Have you thought what if you try to end life and it goes wrong?

[mariodxt]

Hi all,
I think I dont need to explain that life can be hell as many peopl eher might know, just wondering, have you thought well maybe i end life doing this but then what if it fails and I become disabled or just wounded but life goes on? This thought is all over me, perhaps as I dont have a easy to use and assured way to do this, like press a button or take a pill and its done, perhaps this thought comes to me, like I can fail doing it, have you thought that before? or have you tried and failed to end life? Just the other day a woman jumped of a window and from the 5th height she survived, apparently a car made it possible, it looks like impossible, right? like how come from a so high level could this happen, well you see, it can happen, please post your thoughts or experiences or so, as its allowed here

 

[voc_89]

i was on the roof of a 7/8 storey building. I thought if i got the angle right it could work. But if I got it wrong.. the consequences would be severe (caught/charged for trespassing, sent to a psych house, plastered up on social media, get laid off, put my family under ridicule, become paralysed (thus being at the mercy of whoever wants too look after me)... etc.). So I backed out.

 

[QiTianDaSheng]

Hence why I intend rope decapitation. Either by car or drop.
I'm a heavy fucker, pretty sure I'll be off before I even feel the tug

 

[FuneralCry]

To me failing ctb and potentially ending up with damage sounds absolutely horrific, that is exactly what I fear. I hate how we exist in this anti suicide society where more peaceful and reliable methods get restricted and people feel like they have no choice but to resort to more risky ones. We should all just have the option to die in peace without struggle, it's like a cruel punishment how we can end up suffering more if we try to leave this world that we were so unfairly forced into.

 

[outrider567]

No, nothing goes wrong with Nitrogen

 

[DarknessAndDespair]

I thought a lot about this however in the country I am right now there is euthanasia for the severely disabled or severely chronically ill. So before ctb one can sign papers to give consent for the goverment to provide euthanasia if your method fails and end up severly impaired or vegetable.

 

[swaraj]

I thought a lot about this however in the country I am right now there is euthanasia for the severely disabled or severely chronically ill. So before ctb one can sign papers to give consent for the goverment to provide euthanasia if your method fails and end up severly impaired or vegetable.

I'm so jealous. In my country, a ctb attempt is a crime, so I'll be going to jail.

To me failing ctb and potentially ending up with damage sounds absolutely horrific, that is exactly what I fear. I hate how we exist in this anti suicide society where more peaceful and reliable methods get restricted and people feel like they have no choice but to resort to more risky ones. We should all just have the option to die in peace without struggle, it's like a cruel punishment how we can end up suffering more if we try to leave this world that we were so unfairly forced into.

Exactly my thoughts

 

[DarknessAndDespair]

I'm so jealous. In my country, a ctb attempt is a crime, so I'll be going to jail.

So sorry to hear that, its horrible that some countries consider it a crime. In such case I would go to cbt overseas, but money is a factor with this choice. :(

 

[voc_89]

I'm so jealous. In my country, a ctb attempt is a crime, so I'll be going to jail.



Exactly my thoughts

same in mine. Its a crime. They try to say they are being more inclusive/sympathetic as it has been on the rise in recent years but, deep down, I know if i make the mistake and say what I really feel to anyone its too the asylum with me. Or u get laughed at. For instance, I met someone during my Msc who was also from my homeland and had a rough time doing his Bsc. I tried to be supportive as much as possible but he CTB. He was a little popular back home as he was a youth athlete. And sure as day many laughed him on FB when it was reported in the news... called him weak, etc. Not knowing the demons he was fighting at the time. The university didn't even say anything about it (we lived on hall). But thats how it is in my Region.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I won't get it wrong.

 

[FacePALM]

I failed once actually. My one and only golden fucking opportunity. My stepmom had gestational diabetes when carrying my sister and had to take insulin. I was 16 then. When my sister was a year and three months, I just turned 17, I stole the insulin nobody ever bothered to get rid of. My reasoning behind stealing it was nobody needed it anymore anyway, why not die with it?

Problem with having to wait before you die is that si has more time to kick in. About 40 min after injecting myself with 1200 units of insulin I started thinking about my sister a lot. How I would be leaving her and how I loved her so much and didn't want to traumatize her. I called an ambulance. Still kick myself for doing that. I could have been long gone. No damage though, so there is something at least

 

[swaraj]

same in mine. Its a crime. They try to say they are being more inclusive/sympathetic as it has been on the rise in recent years but, deep down, I know if i make the mistake and say what I really feel to anyone its too the asylum with me. Or u get laughed at. For instance, I met someone during my Msc who was also from my homeland and had a rough time doing his Bsc. I tried to be supportive as much as possible but he CTB. He was a little popular back home as he was a youth athlete. And sure as day many laughed him on FB when it was reported in the news... called him weak, etc. Not knowing the demons he was fighting at the time. The university didn't even say anything about it (we lived on hall). But thats how it is in my Region.

Oh yes totally. It's seen as a cowardly and selfish act.

 

[voc_89]

Oh yes totally. It's seen as a cowardly and selfish act.

i will never tell someone what to do as idk the full extent of their pain or their experience. I can only empathise with them and listen to them and talk to them in the hope that when my time comes I get the same support system.

 

[norwegianbuttercris]

My friend tried to CTB by jumping from a bridge onto the motorway beneath. He ended up paralysed and had to have metal plates put in his spine because he shattered his pelvis. Mf had to learn how to walk again

 

[pharmacoepia]

i was on the roof of a 7/8 storey building. I thought if i got the angle right it could work. But if I got it wrong.. the consequences would be severe (caught/charged for trespassing, sent to a psych house, plastered up on social media, get laid off, put my family under ridicule, become paralysed (thus being at the mercy of whoever wants too look after me)... etc.). So I backed out.

I failed once actually. My one and only golden fucking opportunity. My stepmom had gestational diabetes when carrying my sister and had to take insulin. I was 16 then. When my sister was a year and three months, I just turned 17, I stole the insulin nobody ever bothered to get rid of. My reasoning behind stealing it was nobody needed it anymore anyway, why not die with it?

Problem with having to wait before you die is that si has more time to kick in. About 40 min after injecting myself with 1200 units of insulin I started thinking about my sister a lot. How I would be leaving her and how I loved her so much and didn't want to traumatize her. I called an ambulance. Still kick myself for doing that. I could have been long gone. No damage though, so there is something at least

I believe studies on falling from heights model it more as a statistical percentage that it will be a fatality. It's inexact, people have survived from 35,000 ft from airlines, although only because they fell into a bush. The person that actually fell out got a world record surprisingly!

There are no guarantees in the world of death, there are only low percentages of failure after certain points.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15322459/
https://www.safeopedia.com/at-what-height-do-falls-become-deadly/7/7503

This study models the statistics of what kinds of injuries may be fatal enough. In general, 15m is enough to cause unrecoverable injury. Your best bet would be to ideally get as high as totally possible. If you are in an apartment, try to attach yourself to a heavy object or something else that could add injurious force to your fall. Nothing special, something like a spear or something to impale or otherwise cause injurious damage to the lungs if going above 15m is inaccessible.

If you are seriously committed, you could search how fast the ambulance could drive to you based on the distance from you and the hospital, and if it is 10 minutes or more, that is usually when the brain and heart cells start to die. Any CPR after this will most likely not help. You may also combine with SN to speed up cytoarchitectural damage.

At the end of the day, it's your choice. Just as you have the right to die if you wish, you may also forfeit your right if you can't do it. Non judgemental zone man.

 

[voc_89]

good information. I had a mind it was too short. I try to balance risk/return. If the risk is greater than the return I will often times er on the side of caution

 

[Unending]

I hope to do what I can to succeed the first time whether its in a year or ten. I do not want to find out what it's like to survive an attempt.

 

[QiTianDaSheng]

You may also combine with SN to speed up cytoarchitectural damage.

I was thinking this too. Take the SN, and THEN ctb via whatever method you like. Jumping, hanging, NN etc.

Should be pretty hard to fail that.

Hell, I was even thinking I could make a statement by taking SN and then self immolating somewhere. It's a rough way to go, but it would be more tolerable if you knew there was no chance you'd wake up in agony and huge debt.

 

[Yavannah]

I thought a lot about this however in the country I am right now there is euthanasia for the severely disabled or severely chronically ill. So before ctb one can sign papers to give consent for the goverment to provide euthanasia if your method fails and end up severly impaired or vegetable.

which country is this? i want to move there

 

[DarknessAndDespair]

which country is this? i want to move there

Spain

 

[mariodxt]

Sorry about delay, Im having internet issues these days, also what is this Nitrogen someone mentioned up there?

Thanks a lot to everyone who shared their experiences and thoughts about this, its a complex issue for everyone and I think we dont have the whole answer for it, or not in all countries. I live in spain, and here its true that people can ask for euthanasia, but on some circunstances, like not all people that wants to die is just having a severe illness and feel pain daily, so as example I couldnt ask for that, for me it would be a lot better to find a substance or something to do it by myself


And personally I find problematic to try and fail, I mean, I wish there was something like a pill people could go and take, of course anyone willing to stop life as is should be able to do that, not like currently is in most of places, like all people see it wrong and senseless, but when life make us see this , like there is no future and life is not worth being lived, then its when people with his whole mind in this could decide to take it.

My problem with substance that take a while to take effect is exactly that, what if in the time one pressured by all these heavy sensations decides to call for help, or maybe someone meets us and decides to help, it would be disaster, anything that would be like what they say is cyanide that has no way back and is fast would be good I think, at least something thats fool proof because I feel that as I have failed so badly in life, I could fail ending it too

 

[Heavenbound]

I also worry about failing and then possibly becoming severely disabled. I guess the best thing is to really do your research to try and figure out what is best for you. I don't think that there is any truly foolproof method. We just have to hope for the best.

 

[unnormal9]

I am constantly reminded in my planning of thw what-ifs. I'm not sure entirely, I try to take as much care and precaution as possible beforehand so that I do not fail. I must keep myself calm and relax to reduce any drawbacks.
I have also written a note and plan to arrange the DNR.

 

[QiTianDaSheng]

My problem with substance that take a while to take effect is exactly that, what if in the time one pressured by all these heavy sensations decides to call for help, or maybe someone meets us and decides to help, it would be disaster, anything that would be like what they say is cyanide that has no way back and is fast would be good I think, at least something thats fool proof because I feel that as I have failed so badly in life, I could fail ending it too

Amen.

I also worry about failing and then possibly becoming severely disabled. I guess the best thing is to really do your research to try and figure out what is best for you. I don't think that there is any truly foolproof method. We just have to hope for the best.

Dude, car-rope-decapitation.

Save money for a decent length of no stretch rope.
Rent car for the day. Hell, for the hour.
Budget total ~$200

If your knots are half decent and your anchor half stable, and the rope pays out cleanly... I don't see how that can fail. Plus, low SI really.

 

[scamper]

I plan to use a gun so I don't really see that going wrong. It is a 9mm though, so it's not impossible that I live but the chance is small enough to the point where I don't think I need a plan for if I fail.

 

[charlotte_]

I've thought about this a lot, and honestly the consequences is scarier than death itself. Not only will you end up with a lot of severe, sometimes permanent injury, but your attempt will be known. People will either pity you or consider you batshit crazy, which are both equally sickening imo. You will also be sent into a psych ward prob. I know not all psych wards are shit, but god knows if your luck spares you. It truly is shitty that the mental health system are handling this problem so poorly

 

[azurarcher]

I relate to all the comments about the fear of becoming severely disabled and getting locked in a psych ward. And besides that, I have a fear of falling into a coma instead of dying, then waking up in a coffin and dealing with panic and suffocation, or waking up during the cremation process and burning to death. Or not waking up at all but feeling the pain of the last moments while seeing a nightmare.

I did, however, know a girl in school who survived a jump from the 8th floor. I'm not really sure if it was really a suicide attempt because her official statement was that she (14 y.o) has done that because her parents forbade her to date a 23-year-old guy. Maybe she was just desperate to leave the house..?

 

[peaches]

To me failing ctb and potentially ending up with damage sounds absolutely horrific, that is exactly what I fear. I hate how we exist in this anti suicide society where more peaceful and reliable methods get restricted and people feel like they have no choice but to resort to more risky ones. We should all just have the option to die in peace without struggle, it's like a cruel punishment how we can end up suffering more if we try to leave this world that we were so unfairly forced into.

Hi,
You say that beautifully. Thank you.

Sorry about delay, Im having internet issues these days, also what is this Nitrogen someone mentioned up there?

Thanks a lot to everyone who shared their experiences and thoughts about this, its a complex issue for everyone and I think we dont have the whole answer for it, or not in all countries. I live in spain, and here its true that people can ask for euthanasia, but on some circunstances, like not all people that wants to die is just having a severe illness and feel pain daily, so as example I couldnt ask for that, for me it would be a lot better to find a substance or something to do it by myself


And personally I find problematic to try and fail, I mean, I wish there was something like a pill people could go and take, of course anyone willing to stop life as is should be able to do that, not like currently is in most of places, like all people see it wrong and senseless, but when life make us see this , like there is no future and life is not worth being lived, then its when people with his whole mind in this could decide to take it.

My problem with substance that take a while to take effect is exactly that, what if in the time one pressured by all these heavy sensations decides to call for help, or maybe someone meets us and decides to help, it would be disaster, anything that would be like what they say is cyanide that has no way back and is fast would be good I think, at least something thats fool proof because I feel that as I have failed so badly in life, I could fail ending it too

I know someone who used cyanide. It's a rough way to go. Lots of suffering, but relatively quick.

 

[RW__Asher23]

yes I thought about it, for about 10 seconds then shot myself. There are 4 times in total for my ctb attempts. One was successful but they brought me back in the ER Hospital. They said I was gone. Several minutes of beating me and shocking me etc. When I shot myself the result was scars, pain, loss of hearing and a year in therapy "Day Treatment"
program and drugs they made me take. Then one year after shooting myself #3.
I don't know about anyone else but to me ctb is very difficult to do not because you can't find this or that or get something but the final few seconds when you think that exact question you started this post with. You will either be ready and it is the time to do it or it wont but it will NEVER be easy. But this is just my point of view and answer to your question. Also some people have said ctb is cowards way out... I guarantee you who said that has never faced those final few seconds and gone through with it. There is nothing cowardly or anything weak about it.
Peace.

 

[Linda]

I think everyone who is considering ctb thinks about that. That's why you will find a lot of emphasis in posts on this site about doing some research and planning properly. Proper plannng increases the chance of achieving the desired result in any kind of action. Ctb is no exception.