Have you ever talked to a suicide hotline?

[sancta-simplicitas]

Just curious to see since I've never heard of anyone who was helped by these hotlines, yet the numbers are being handed out like cheap candy to everyone who says they struggle with suicidiality.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Can they actually help? They have no means to solve the real problems that make people suicidal. You can vent to them (that can be a short-term relief) and they can give you info where to find "better help" but realistically they can't solve any problem that makes someone suicidal. In the worst case, they call the cops on you and you have to deal with an involuntary admission to the psych ward prison.

 

[Forever Sleep]

To be fair, it wasn't really my choice to call them. I only agreed to be put in touch in order to get rid of the police during the IC SN welfare check.

The first lady I spoke to at least sounded gentle and sympathetic. The second just sounded irritated. She tried all sorts of tactics I really didn't appreciate: 'Think of what it would do to your family.' Well erm yeah- that's why I'm still stuck here after 34 years of ideation. 'Then of course- there's the issue if mental capacity.' That frightened me to be honest. I suspect they do have the power to suggest sectioning. Then, she asked me to promise that I would call them before taking the SN. I just replied that I knew their number now if I felt the need for their support in future. But I mean- why would you call them if you knew you wanted to attempt and succeed?!!

I just found it weird to be honest. Even the first lady I spoke to said: 'Don't you think we should talk about these intrusive thoughts you've been having?' But it's like- they're not intrusive. I've had them the vast majority of my life! I find it bizarre that a 'service' that must deal with suicidal people of all varieties day in, day out had such stereotyped notions of them. Just being on here, it's obvious to me that people experience ideation in their own unique way. I don't think it helps to just assume things about people.

Also, a colleague once rang them and said they only really wanted to ascertain whether she had a plan she was able to carry out- so, whether she was at immediate risk. When they found out she wasn't, they seemed to lose interest!

I guess my view kind of depends on whether they are voluntary for a start. If they are, I do think that's such a generous thing to do. Maybe it's unfair to expect too much of them.

Really though, they are set up to prevent suicide- like the rest of society. I don't think people should be all that surprised if they take a pro-life approach or, if they do all in their power to prevent a suicide- including involving police. They aren't likely to be respecting of the choice to do it. I suppose they'll assume the person is at least of two minds about doing it- at least in that moment. Otherwise, why would they have rung them?

I wonder if they do ever refer people on to other services that might help them longer term. That to me would seem useful.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I volunteered for one. I helped a lot of people except for this one person with whom my skills failed me.

 

[hopemeetshopeless]

I've called them a few times. It's not free talk therapy. They only care about one thing in my experience: talking you down from actively kys while in the call. They don't care about anything else. They will try to point you towards useless recourses sometimes and some seem more compassionate than others, but I've never felt better after talking to one.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Can they actually help? They have no means to solve the real problems that make people suicidal. You can vent to them (that can be a short-term relief) and they can give you info where to find "better help" but realistically they can't solve any problem that makes someone suicidal. In the worst case, they call the cops on you and you have to deal with an involuntary admission to the psych ward prison.

In theory I believe it could help short term, but that goes more for acute suicidaliy, not "chronic". They can't solve any situation, but they technically could help detangling the acute mess. Human connection is quite powerful that way. I've gotten help once, when I was young and was suicidal over having been dumped in a really fucked up way. The person I spoke to was being genuinely invested and had very impressive social skills. Sadly that was very much a one term thing. Usually it's made no difference, or made it even worse. I think the issue often is that you're actually not getting human connection when you call; in my experience you most often get someone who reads from a script and it's easy to tell if someone is doing that or if they're being genuine. The former feels quite... insulting, to be honest. Like speaking to an AI, but worse because you know it's a human. The cop thing is disturbing. They're not allowed to do that here, but I'd never, ever dare to call if they could.

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Was tempted many times but never did it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

The first lady I spoke to at least sounded gentle and sympathetic. The second just sounded irritated. She tried all sorts of tactics I really didn't appreciate: 'Think of what it would do to your family.' Well erm yeah- that's why I'm still stuck here after 34 years of ideation. 'Then of course- there's the issue if mental capacity.' That frightened me to be honest. I suspect they do have the power to suggest sectioning. Then, she asked me to promise that I would call them before taking the SN. I just replied that I knew their number now if I felt the need for their support in future. But I mean- why would you call them if you knew you wanted to attempt and succeed?!!

Appealing to family and friends was explicitly forbidden as a technique and if you engaged in that, you would have (or should have) gotten a rebuke. Sounds like that line was pretty crappy just from that alone. Fucking presumptuous bitch trying to guilt you.

I just found it weird to be honest. Even the first lady I spoke to said: 'Don't you think we should talk about these intrusive thoughts you've been having?' But it's like- they're not intrusive. I've had them the vast majority of my life! I find it bizarre that a 'service' that must deal with suicidal people of all varieties day in, day out had such stereotyped notions of them. Just being on here, it's obvious to me that people experience ideation in their own unique way. I don't think it helps to just assume things about people.

Exactly. Suicide is foreign to the average crisis worker or mental health professional. Chronic ideation even more so.

 

[whywere]

Yes, a few years ago, I live in the U.S., I was having a really rough go of it one night and called the suicide hotline. Right off the bat, one of the very first things that I was asked was if I was going to commit suicide that evening.

When I said no and just really needed someone to talk to, and I told the guy that I had no family nor friends as a support system. and he seemed as interested in helping me as please hang the phone up.

He was TERRIBLE. I REALLY needed to be able to talk to someone to sort so much out and I got the bums rush of no immediate plans of killing myself, then please go away.

I never felt so demoralized before ever.

I would NEVER EVER call one again.

That is where SaSu comes into play, as this site is far better than any damn 988 phone number here in the U.S.

I sure hope that other countries help is better than ours.

Hugs and smiles to everyone here always.

Walter

I volunteered for one. I helped a lot of people except for this one person with whom my skills failed me.

You are truly an awesome and fantastic person.

Helping others is one of the finest things that humans can do, and you are incredible.

Thank you for being you, as I wish I had been able when I really needed it to connect with you.

Have a great upcoming week.

Walter

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I tried, at a time where I was struggling with my actual therapist. Mainly to do with the infrequency of 50 mins once a week and thus impatience not knowing what to do if struggling while waiting for next session.

Used a text line as I freeze and lose my words speaking sometimes, but typing seems to come easier. Was super on edge and a bit panicky and twitchy and didn't know where to turn. But no direct plans. So just as I was starting to feel like the conversation was possibly going to help calm me down/I was starting to find words, she essentially said 'well thats our time up - I wish you the best - if you need us we are here 24/7, please text again'. I then got even more upset and on edge - kinda left me feeling even more trapped and alone and with nowhere to turn than nefore I tried calling/texting - even the 'crisis' resource cuts me off because my 'crisis' or my attempts at explaining my 'crisis' was not 'bad' enough - i.e. I was not about to ctb that minute.

Why is there such a gap in any options - why do you have to reach 'the point of no return' to be able to be considered for support/listened to - but by then its too late and you risk getting locked up/actions out of your control/against your will.

Seems super counter productive to tell me to start/text/call again where it would take another hour to try explaining where I am at just to be cut off again. Confirmed my incompetence in communication and left me with nowhere else to turn.

 

[JustAStory]

Yes, and it was an extremely frustrating experience.

I was out of town and realized I was feeling suicidal; ran to my hotel room and called the hotline.
I was having a hard time speaking, and the lady just kept asking me to raise my voice and speak more clearly.

I ended up telling her there was no problem as I was in a safe place and with no means of harming myself and hang up.
I then recorded a voice note to myself and sent a message to a student I was advising for his MSc thesis and I believed I did a really poor work with in the last few months due to my instability.
We made a better plan for the upcoming two months and managed to do a nice job.

So, I could say, the hotline was completely useless and my next, almost subconscious thought was to plan something a bit forward in the future to bind me to a kind of "oath".

That was one of my lowest days, but the way it played out gave me a little time to reconsider; my immediate thought was that they have completely incompetent people on those hotlines, but I also thought the fact I called meant that I didn't really want to die; when I came back to my town I sought medical help and I recovered for a full 3 years.

 

[justkatie]

Being told "That sounds difficult" and "Have you tried to XYZ?" (paraphrasing as I don't want to explain my personal difficulties here) means absolutely nothing. I could've talked to my dog and got a better response.

Yes, and it was an extremely frustrating experience.

I was out of town and realized I was feeling suicidal; ran to my hotel room and called the hotline.
I was having a hard time speaking, and the lady just kept asking me to raise my voice and speak more clearly.

I ended up telling her there was no problem as I was in a safe place and with no means of harming myself and hang up.
I then recorded a voice note to myself and sent a message to a student I was advising for his MSc thesis and I believed I did a really poor work with in the last few months due to my instability.
We made a better plan for the upcoming two months and managed to do a nice job.

So, I could say, the hotline was completely useless and my next, almost subconscious thought was to plan something a bit forward in the future to bind me to a kind of "oath".

That was one of my lowest days, but the way it played out gave me a little time to reconsider; my immediate thought was that they have completely incompetent people on those hotlines, but I also thought the fact I called meant that I didn't really want to die; when I came back to my town I sought medical help and I recovered for a full 3 years.

The sad thing is people on a lot of these lines are trained to NOT give any practical advice and only to let you talk and give non emotional feedback.

A lot of then are run by volunteers and I personally wonder how many of them are doing it to "do some good in the world" or to put on their CV and not because they genuinely care for people.

 

[Seered Doom]

They don't help people who that are like me. They lose their patience and hang up or yell at me

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

once they realized I was deeply suicidal, they tried getting me a welfare check.

 

[willitpass]

I've never called, only texted. But I used to text a lot when I was younger. It was never helpful. I got told to eat a brownie, paint, go on a walk in the middle of the night as a young female, and other useless coping skills. Thrown in amongst a million meaningless platitudes like "you're so strong for going through all of this" and "I'm glad you decided to reach out" and "that must be so hard". I never left feeling any better, and the text lines take 15minutes-2hours to respond to your initial text and then each subsequent response is delayed by several minutes, so you're better off just calming yourself down from whatever crisis you're in at that point.

The only time I ever received actual help from one was when I texted for a panic attack where I wasn't even actually suicidal. I told them as such but they were amazing at helping me walk through how to calm down and then were able to set me up with some amazing resources for what caused my panic attack for future use. So the suicide hotline had only helped me once and I wasn't even suicidal.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

They have their place I think. For folks who are just being emotional and "think" they want to ctb. The hotline will talk them out. A friend of mine had an experience like that. He was just very young and emotional and stressed about school, and one night out of the blue he thought he would ctb.

For folks like most of us here they're absolutely useless. We are too determined. We've reached the point of no return.

Me personally - nobody will ever be able to argue me out of nihilism. I did try to talk to someone some years ago (not a hot line though). What ended up happening was that I smiled and lied that I wasn't "feeling" suicidal anymore, thanked the person, and went right back to planning my ctb :)

Also remember that Ted Bundy volunteered at a suicide prevention hotline for some time :) Do what you wish with that info :)

I got told to eat a brownie

omg what lol.

 

[DontTouchMeImFamous]

We don't have a suicide hotline in my country lol. Suicide here is a lifelong stigma. Even if it exited, no one would dare to call it. Just imagine if I called them and they got my phone number and decided to follow-up with me or to hospitalize me. Jesus Christ! My life is literally ruined. I would be done with. The pity looks from people, their curiosity, their gossip, their fear from me, the rumors, blaming, and definitely no job for me after that. I will live as an outcast for the rest of my life. I don't know how would I face my family.

 

[whywere]

They don't help people who that are like me. They lose their patience and hang up or yell at me

That is what happened to me also. Like I mentioned in my post, he was not only ultra uncaring, he got bitchy with me as he lost patience with me. I was supposed to hang up since I was not going to kill myself right then and there.

You are such a wonderfully kind person and to have that happen to you is completely wrong.

You are family and never let some darn idiot from anywhere ever get you down, as you are way too precious of a person for that kind of crappy treatment.

Walter

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I have never talked to a suicide hotline and I'll try my best to make sure it stays that way. I refuse to let normies who know nothing about me act like they know what's best for me. I'm not meant for this world nor do I want to be meant for this world. I refuse to let normies convince me that wage slavery and suffering is better than death.

From what I can think of, the only real benefit of a suicide hotline is having somebody to vent to but, honestly, if you only want to vent to someone, this site is far superior for that as you can talk about your issues and find people here who actually understand you instead of being blindly pro life. Not to mention that, over here, you can talk about being suicidal without dealing with the risk of being locked up

 

[HereTomorrow]

Never did. Got offered the number since I was 12 and almost did call them, but I was in my "I only trust people my age" phase. I was always promised it was anonymous and confidential, but how could it be anonymous and confidential if they can send the police to my house if I say "I'm suicidial and not doing anything about it"? Imagine being a child, barely trusting your parents, calling the line because you see it everywhere, and wake up to police at your door? Congrats, you destroyed your parent's trust and you're traumatized by the ER. Nobody wins!

It's also falsely implied to be a support line, when, for the most part, if you talk for too long and you're not actively suicidial, the volunteer needs to hang you up, isolating you, because there's someone else to call.

For its purpose, it's really a "Call us if you're acutely suicidial and we'll talk you down or send police" line. I don't even see it being advertised as anonymous or confidential anymore.

 

[Seered Doom]

That is what happened to me also. Like I mentioned in my post, he was not only ultra uncaring, he got bitchy with me as he lost patience with me. I was supposed to hang up since I was not going to kill myself right then and there.

You are such a wonderfully kind person and to have that happen to you is completely wrong.

You are family and never let some darn idiot from anywhere ever get you down, as you are way too precious of a person for that kind of crappy treatment.

Walter

WALTER, YOU'RE TOO WHOLESOME, WAAAAAH!

The lady that was on there w me was snappy and rude, kept her yells when that wasn't helpful. No one wanted to help, they keep the shame. Sad you had same type treatment.

 

[warriorkot]

i'm too worried about them calling emergency services on me..

 

[Ironborn]

I called once and it just sounded like they were reading off a checklist, was a weird experience.
I think the only people you can really talk to are other suicidal folk. It's kind of a line in the sand, you can't relate to us until you cross over but there's no going back once you have.