cowboypants
Experienced
- May 7, 2024
- 203
From very early on, my dad used to pick me on things I didn't do well. I was never encouraged in stuff I did well.
I used to wet my bed till 3rd or 4th grade, and dad made such a scene out of it. I wasn't allowed to have spare clothes outside, nor was I allowed to open their shitty ass steel wardrobe/ almirah. I had to sleep naked often cause my clothes would get wet yeah even the tshirt. What's even worse is I would have no bedsheets or clothes to cover myself while being in an AC room. I sometimes slept directly on the cold ass floor shivering. As you know, the bed is also wet. It makes my blood boil. Cherry on top, he would drag me with my bed out of the bedroom.
I could sleep outside the bedroom, but I was pretty scared at that point. Our house was spooky.
My mom never supported me and question his actions, she enjoyed it in fact and used it against me, I felt like I was the problem and a nuisance to them. I used to run to my grandma who lived with us.
Coincidentally or not, my grades started to suffer from then on. I got picked on for that. It's just a race to the bottom from there.
I struggled with friendships, never had a relationship or a job. I think I lost my life If I had one at a very early stage, I never had proper dreams or aspirations.
To the outside people I am the scapegoat, the black sheep of the family. To an extent, I'm not a good person nor am I a bad person. Life goes on fast tho
I have said these things to my then therapist, who thought it was a good idea for me to get close with them. Since I don't have people to talk, and I'm living off them, basically as a NEET. It wasnt that good idea, for years I kept emotional distance from them. I did try to see if it could get any better but nah. Also, I noticed I was able to tolerate them when on anti depressants but as soon as I got off. It was back to the same we are at opposite sides
I used to wet my bed till 3rd or 4th grade, and dad made such a scene out of it. I wasn't allowed to have spare clothes outside, nor was I allowed to open their shitty ass steel wardrobe/ almirah. I had to sleep naked often cause my clothes would get wet yeah even the tshirt. What's even worse is I would have no bedsheets or clothes to cover myself while being in an AC room. I sometimes slept directly on the cold ass floor shivering. As you know, the bed is also wet. It makes my blood boil. Cherry on top, he would drag me with my bed out of the bedroom.
I could sleep outside the bedroom, but I was pretty scared at that point. Our house was spooky.
My mom never supported me and question his actions, she enjoyed it in fact and used it against me, I felt like I was the problem and a nuisance to them. I used to run to my grandma who lived with us.
Coincidentally or not, my grades started to suffer from then on. I got picked on for that. It's just a race to the bottom from there.
I struggled with friendships, never had a relationship or a job. I think I lost my life If I had one at a very early stage, I never had proper dreams or aspirations.
To the outside people I am the scapegoat, the black sheep of the family. To an extent, I'm not a good person nor am I a bad person. Life goes on fast tho
I have said these things to my then therapist, who thought it was a good idea for me to get close with them. Since I don't have people to talk, and I'm living off them, basically as a NEET. It wasnt that good idea, for years I kept emotional distance from them. I did try to see if it could get any better but nah. Also, I noticed I was able to tolerate them when on anti depressants but as soon as I got off. It was back to the same we are at opposite sides
