Have you noticed that the fantasy of suicide is very different from the reality?

[Animaniax]

I've fantasized for years, but now that I feel I really have to do it or live miserably, I'm really struggling. This is torture. I live in my car and will have to for another year. I feel like I'm in a prison sentence. Couple that with psych problems and intense loneliness. I don't know to make friends. I can't work so that's a turn off.

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

I've fantasized for years, but now that I feel I really have to do it or live miserably, I'm really struggling. This is torture. I live in my car and will have to for another year. I feel like I'm in a prison sentence. Couple that with psych problems and intense loneliness. I don't know to make friends. I can't work so that's a turn off.

I've seen actually suicide videos. And when its your pov, it's normal. When your the one who watches someone else do it. Depending on who you are. Its just unnerving.

 

[Animaniax]

I've seen actually suicide videos. And when its your pov, it's normal. When your the one who watches someone else do it. Depending on who you are. Its just unnerving.

Yeah I can see that.

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

Yeah I can see that.

Yea. Ive seen many streamers die too. Ronnie mcnutt, the budd dwyer video. Siri524. Just to name a few. Very disturbing. (not I'm not linking it unless you REALLY want to see it)

 

[Animaniax]

Yea. Ive seen many streamers die too. Ronnie mcnutt, the budd dwyer video. Siri524. Just to name a few. Very disturbing. (not I'm not linking it unless you REALLY want to see it)

How do people go through with disturbing suicides? I don't like how horror movies have made it even more frightening

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

How do people go through with disturbing suicides? I don't like how horror movies have made it even more frightening

Well. Ronnie used a rifle to the chin. Blow his face right off. Budd used a revolver. Nose ran like a waterfall. Siri hung herself. Starting thrashing around somewhere through the video.

Also. Deaths irl look like horror movie deaths. But intent of a slow fall to the floor. They just enter ragdoll. And its oddly more unnerving to watch.

 

[Animaniax]

Well. Ronnie used a rifle to the chin. Blow his face right off. Budd used a revolver. Nose ran like a waterfall. Siri hung herself. Starting thrashing around somewhere through the video.

Also. Deaths irl look like horror movie deaths. But intent of a slow fall to the floor. They just enter ragdoll. And its oddly more unnerving to watch.

Wow. Do you feel the thrashing? Why does the body thrash?

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

Wow. Do you feel the thrashing? Why does the body thrash?

Less thrash more shake. The body thrashs when their unconscious and they are gonna die. Also no. Didn't feel the thrashing. Saw it

 

[Animaniax]

Less thrash more shake. The body thrashs when their unconscious and they are gonna die. Also no. Didn't feel the thrashing. Saw it

What's better? Doorknob or full suspension?

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I've fantasized for years, but now that I feel I really have to do it or live miserably, I'm really struggling. This is torture. I live in my car and will have to for another year. I feel like I'm in a prison sentence. Couple that with psych problems and intense loneliness. I don't know to make friends. I can't work so that's a turn off.

I feel your torture

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

What's better? Doorknob or full suspension?

Full suspension has a higher chance of killing you. But it has a few flaws.
1. No backing down from full suspension.
2. The anchor must hold your ENTIRE weight.
3. Make sure the rope is strong. Body may thrash when unconscious.

Pros:
1. More effective.
2. Pass out quicker.

Door knob (aka partial suspension.) Has less chance of killing you. Here's some of this pros and flaws.

1. Have to put the rope on a specific part of your neck to pass out in mere seconds.
2. Less success rate

Pros:
1. Less weight on the object.
2. Pass out quicker if done right.
3. You can actually back down

The choice is yours pal. Preferably full for a quick death. Partial for a more comfortable death, not by much.

 

[groucho]

For me there is a distinct and very terrifying difference in feeling between suicide ideation and actually being suicidal. First time I felt it I went to the A&E (ER) expecting to get sectioned.

 

[SpiderLink]

How do people go through with disturbing suicides? I don't like how horror movies have made it even more frightening

I just got used to it unfortunately, but yeah they are not always so gorey but there definitely is some

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

I just got used to it unfortunately, but yeah they are not always so gorey but there definitely is some

*cough* Ronnie mcnutt *cough*

 

[SpiderLink]

*cough* Ronnie mcnutt *cough*

Honestly not even sure if I've seen it, but I don't recall the name

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

Honestly not even sure if I've seen it, but I don't recall the name

Good for you. That man used a rifle. Blow his face off. (If you want me to link the video, I will but I warn you. It's pretty graphic.)

 

[SpiderLink]

Good for you. That man used a rifle. Blow his face off. (If you want me to link the video, I will but I warn you. It's pretty graphic.)

I'll probably stumble upon it at some point tbh

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

This

Honestly not even sure if I've seen it, but I don't recall the name

this is a screenshot from the video mere seconds before he blows his brains out. (Fun fact: this is one of the most infamous suicide videos ever made. If you want proof, look up his last words, "hey guys, I guess that's it")

I'll probably stumble upon it at some point tbh

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

The idea of death- and the assumption that it could be an end to pain- is way more enticing than the reality, because death is inherently unpleasant and not without suffering in most cases. After being suicidal over half my life at this point, I realised that fantasizing about the end is comforting, as it doesn't require me to commit to the decision to die in this very moment, it's more a self-assuaging reassurance that someday this suffering will end whether I finish things myself or let nature take it's course.

Acually going through with it and having to consciously perform the actions to end myself is a different story entirely. Even when life is inextricably painful and difficult, there is something final and unknown about death that activates the biological instinct of self preservation, no matter how hard the mind fights to be free of such a limitation.

There's a song I heard recently that has the lyrics, "Maybe death is like falling asleep." It's easy to build up preconceptions and ideas about what the afterlife- or lack thereof- would entail in our minds, and to find refuge in those things. But the dying process itself is messy, often undignified, and at odds with the peacefulness a suicidal person often yearns for. This juxtaposition I think makes everything so hard and complicated. If I could snap my fingers and stop existing tomorrow, I'd do it, but going through the long, drawn out process of suicide is terrifying.

You shouldn't have to be living in your car and dealing with the constant discomfort of such a situation, it's a real shame that you've been put in this position and not been given any help to lift you out of homelessness.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I know that suicide is awful and terrible. I don't have any fantasy for dying. However, what I do want is death itself

 

[PlannedforPeru]

I've seen actually suicide videos. And when its your pov, it's normal. When your the one who watches someone else do it. Depending on who you are. Its just unnerving.

What do you mean by "normal"?

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

I know, I have tried hanging myself before and I got too scared to make the leap, I tried suspension ligature as well and only ended up with eyes with blown blood vessels. It's really hard to overcome the human instinct to survive.

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

What do you mean by "normal"?

It feels like the right thing.

 

[lawlietsph]

I've fantasized for years, but now that I feel I really have to do it or live miserably, I'm really struggling. This is torture. I live in my car and will have to for another year. I feel like I'm in a prison sentence. Couple that with psych problems and intense loneliness. I don't know to make friends. I can't work so that's a turn off.

I feel it too. Fantasizing about it is giving me peace and some type of relief. But I've actually just tried to hang myself a week ago and when I am in that moment, it's scary as hell. I am terrified. It's horrible, everything is horrible.
I am so sorry about your situation. I can't work either, I have no idea how I'm going to buy food next month. Life is awful

 

[affirmatice]

Yes, it's so easy to fantasize about it. But could I imagine myself, in this very moment, going through with my plan.. it's hard to imagine.