Discussion Have you ever had a girlfriend (or boyfriend)?

[Pupuce]

I had the immense displeasure of realizing that even when i have someone i don't want to lose, i can't muster the will to talk when it's needed. Guess i'm too used to keeping everything to myself. But hey, maybe i won't have to put up with myself for too long.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I've had
Heartbroken at the end but I don't really care now. I was like 16
17. Almost 2 years. That's when I realized nobody could ever love me
21 now and just a series of one night stands and a couple of dick providers

 

[Ruffian]

It may feel like conditioning but there's a reason they encourage women to pair up especially. A lot of women are perfectly happy to be single in our 20's and even into 30's but as u get closer to middle age and u failed to land a partner or had kids u will notice it's not a fulfilling place to be. It's not easy to find a guy as u move out of 20's for women because our marriage, sexual, dating value is highest till age 24 and then begins to drop. I sometimes read about women who are single and childless in older ages and I find it hard to believe they are happy unless they are very close to other family or have a large extended family. Women aren't as motivated in career or job as we hit older ages and it can leave u really bad off financially. Unless u have some easy gov created job that pays artificially high wages. Women are happiest when we have security but men are more interested in freedom because they don't get pregnant so they don't have the same worries. That's why men can take more risk and earn more.

I would say that this is true for most women, but I think it may be changing slowly. We'll see. I am definitely older, childless, and I didn't find the love of my life until I was 43. But I definitely never wanted kids due to mental health issues since childhood basically. So I don't look back and regret not having kids. I also never had a serious drive to get married, as I believe a lot of motivation for marriage is security, and I always wanted to be my own person. I took a lot of shit in my late 20s and early 30s for not rushing to get married and have babies. As disappointing as getting older is, having people look at you with a kind of pity (I think that's what the looks are) for not having your own family is, it's nothing compared to constantly being boreassed about when you'll become a baby factory. I totally agree about the career part - if my job were still the same as when I started I'd be like, Nah bro, I'm good, but the truth is, it has changed along with the world. I don't find it as satisfying any more. It's downright awful, and top on the list that brought me here.

 

[21Neberg]

Never had a boyfriend (I'm a gay guy), probably never will. It's already hard for me to find another gay guy, and then you add my picky-iness and my mental disorders to the mix and you've got a recipe for loneliness. Plus, I might ctb at any moment, so it would be very egotistical of me if I had a serious relationship. I keep wondering how it feels like, though. It seems great. I had a serious crush on school and it was one of the best feelings I've experienced.

You seem like a great guy. Give love a chance! Finding someone to love might just be what you need to get through these tough times. You just seem so nice, there has to be light at the end of the tunnel for you.

dick providers

I love this lol, don't forget you've still got humor!!

 

[Oblivion Lover]

You seem like a great guy. Give love a chance! Finding someone to love might just be what you need to get through these tough times. You just seem so nice, there has to be light at the end of the tunnel for you.

Why, thank you. That's very nice of you.

 

[Taylored]

I had both long ago it's nothing special and it probably made me as bad off as I am today being with people since I have yet to connect with somebody.

 

[not_a_robot]

Yeah, I guess it is. I just feel like I'm missing out by being 22 and never having a relationship.

They are not easy. At first you are in a candy-floss haze from oxytocin and it seems great. Then the pursuit of maintaining that feeling leads you to all sort of shitty little compromises til neither of you are even really yourselves anymore and the candyfloss is slowly melting, rotting in the heat and light of the harsh sun, bleh, that's why ppl in relationships end up murdering each other almost as often as they marry. Kids come along by accident then you're stuck with the person, unhappy but you feel too much of an arsehole if you leave. Most of the happiness you see is a display to hide the strain.

 

[Severen]

Sometimes, being in a relationship can make you feel more alone than ever. The key to victory is being in the RIGHT relationship.

 

[Rocksandsand]

I only had sex for money to survive being disabled with no help and I regret all the sex I ever had for free but no, I do not feel bad about myself, I just feel bad about the men I didn't make pay me.

This! I am an ex sex-worker, and I have the same feeling. I just get bitter now that I don't get paid for being used anymore, but I resent having done it in the first place so it's not like I ever want to go back

Sometimes, being in a relationship can make you feel more alone than ever.

I have been in a relationship for over a year now after being single for ten years. And my mental health has never been worse. 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' is complete bullshit.

Also, I just wanted to chime in and say that there are so many people in this thread that I genuinely like and wish I could know in real life. I haven't ever spoken to anyone even over PM, but I always have a flicker of happiness when I see certain names pop up in the forums. I love seeing what you think and what you have to say. And that honest and unrestrained feeling of connection is better than my partner has made me feel in months.

 

[not_a_robot]

It may feel like conditioning but there's a reason they encourage women to pair up especially. A lot of women are perfectly happy to be single in our 20's and even into 30's but as u get closer to middle age and u failed to land a partner or had kids u will notice it's not a fulfilling place to be. It's not easy to find a guy as u move out of 20's for women because our marriage, sexual, dating value is highest till age 24 and then begins to drop. I sometimes read about women who are single and childless in older ages and I find it hard to believe they are happy unless they are very close to other family or have a large extended family. Women aren't as motivated in career or job as we hit older ages and it can leave u really bad off financially. Unless u have some easy gov created job that pays artificially high wages. Women are happiest when we have security but men are more interested in freedom because they don't get pregnant so they don't have the same worries. That's why men can take more risk and earn more.

I have the opposite experience. I feel society trying to force FOMO down my throat, make me feel like a failed female for not breeding and being "alone" but I just find it amusing. Every day I am more delighted by the certainty that staying solo was right for me, and so grateful for every man who dumped me, I was just hallucinating. Expelling oxytocin rather than indulging it, detaching from the squishy sentimentality of the world as much as possible, these can help bring clarity. Aging helps, less estrogen confusing me, thank god.
I don't see myself as a failed female at all, I see myself as a bachelor playboy who can take or leave sex whenever I want. I'm too weird for a husband and baby, I'm Han Solo, I just need a Wookie and a good houseboy like yours! You have no idea how lucky you are to have a good one, most are more trouble than they are worth.
"hey there mister
you'll get the picture,
I'll do a fake-out
Make out with your sister
I'm Solo, Han Solo
SoloooOo"

 

[mathieu]

I have had a few relationships. They never lasted long. I've just dumped the last guy, felt he was using me. Happy to be single for my remaining time.

 

[not_a_robot]

This! I am an ex sex-worker, and I have the same feeling. I just get bitter now that I don't get paid for being used anymore, but I resent having done it in the first place so it's not like I ever want to go back



I have been in a relationship for over a year now after being single for ten years. And my mental health has never been worse. 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' is complete bullshit.

Also, I just wanted to chime in and say that there are so many people in this thread that I genuinely like and wish I could know in real life. I haven't ever spoken to anyone even over PM, but I always have a flicker of happiness when I see certain names pop up in the forums. I love seeing what you think and what you have to say. And that honest and unrestrained feeling of connection is better than my partner has made me feel in months.

I don't know whether to react Like, Love, Wow, Hug, or Sad.

 

[Asta]

Thirty-four years ago I read somewhere that if you write down what you want and read it over and over, it will happen. I wrote "Give me my perfect companion." Two weeks later, there he was and has been ever since. Can't explain it - maybe we made some sort of contract with each other before we were born and that's why it's so hard to imagine leaving without him :(

 

[LonelyLight]

I am 25. 10 years with my partner. It's got its good points and bad. I guess because someones had a relationship doesn't mean they've felt fulfilment.. if that makes sense..

 

[Life sucks]

I don't know how to describe so probably yes and no in the same time. I'm actually glad now that I'm isolated with no relationship with toxic humans. There are downsides because as a biological body I need emotions and sex. But now as I'm aging, I care less.

 

[Severen]

It may feel like conditioning but there's a reason they encourage women to pair up especially. A lot of women are perfectly happy to be single in our 20's and even into 30's but as u get closer to middle age and u failed to land a partner or had kids u will notice it's not a fulfilling place to be. It's not easy to find a guy as u move out of 20's for women because our marriage, sexual, dating value is highest till age 24 and then begins to drop. I sometimes read about women who are single and childless in older ages and I find it hard to believe they are happy unless they are very close to other family or have a large extended family. Women aren't as motivated in career or job as we hit older ages and it can leave u really bad off financially. Unless u have some easy gov created job that pays artificially high wages. Women are happiest when we have security but men are more interested in freedom because they don't get pregnant so they don't have the same worries. That's why men can take more risk and earn more.

Well a lack of a paid paternity leave is fucking over a lot of women in this world. And some women can't stand the thought of having children because then, they would have to make a lot of sacrifices. I don't think women were meant to be single though. I've seen a lot of men, capable of being loners, no problem. But women? No... But then they just turn to cats or dogs for companionship. If you look at other primates like chimps and monkeys, you can learn a lot about men and women. Most human beings are just insane chimps and monkeys. One of the reasons, I know a lot of about human beings is from closely observing chimps and monkeys.

 

[enigmática saudade]

Never been in a relationship. However, I had sex with a jerk. My biggest regret.

 

[deltahead]

i feel like i'm almost doing a public service by not approaching anyone, not being under any hormonal delusions that a relationship of any kind would be good to me, or that relationships are a good idea in general. i tried to be in a very wholesome low-key online friendship for a few months and i, at age 18, couldn't handle that shit despite 95% of the work already being done for me. i like people even LESS after that, which is almost impressive. if i can't handle something as simple as that, then relationships in general should be completely off the table and anything that says otherwise is just my brain tricking me into breeding. the only other "experiences" i have aside from that are memories of sexting with adults as a 12 year old online. if i suddenly believed that i could be in love or be "happy" with someone like i'm a human being or something, the only thing i'd ever bring to the other person is misery and trauma. i feel perfectly fine sabotaging every relationship i fall into because not having me in their life is an objective net gain for everyone. mine or their feelings don't matter, especially considering any given person has a far greater ability to believe in their own bullshit than i have. and even speaking in non-pretentious terms, i pretty much fit every "gross guy" stereotype that exists. absolutely nothing about me is good or even dignified (aside from whatever fetishized qualities the other person projects into me i guess).

dying a worthless disappointment to my family is far more preferable to putting someone in a months/years/decades long trap because i need to validate some ridiculous implanted dollhouse fantasy of being a good straight christian family man. i don't trust myself to follow through with this though, so CTBing before i change my mind/am conditioned into changing my mind is a great idea

 

[Severen]

This! I am an ex sex-worker, and I have the same feeling. I just get bitter now that I don't get paid for being used anymore, but I resent having done it in the first place so it's not like I ever want to go back



I have been in a relationship for over a year now after being single for ten years. And my mental health has never been worse. 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' is complete bullshit.

Also, I just wanted to chime in and say that there are so many people in this thread that I genuinely like and wish I could know in real life. I haven't ever spoken to anyone even over PM, but I always have a flicker of happiness when I see certain names pop up in the forums. I love seeing what you think and what you have to say. And that honest and unrestrained feeling of connection is better than my partner has made me feel in months.

Whoever said "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" clearly doesn't know much about relationships or just wanted to write some fantasy romance bullshit.

 

[mattwitt]

Neither and never will.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

No.

But I would've liked to.

 

[puppy9]

I'm feeling confused actually. I never wanted to make children...
What does boyfriend/girlfriend mean?
Its not just a conjunction of "boy/girl" and "friend", right? Something bigger than its parts? What would I do without dictionaries...
Are you essentially asking about romantic and sexual partners?
Ok, sex is quite straightforward... What is romance then? Chemical induced passionate attraction? Anticipation of sex part? Both? Something else?

I guess I never had. What am I losing? I see couples everywhere I go, and most people I pay attention to are wearing rings. But I could count the number of RL people (tangible ones) I felt sexually attracted by the fingers of my left hand. Or right, if it does matter. I'm practically asexual, I guess, in a sense of severely lacking
any sexual attraction.
I wonder how having sex with someone else is different pleasure-wise than jerking off?
I've felt bad about it before because people around me put so much emphasis on finding "another half", like I'm incomplete without another.


I guess its a sexual attraction towards yourself. It's when you get a hard on by looking at your reflection. This one is the real nacissism right here.


By asexual you mean not having any sexual desire or you have, but disgusted with this very idea? Or something else maybe?

desire still there but couldn't be bothered because sex is a chore, and I got something better to do. Sex is kinda gross and awkward; no offense to hyper sexual beast out there. I don't get into relationships because I can't commit sexually to my partner and it would be selfish of me. I can have sex but not as passionately and frequently as my partner. Just two animals causing friction with their flesh. I just masturbate once in a blue moon, for the sake of cleaning up the pipe, because nature's way of cleaning it, is gross. Sexual thoughts just doesn't cross my mind as much as others maybe. Porn is just disgusting and a waste of time. Prefer reading and sketching. I don't have any sexual abuse history.

 

[JJ-NOHOPE]

Once. I was 12 he was 17 or 18 and he raped me.

Never after that.

Didn't even talk about it for 42 years.

I was a phenomenally successful, independent woman for most of my life, but always completely alone, except for pets. Everyone thought that's the way I wanted it.

But I always wanted to fall in love, and be loved back. But couldn't because of my childhood sexual trauma.

So here I am old and doomed to be alone for the rest of my life.

The above contributes about 33% to my current complete and total mental breakdown.

 

[Bärchen]

33, never had and never will.
I'm a ugly piece of shit that always get rejected or laughed at. Every few years i try and it gets worse everytime.
I hope i find some strength to lay my neck on traintracks, i cant take it anymore i lose intereset in everything, even my cats.
I sleep shit, always fighting not to cry and i hate every inch of my disgusting body.

 

[Suicidal4Ever]

Never have and most likely never will. It use to be really embarrassing and I hated being alone. Now I just don't care.

 

[Kuolema]

Never have, never even had sex. Whenever I talk to guys I'm attracted to I end up stuttering and saying stupid shit that I ruminate on for ages.

 

[lotus11]

I was together with my 'perfect' man for three years. I loved him and we were very happy together. But of course, inevitably, we broke up because I am too fucked up and have too many problems in my life...

 

[thedutchguy]

If been married for 8 years with my first real love, been together for 15 years. She left me because of my disablements after she cheated on me first with a friend.

Last relation of over just a year I broke it up after not getting the suicidal part under control and wishing my attemps in 2009/2010 had worked. So broke up where still good friends tho but didn't want to put her through from close by. I still love her dearly to this point. But don't want to make it more difficult then it's now.

 

[RM5998]

Haven't had any relationships. I let my best chance slide until it was too late because I believed it would be presumptuous, not to mention the stack of personality and self-worth issues that I had. At the time, my overly egotistical self rationalized it as wanting to be selfless, but over time I've come to accept that I was just afraid that she would end up hating me because of the shitstain that I really was (and still am). While the decision was sound, I really didn't know how much I'd wanted that relationship (or my fantasy version of it) until she got into a relationship with another guy. These days, I sometimes wish I could go back and take the risk of her ending up hating me, but TBH, I don't think I'd have the spine for it even if I somehow managed to get another chance.

As for the sexuality part, I'm an asexual demiromantic cisgender male. (Funnily enough, despite how well that assortment of terms describes me, it still sounds like ancient Greek to my ears.)

 

[AngelGirl]

I did. She was too nice of a person. I felt overshadowed and unworthy, I was jealous and manipulative. She put up with me until she couldn't anymore, and I was too much of a coward to admit guilt. I miss her, but do not blame her for leaving.

I feel like I'm similar. I am mentally unstable so I manipulate good people by taking advantage of people who are being nice to me.

But I can't help it. I feel like I'm dying all the time. My actions are almost like me trying to save myself by drowning the other person instead of me.