Have you thought what if you try to end life and it goes wrong?

[gardenofaphrodite]

I've tried before in Jan. 2022, it went wrong due to the immense physical pain (& then seizures + buncha yikes shit) my method caused. I can't lie I was lucky I didn't permanently damage my liver or kidneys, but getting forced into a (really shitty) mental hospital was awful, having to pretend that I felt better was awful. I traumatized my siblings & my mom + step-dad. I feel awful about it. It's the things you don't really think about could happen til after you try to commit. I ended up experiencing some pretty terrible medical trauma/PTSD from that night in the ER. I should have thought of a "just in case this goes wrong" plan but didn't. I think it's really important to have a back up plan- but I failed on that regard.

I think everyone fears failure, & permanent physical or mental damage that may come from it. I think if you plan it right, in a good location physically, & without risk of someone finding you to stop you or unintentionally traumatizing them, that fear will dwindle away.

(P.S. charcoal is disgusting & if you end up in a situation where you failed, intubation >>>>>>> drinking that shit 'cause dear lord I can never forget that taste)

 

[soontobedone]

I've tried before in Jan. 2022, it went wrong due to the immense physical pain (& then seizures + buncha yikes shit) my method caused. I can't lie I was lucky I didn't permanently damage my liver or kidneys, but getting forced into a (really shitty) mental hospital was awful, having to pretend that I felt better was awful. I traumatized my siblings & my mom + step-dad. I feel awful about it. It's the things you don't really think about could happen til after you try to commit. I ended up experiencing some pretty terrible medical trauma/PTSD from that night in the ER. I should have thought of a "just in case this goes wrong" plan but didn't. I think it's really important to have a back up plan- but I failed on that regard.

I think everyone fears failure, & permanent physical or mental damage that may come from it. I think if you plan it right, in a good location physically, & without risk of someone finding you to stop you or unintentionally traumatizing them, that fear will dwindle away.

(P.S. charcoal is disgusting & if you end up in a situation where you failed, intubation >>>>>>> drinking that shit 'cause dear lord I can never forget that taste)

Hi. Do you mind sharing which method you failed?

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

I think sharing might break the site's guidelines, but I could be wrong, just don't wanna risk it

 

[sheepgirl]

It's already happened to me. Ended up in hospital lots of time including waking up in the icu to them removing a breathing tube from my throat. Last year I tried twice and both times spent 5 agonising days in icu each time being treated against my will. I wish one of them had worked cause I'm really struggling right now. Violent methods such as failing from jumping, guns, trains etc terrify me so much. I couldn't imagine surviving with traumatic life changing injuries. At least with my methods the chance of ending up with a horrifically painful long term injury is low. Though brain damage or organ damage is always a possibility

 

[soontobedone]

I think sharing might break the site's guidelines, but I could be wrong, just don't wanna risk it

We talk about methods all the time. It's just not advisable to "give" someone a method if they don't have one. I'm just curious if it's SN since that is my plan.

Separate post:
I made the mistake of watching a "gore" video recently. (Someone had linked a jumping video and I stayed for the next vid) Most of this guy's lower body was torn off after being hit by a truck and he was still alive and asking to use a phone. Freaks me out what the body can survive. So badly just want it to be a peaceful exit.

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

I didn't use SN(learning about that still & considering it as a method for another attempt), I used 200mg ibuprofen, but over 100+ tablets (probably well over 100). It was one of those really large great value (Walmart brand) bottles. I had initially taken a large does of extra strength (500mg? Can't remember) Tylenol but was short on the lethal dose, so I mixed ibuprofen with the Tylenol. Smoked a lot of weed & thought I'd be okay. Then it got painful after about 20-30mins, I don't recommend it, genuinely a stupid way to try to go. ER made me take down 3 bottles of liquid charcoal & I was in & out of consciousness for about 10-13hrs. Periodically vomiting & being told not to vomit- just awful, not giving all the details cause it just got plain gross. (Also ER/Hospital I was sent to is notoriously very terrible & known for treating patients poorly, can advocate that that rumor is true)

 

[soontobedone]

TY for responding. I'm sorry you went through all that. So frustrating to not have an easy way. I have supplies for SN but can't afford to fail so lingering right now.

 

[TAW122]

Yes, this is a thought and consideration I had when planning or choosing methods to CTB with. There is ALWAYS a risk of failure, but some methods and with careful planning, knowledge, and preparation, I would believe that my odds of success will be greater than that of failure. As long as I get as close to guaranteed success (can never be absolute 100% but very, very close), then I would be confident enough that I will succeed.

 

[SanctionedSquad]

Nitrogen is fast and efficient, I won't fuck that up

 

[bigdog]

Yeah fucking up suicide can be really bad experience. People always write on this forum things like SN is failure safe but if the method deprives oxygen from cells than theoretically anything can happen. For example you puked while unconscious or else and you wake up blind. You can't even write here about your failure.

 

[Hotsackage]

i dont know how people go through with it frankly. ctb is mostly luck unless its n or nembutal

 

[bigdog]

i dont know how people go through with it frankly. ctb is mostly luck unless its n or nembutal

I think even with n you don't know exactly what you are getting I mean dosage and purity for example it is not Switzerland it's black market.

 

[mariodxt]

Im very sorry to those of you who failed and got the consequences, this society indeed sees suicide as something wrong and they can only see this as behaviour of mental ill people, but they havent gone through the same we have gone through, they cant see why its not good to live anymore, why everyday is more suffering than anything and feels like there is no future to be lived.

Personally, I think maybe I overthink stuff, but I fear so much to fail and get all the consequences, whichever they are, I think of what have been said before falling from 8th floor can maybe fail to kill a person, but you know, cyanide which seems more assured in terms of effectivity is impossible to get, or only in black market which is hard to access for most, its like getting weapons here, which is impossible. I remember I read in some places about sodium nitrite (sorry if I speelled wrong) and indeed could be deadly, but still, people can be saved from this and imagine the dose is wrong, with all these substances the issue is quantity and quality of them is never assured and proved because in this society willing to end life is seen wrong, really,

I remember when I saw suicide cabin in Futurama long time ago, and I never thought what I think now, this would be really useful, if someone wants to end life, why not give them a way to do that? its senseless to force people to live, they will also force people to be happy get married or have kids? People shouldnt be forced to do anything they dont want, even if its just living anymore, whatever is making us feel that, its senseless that they keep on forcing people to live when we have come to the thought that we dont want that anymore, its not a light decision, its something we have thought for long time and deeply

And speaking of shows I watched, I remember a certain anime called Paranoia Agent, well the overal plot was a bit strange, but I remember this showed in Japan some people just made a kind of club to end life (these were people from school office or other work so a variety of people), and then they met in a certain place and moment to drink some substance that was deadly and provided in a small bottle, probably cyanide? who knows, well this makes me think it could be happening in Japan where suicide rate is high, then maybe they have access to these substances easily? it would be quite useful to know, well I live far from there, but considering this is a decision one takes in a lifetime, it would be worth checking on other countries for more reliable ways to end life instead of failing and making everything worse

I keep thnking what to do, I know its wrong to ask for methods, and really I wont do that, but Im so lost, I was thinking jumping from a certain height might work but have thought also could go wrong

 

[Holu]

On everything it's my biggest fear. Already terrified of getting 5150'd but to end up injured, locked, and having to deal with loved ones who would then do whatever they could to prevent me from a second attempt. Nightmare type shit.

 

[7thundercloud]

I remember seeing this one woman on TikTok where her husband attempted suicide. He ended up on a machine, unable to walk, eat, move, talk, or do anything. They had the option to let him go, and the woman wanted to, but his mother kept him alive (absolutely terrible). I would hope that If I ended up in that situation, then my parents would know well enough to just pull the plug.

 

[mariodxt]

Its sad that happened, if someone is already showing the will to leave this world then why keep forcing him to do that¿? its like this world cant tolerate people decide to do anything thats not living on no mater how bad circunstances are, they should understand this is a very deep and crucial decision and nobody would take it lightly so they should respect the will of the person to not live anymore, thats why i think they should allow people to access some elements to end their life peacefully instead of thinking of complicated plans that can still go wrong, i keep finding obstacles like i could become disabled and so on, I think human body has that self preservation instinct so our attempts if not performed right, could end up in body hanging on to this world still, so far i have no idea what could work really

 

[she]

I haven't thought much about that topic, actually. Primarily because I plan to ensure that I do everything within my power to make sure my attempt is a successful one.

 

[NotButter]

Hi all,
I think I dont need to explain that life can be hell as many peopl eher might know, just wondering, have you thought well maybe i end life doing this but then what if it fails and I become disabled or just wounded but life goes on? This thought is all over me, perhaps as I dont have a easy to use and assured way to do this, like press a button or take a pill and its done, perhaps this thought comes to me, like I can fail doing it, have you thought that before? or have you tried and failed to end life? Just the other day a woman jumped of a window and from the 5th height she survived, apparently a car made it possible, it looks like impossible, right? like how come from a so high level could this happen, well you see, it can happen, please post your thoughts or experiences or so, as its allowed here

I was someone who attempted suicide and decided not too. I have no idea why I didn't pull the trigger but it's a weird feeling. Going back to your normal life and acting like nothing happened. You just feel numb.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Just all the time

 

[gottablast888]

I think this is the fear of almost everyone frequenting the forum. I have never attempted, but if i ever reach that point i would only use one of the very lethal methods, no beating around the bush

 

[GasMonkey]

I remember seeing this one woman on TikTok where her husband attempted suicide. He ended up on a machine, unable to walk, eat, move, talk, or do anything.

What method did he use?

 

[GasMonkey]

I just searched it: Josh Barras. As I expected it was hanging.

 

[nosoul]

I didn't use SN(learning about that still & considering it as a method for another attempt), I used 200mg ibuprofen, but over 100+ tablets (probably well over 100). It was one of those really large great value (Walmart brand) bottles. I had initially taken a large does of extra strength (500mg? Can't remember) Tylenol but was short on the lethal dose, so I mixed ibuprofen with the Tylenol. Smoked a lot of weed & thought I'd be okay. Then it got painful after about 20-30mins, I don't recommend it, genuinely a stupid way to try to go. ER made me take down 3 bottles of liquid charcoal & I was in & out of consciousness for about 10-13hrs. Periodically vomiting & being told not to vomit- just awful, not giving all the details cause it just got plain gross. (Also ER/Hospital I was sent to is notoriously very terrible & known for treating patients poorly, can advocate that that rumor is true)

This is why I can't fail, I cannot do mental institutions anymore, I'd rather die then go back long term. I want to go out on my own terms, sorry you had to go through that. My condition, if I go in, they might not let me out, I need to ctb

 

[mariodxt]

I think probably the more we think the more doubts arise, I cant stop to think all things that can go wrong, a friend suggested cyanide was 100% foolproof and while it has been said here thats painful, its still effective and fast I think, this is what I think would be better, because I feel like I can mess any method or anything no matter how assured it is to work, still keep thinking... dont know what I will do, every day in this world is worse than previous and like I just wish I dont wake up one day but I dont know how i can make this happen for sure

 

[wiltingorchid]

I actually failed at it. I didn't got any severe damage after it, even though I should have died. I am honestly really scared of the damage that you may get if you try to jump off a high building or a cliff, because that would be my preferred method to ctb. The idea of surviving it and afterwards being so disabled that you can't kill yourself sounds terrifying.

 

[martinso67]

That's why I am not trying again in my home at the moment. I live near a big hospital. 5 minutes by feet and you can reach the big hospital.
I feel so much trapped. Man neither can I leave my parent's home and live on my own (and earn money through work or as a freelancer) or neither do I have the ability to ctb.
It makes me more sick of high blood pressure which I am already having, because of the stress I have and no agency about my life. It's like being in a golden prison. you have access to some food and a roof over your head. But no agency. Also your dad scolds for being a NEET random times and warns you of leaving you behind.

The only thing I want is at least to run of away of my life. But I also fail because of my chronic kidney disease which causes me random moments of fatigue and some digging pain on my left side near my kidney.

 

[mariodxt]

Im very sorry to hear that, in fact surviving a fall from high building sounds terrifying but apparently people have survived on some odd ocasion but its possible, i guess the highest the less chances for that but I dont have access to relatively high building to jump from there, also as someone said before even from the 8th floor one can survive with some bad luck, but the thing is i dont know how else i can ensure it will work, any chemistry or medicine can work or maybe people come in the worst moment and save us, any way of like cutting the veins or so seems have same flaws, so then Im lost, I dont know what else can be done

Also I feel the prison like feeling, different circunstances but im trapped here and unable to leave, I have looked into something called astral projection, have you heard about it? this is theoritically allowing people to visit or be in other realities, i dont know the true extent of this, everyone has different theories about what can and cant be done in it but im trying anyway

 

[outrider567]

No

 

[MadAna]

I'm so jealous. In my country, a ctb attempt is a crime, so I'll be going to jail.



Exactly my thoughts

really? a crime..? so not only i have to accept living with disabilities due to my CTB attempt, but i have to go to trial too cos instead of helping me theyre treating me like a criminal??!? WTF?!!?? im speachless

I remember seeing this one woman on TikTok where her husband attempted suicide. He ended up on a machine, unable to walk, eat, move, talk, or do anything. They had the option to let him go, and the woman wanted to, but his mother kept him alive (absolutely terrible). I would hope that If I ended up in that situation, then my parents would know well enough to just pull the plug.

how egoistic u must be to keep someone suffering so u dont have to suffer yourself?! my god, what a shitty person the mother!

 

[Das Nichts]

With inert gas the "walking up with brain damage" trope comes up a lot.

While thinking about it and reading all case studies i can find, in the end i just want it to stop which is already the case if I'm a drooling peace of meat.

It's not like the doctors are going to keep the lights on forever.