Venting Have you ever felt like you are some kind of a filth?

[ilovemy2d]

You know what I always have this feeling that i am some kind of a filthy creature. Back at school i would sit away from my class mates just so they wouldn't feel bad about having me around for the time.
Does anyone have similar insecurities like me?..
I always feel like people should be protected from me. Coz if they aren't, I will do something to hurt them or make them feel disgusting about myself and hurt myself even more.
And when some one come closer to be friends with me I would deliberately push them away thinking that poor girl/guy is gonna betrayed by me and I will just wriggle myself away from the scene.
If there would be a world I would like to live, that would be a place devoid of any other ppl. Just the basic necessities and me.nothing fancy. No great dreams or expectations. Thts me

 

[MiseryWithoutCompany]

I definitely had this same sort of view of myself in gradeschool. Filthy black girl, etc. But I believe for me, though, the feelings went away as I distanced myself from people and observed that there actually are filthier beings than myself, you know? People out there with less consideration for those around them, even unaware of the effects they have... that sort of thing.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I have always felt like a lesser; disgusting, ugly, a joke. These feelings are worse when I'm around people and am actively seeing the differences in them compared to myself, and this includes looks, achievements, how (seemingly, anyway) easily others interact and socialize whereas I have always been so awkward and self-conscious and anxious. I felt like such a gross disgusting person that when I did manage to have a boyfriend in high school, I was embarrassed to say "my boyfriend" when referring to him because I felt like people were laughing at me behind me back or in their minds, in a condescending way like "Oh how sad but funny that this THING thinks she has a boyfriend". I don't know how else to explain that but it's how I felt. What's weird is, when I would be alone, and trying to objectively look at myself I honestly didn't think I was soooo terrible of a person or should be considered such a loser. Then I'd see myself in the mirror or when I'd be back in a social or school setting and I'd realize all over again that I really AM gross and a loser. It messes with your head, to view yourself so negatively but I can't/couldn't help it.

 

[pole]

yes, i still have this feeling that i'm just trash and just the worst type of thing out there.

it's odd though, even though it's negative, it makes me feel good putting myself down even more and viewing myself as this filth, probably because we feel as if we deserve it.

i've always felt that way as well, pushing people away whenever they get close. i think it's normal for someone that's been hurt by people close to them in the past, or thinks so less of themselves in which they feel that the other person is better off without them. unhealthy, but the right thing to do in our mind.

 

[ClownMe]

I feel like im extremely unattractive and weird.

 

[FuneralCry]

In the past I have had all sorts of negative feelings towards myself. These days my negative feelings are towards life itself, as the fact that I was born in the first place is the cause of all of my problems. I wish I was never born really.

 

[ilovemy2d]

In the past I have had all sorts of negative feelings towards myself. These days my negative feelings are towards life itself, as the fact that I was born in the first place is the cause of all of my problems. I wish I was never born really.

I always ask myself "why we're u even born kiddo?"

I feel like im extremely unattractive and weird.

Same way dude.

I have always felt like a lesser; disgusting, ugly, a joke. These feelings are worse when I'm around people and am actively seeing the differences in them compared to myself, and this includes looks, achievements, how (seemingly, anyway) easily others interact and socialize whereas I have always been so awkward and self-conscious and anxious. I felt like such a gross disgusting person that when I did manage to have a boyfriend in high school, I was embarrassed to say "my boyfriend" when referring to him because I felt like people were laughing at me behind me back or in their minds, in a condescending way like "Oh how sad but funny that this THING thinks she has a boyfriend". I don't know how else to explain that but it's how I felt. What's weird is, when I would be alone, and trying to objectively look at myself I honestly didn't think I was soooo terrible of a person or should be considered such a loser. Then I'd see myself in the mirror or when I'd be back in a social or school setting and I'd realize all over again that I really AM gross and a loser. It messes with your head, to view yourself so negatively but I can't/couldn't help it.

Thanks for sharing that. Must have taken some time for it.. Yh true enough .. Ig all have this same line of thoughts in their minds... Some keep it down.. Some take it to the extend of ctbing