Have you ever been bullied? (poll)

[Marauder]

I have been mentaly abused by my own father. That totally destroyed my self-confidence and I started to hate myself. Im super sensitive and shy person so life is unbearable for me. Cant do literally nothing. Every failure is literally killing me from inside.
Only safe place for me is when Im alone, even though I would love to be socially active but I just cant do that.
I hope it will end soon

 

[deadbeat]

No, actually. For a time I was really into macabre things, which you'd think I would've gotten negative attention for. I was a creepy child.
I think for my teen years I mostly just faded into the background.
I was always quiet but I spoke enough to where people didn't think I was completely weird. If I was male the "shyness" probably wouldn't have been seen as cute or whatever, though.

 

[Fedrea]

Bullying definitely seems like a way for one person to get power or control in their life. They have a way of sniffing out those who are vulnerable.

I sensed it was something to do with control with a few people.........like they have a self esteem deficit but instead of it resulting in depression, they get some kind of boost by putting weak or weakened people down.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I sensed it was something to do with control with a few people.........like they have a self esteem deficit but instead of it resulting in depression, they get some kind of boost by putting weak or weakened people down.

It's really sad.

 

[Hydration]

Thankfully, only when I was in first grade. I skipped from kindergarten to the first grade and I was bullied for presumably being younger. Still ridiculous to me. I have no idea why me being younger than everyone else in class was a valid reason to harass me. My mom tells me I was apparently beaten and came home with a bloody nose and crying, which I absolutely do not remember.

 

[Fedrea]

It's really sad.

It is quite strange. I think in some cases, it is when you are both weakened and vulnerable, but possess something that means the bully feels good about gaining ascendancy over you. In other cases, they simply go for the weak.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. I was bullied in primary school because of my physical appearance and in high school because I was shy and quiet but I never had suicidal thoughts because of that. I didn't punch bullies because I didn't want to get in trouble but I really feel like doing it. I feel sorry for all teenagers who ctb because of bullying.

 

[Superdeterminist]

If you don't mind me asking, why did you perpetuate bullying yourself? What I notice vividly is...........when I was younger and strong I don't remember anyone doing anything like bullying towards me as an adult...........then when I became vulnerable it was like that brought out bullying behaviour in some of those around me. As if........people want to do this towards those they perceive as weak. Is that how it works?

Back then, half the time I was bullying, I didn't even recognise it as bullying, only in retrospect (maybe even as late as ~5 years later) did I really appreciate that what I'd done was wrong. The other times, when I bullied despite a sense that it was wrong, it was motivated largely by peer pressure. Classmates were doing it so I felt compelled to follow suit. The environment felt very much like 'eat or be eaten', it was a horrible atmosphere rife with fear and power hierarchies. The implicit message was that if you try to back out of it and defy the other bullies, you'll just be the next victim.

As I had been bullied and knew how terrible it felt, I wanted to avoid suffering it again, so I surmised that if I were the bully, I wouldn't be the target again. It is twisted logic, the social dynamics between children at school can be really disgusting like that sometimes.

I didn't bully often, and it was never the physical kind of bullying, only verbal. But I definitely contributed to it and I hate that I ever did. I won't pretend to know why people bully, I don't think anyone has it figured out properly, down to a science. I think that different people may bully for different reasons but who knows.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Back then, half the time I was bullying, I didn't even recognise it as bullying, only in retrospect (maybe even as late as ~5 years later) did I really appreciate that what I'd done was wrong. The other times, when I bullied despite a sense that it was wrong, it was motivated largely by peer pressure. Classmates were doing it so I felt compelled to follow suit. The environment felt very much like 'eat or be eaten', it was a horrible atmosphere rife with fear and power hierarchies. The implicit message was that if you try to back out of it and defy the other bullies, you'll just be the next victim.

As I had been bullied and knew how terrible it felt, I wanted to avoid suffering it again, so I surmised that if I were the bully, I wouldn't be the target again. It is twisted logic, the social dynamics between children at school can be really disgusting like that sometimes.

I didn't bully often, and it was never the physical kind of bullying, only verbal. But I definitely contributed to it and I hate that I ever did. I won't pretend to know why people bully, I don't think anyone has it figured out properly, down to a science. I think that different people may bully for different reasons but who knows.

It sounds to me like you tried to look out for yourself and picked what seemed like the safest option. Maybe it wasn't the best choice, but I can respect that you were in a bad place. Plenty of people would have made the same decision in your shoes, and I don't think your past makes you a bad person or anything.

I think you should be given some grace, espscially since you have remorse. I'm sorry if I said something wrong, but I just really wanted to speak up.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Just curious how many of us went through this.
I didn't find this question in the recent survey conducted by this forum, though I think it should have been included.
I had been bullied many times in young age and I believe it drastically impacted my mental health and had a major impact on my suicidal ideation.

Every living thing gets bullied. It usually starts with siblings and goes on from there. It is training for existence. I am not talking about violence though. Assault is a different ball game. Bullying can do as much damage, but it really is just a part of the nature of existence.

Back then, half the time I was bullying, I didn't even recognise it as bullying, only in retrospect (maybe even as late as ~5 years later) did I really appreciate that what I'd done was wrong. The other times, when I bullied despite a sense that it was wrong, it was motivated largely by peer pressure. Classmates were doing it so I felt compelled to follow suit. The environment felt very much like 'eat or be eaten', it was a horrible atmosphere rife with fear and power hierarchies. The implicit message was that if you try to back out of it and defy the other bullies, you'll just be the next victim.

As I had been bullied and knew how terrible it felt, I wanted to avoid suffering it again, so I surmised that if I were the bully, I wouldn't be the target again. It is twisted logic, the social dynamics between children at school can be really disgusting like that sometimes.

I didn't bully often, and it was never the physical kind of bullying, only verbal. But I definitely contributed to it and I hate that I ever did. I won't pretend to know why people bully, I don't think anyone has it figured out properly, down to a science. I think that different people may bully for different reasons but who knows.

That is generally how it works. Competition and the ability to stand up for the self is the paramount learning curve.

 

[mapletree]

Yes, by both peers and teachers, some of it physical, some of it like death threats or telling me to kill myself. No, it doesn't go away or get better, I don't really think most people get over stuff like this if it goes on consistently for decades, it just becomes part of who you are

 

[Panna]

I went through it back when I was in daycare, this african boy, his brother and a older white boy would beat me for speaking, as a result it's affected my confidence and self esteem. In highschool, I got lucky though, I had a friend in one of the football jocks who would copy off my homework, and found out about me being bullied by one of the seniors, not only did he follow the guy to the local mcdonalds and told him to leave me alone, he ended up breaking his arm, when the guy decided it was smart to mouth off to him. I never had a probably with it afterwards.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Technically yes for a brief period of time but that was because I went to a middle school that was ghetto af and not only was I the new kid again but I was also whitey. I still had a close knit group I belonged to but the kids outside of it were crazy disrespectful. I stopped going to that shithole shortly after thankfully so that stopped but I also had to lose all the friends that I had which sucked.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Yes, I've been bullied. I'm very grateful for the few sincere friendships I have now. I don't think I did anything to deserve it as a kid; think I was just an easy target. But now I wonder if anything about my behavior or personality has made me responsible for it.

 

[Tasdevil]

I was bullied at school and also in the workplace

 

[141592653]

Bullying was one of the main plagues in my life even now that it has turned into transphobia. I'd say if I die it's because of that.

 

[Troopper]

I wouldn't say I've been bullied the worst. But I've had times where I got bullied for reasons I don't understand. I am usually the type who tries to be optimistic and kind, but I guess my personality bothers people and they feel a need to be rude and sometimes even malicious towards me.
One time in the military during a christmas gathering in the hallway, one of our sergents would tell a story where almost everyone in the platoon was included. It was a funny story right until it came to me. For some reason I was portrayed in a humiliating way like I'm not worth anything. Idk why he felt the need to talk about me like that. I've always pulled my weight in the military, never really relying on anyone, but trying to help and kind to people. That day still hurts even till this day and it was many years ago now.

 

[enuff]

Bullies are everywhere. I've been bullied all my life. Grade school bullying led to a life time of SI. I guess I just look like an easy target. idk. I grew up with Aspbergers before it was a thing, and being a gay kid with no support newtwork at school like they have these days, I would get taunted constantly, made for a very grueling adolescence.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Thankfully, only when I was in first grade. I skipped from kindergarten to the first grade and I was bullied for presumably being younger. Still ridiculous to me. I have no idea why me being younger than everyone else in class was a valid reason to harass me. My mom tells me I was apparently beaten and came home with a bloody nose and crying, which I absolutely do not remember.

Maybe your brain blocked it out to protect you. That sounds pretty traumatic :(

 

[Life_is_comedy]

I was bullied at school but I did fight back physically and defended myself so it wasn't a problem. Workplace bullying by adults is much worse because you cannot fight back (you'll be charge with assault and land in prison) and you have the added bonus of not having the option to quit immediately because you need the money to pay your bills. So either you'll have to suck it up and fight back constantly with words or until your mental health deteriorates. When it's a group ganging up on you and harassing you playing mind games with you, there isn't really much you can do. Society protects these hyenas and with the added prospect of social media and smartphones recording our outbursts, yep, you'll just have to take it. No wonder mass shootings exist.

As I had been bullied and knew how terrible it felt, I wanted to avoid suffering it again, so I surmised that if I were the bully, I wouldn't be the target again. It is twisted logic, the social dynamics between children at school can be really disgusting like that sometimes.

Sounds like prison. Some inmates rape to avoid being raped by the other bigger inmates. It's disgusting and twisted but humanity is evil and fucked up.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

As a kid, constantly. I wasn't very assertive and had a lot of effeminate behaviors. I was a scapegoat for my family and a metaphorical punching bag for my male peers, even though I don't remember it ever getting seriously physical.

It left me with extreme anger issues. I'm basically incapable of genuinely connecting with anyone, and I never learned how to make friends, or even see people as entities that are possible to befriend. Like they're not real people, just sentries monitoring your behavior and scanning for vulnerabilities and violations so they have an excuse to strike. So I hate being observed, nothing fucks up my flow more than being supervised, and I play the roles I'm meant to while spitting the people who assign them to me, but I rarely internalize them. Or I feel the exact opposite, they're real humans, and I'm the robot. I'm just a visitor or an onlooker, that I never get to participate or commit in full is a physical law. I'm only half-human and I'm only half-here, so it follows that I only get a half-life, and somehow they helped make me that way. I'm either the subject of someone's judgment or an untouchable voyeur at all times, but I'm never truly engaged.

I've been a bully before too but my motives, if you can really call them that, were way different from the bullying I received. I don't take pleasure in others' suffering, it actually makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I DO take pleasure in expressing my feelings, even when they're emotionally violent, yet because of how I am it appears as though I do, and I'm consistently misunderstood but its also completely reasonable for that to happen which makes it all the more frustrating. So I'm caught in a cycle of explosiveness, then compounding regret, then repression, then explosiveness.

To date no one has truly apologized to me or expressed remorse yet my life has basically devolved into constantly begging for forgiveness, though people seem to *think* I'm incapable of feeling bad about anything and they just want to pile on more and more misery, and honestly I'm just sick of the whole fucking thing. I don't want to live with this constant tension.

My life was unquestionably, absolutely ruined by it because it caused me to miss a very normal and fundamental piece of personal development. It wasn't even that *bad* but it colored my perception of what the world and the people in it are. And now I'm the bad guy and everyone hates me because of how easy it is to see how on edge and fake I am. It makes me so angry. There's just no understanding anywhere, ever. I try to be understanding myself but I'm just fucking bad at it, being compassionate or thoughtful is just fucking impossible with this mindset and that adds more pressure because that's yet another thing to be hated for.

 

[nitroautnz]

I have never been bullied I always manage to sneak between it, not sure how i manage that though

 

[Life_is_comedy]

I have never been bullied I always manage to sneak between it, not sure how i manage that though

Probably having many friends or being in a group. There is always safety in numbers. People in modern times like to say that we should fight our own battles and that those who gang up on the weak or lone individual are cowards but that's just cope. Reality is numbers and teamwork always beat the one guy. Been that way since ancient times and that's how we became apex predators in this world. Human beings rose to the top not being loners but being social and having teamwork, together with our group strategies and brains.

 

[nitroautnz]

I wish I could tell you there is. But that is why I am giving up on N and may have to go the hanging route.

You basically have 2 options to choose from for N and both options suck.

Probably having many friends or being in a group. There is always safety in numbers. People in modern times like to say that we should fight our own battles and that those who gang up on the weak or lone individual are cowards but that's just cope. Reality is numbers and teamwork always beat the one guy. Been that way since ancient times and that's how we became apex predators in this world. Human beings rose to the top not being loners but being social and having teamwork, together with our group strategies and brains.

No, I didn't really have friends actually maybe people that liked me but I always struggle with social interaction. I just managed to be invisible or not noticeable enough I suppose.

 

[Meditation guide]

I was first bullied at the age of 5 by a little brat in kindergarten. I remember it like it was yesterday, his name, the whole thing.

 

[muffin222]

Yes, unfortunately. I was a relatively cheerful child despite the abuse I'd endured until about age 10 when I met a very nasty, mean little girl who became my "best friend".

She bullied me and manipulated me mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, telling me how ugly I was, making fun of my clothes, and isolating me from forming any other friendships by convincing me that everyone else in the class secretly hated me and talked badly about me behind my back. She convinced me that anyone besides her who was nice to me was just doing it because they felt sorry for me because everyone hated me so much.

I later found out that none of that was true, and my fellow classmates liked me just fine- they just didn't know me very well because I spent 99% of my time with this girl. I found that out by chance on a day when my "best friend" was absent from school. It devastated me and made me very mistrustful of myself and other people because this girl was telling me that everyone hated me, yet when I interacted with my classmates on the rare occasions when she was absent, we got along just fine. It fucked with my mind so much that even if I wanted to be friends with other people besides her, I couldn't let my guard down because I never knew if other kids actually liked me or not. I no longer trusted my own intuition when it came to friends or interactions.

This girl basically controlled me and brainwashed me into having her as my only friend so she could use me as an emotional target.

A year later I ended up changing schools for reasons unrelated, but the damage to my self-esteem and self-confidence had already been done. The kids at my next school were curious about me, but because of my trust issues, I wasn't the friendliest child at first and from then on out I became the target of bullying for another 4 years at that school until I moved schools AGAIN.

To this day, I feel wary around people and fearful that they secretly don't like me. I also wonder what happened to that girl who bullied me in her life that warped her mind to the point where she'd hurt me and manipulate me like that. I hesitate to call children "evil" because I believe most kids are products of their environment, but this 10 year old girl was evil and heartless.