Have you been depressed as long as you remember?

[EternalHunger]

I don't think there has been a specific point in time that has been a catalyst to my suicidal ideation and self-harm problems, as long as I remember I've just been this way. One of my earliest memories was my first attempt at jumping off a stone archbridge that was in my path to primary school, I was stopped before I managed to muster enough courage but I developed a fear of heights due to it and it felt like the closest I've ever been to death 'emotionally' despite my later attempts, I remember when I was crying while being told off by the woman who took me off that I genuinely felt like I've already died the moment I stepped on that ledge and took a deep look down.

What about you guys?

 

[Jisatsu]

I started showing signs of depression at 10 after I was ... first raped.
My first attempt was at 11 and I haven't stopped being depressed since.

 

[princexhhn]

As far as I could remember, I never cared much about my own life. I often did risky things like sitting on the edge of a rooftop just because I can. I didn't have attempts as a child but I also often fantasized about killing myself. Taking the knife from the kitchen and gutting myself, jumping off the roof of our condo, going to school and just leaving instead of coming home.

 

[_Gollum_]

In my case there was a distinct before and after, with the line at age 18. But even in the before, I realize now that I never actually had a will to live, and I never conceived of death as bad. It was only natural that it thus appeared to me as a solution from the moment I began suffering.

 

[Surek]

My issues with depression started when I was 13, maybe a little earlier. I didn't have any major traumas at that age that could have been the root cause. Maybe puberty messed with me? I remember being pretty volatile back then. I'd never had suicidal thoughts before that, so it's not like this has always been a part of me.

But, to be honest, my memory of what happened to me before 3rd or 4th grade is really hazy. To me, it felt like weird time skips, and I was totally aware of how messed up it was. When I think about it, I get this mild sense of derealization (not sure if that's the right word, though)