Venting Have to CTB because I still like girls

[CantWait2D1E]

Anyone else frustrated with their sexuality?

My obsession with women is ruining every aspect of my life.
- I don't see any point in working or bettering myself if I don't have anyone to share the fruits of my labor with.
-I'm spending too much time masturbating to the pornography of women. Literally anything would be a better use of time. Like hobbies, video games, or education yet I always choose that.

I KNOW IM UNDESIRABLE… ITS BEEN PROVEN TIME AND TIME AGAIN. EVERY SINGLE FACET OF ME IS UGLY. YET THIS FUCKING ANNOYING PART OF ME STILL YEARNS FOR LOVE AND ATTENTION.

I tried many different parts of my life to kill these feelings yet they always creep up again. I thought that by committing "character suicide" ie. giving up on myself and ruining my life In every way imaginable, that Id acknowledge everything would be over for me and I finally quit hoping for a gf…. But these thoughts only intensified after that.

God how I wish I could just be asexual with a wave of a magic wand….. If I could just focus on myself and the grind I'd be a millionaire within 10 years, easy.

The ONE thing I can go out and do consistently (GYM) is being tainted by attraction. I love working out but I'm starting to hate going now because I'm developing a "gym crush". You'd think after being rejected one time before by a gym girl I'd learn my lesson

She's beautiful and strong and of course way outa my league (which is no league because I don't deserve anyone right now). I am absolutely disgusted by how I'm thinking about her like she's anything to me and how I feel excitement out of going to the gym because I maybe get to see her.

She was kinda looking at me the other day. Of course the likely explanation is that she's disgusted by how ugly and weak I am or that my interest I her has been noticed, but that weak stupid part of my mind keeps thinking "ooh this is a sign or maybe my feelings are finally being reciprocated"….

God I'm just so sick of wasting time, thoughts and emotions on strangers who will probably stay strangers. Is something wrong with me? It can't be normal to be this infatuated with everyday people you haven't even spoken to right?

Is there any asexuals on this site with advice on how to forgo attraction? Or is that a genetic disposition that I'm again screwed by not having?

Thanks for reading and any advice/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Gonnerr]

Life is hell bro , dna sucks , we can't change much in our fucking lives , we are just puppets. Like Einstein said , everything is determined , the beginning as well as the end by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the stars as well as for the insects and human being.

Im pretty sure universe and earth is hell , i was happy and immortal for billions of years until i was born. If that is not hell, what is it. Of course pro-life will say , well there is so much positive things about life , its fun to be alive.

Noooo, since im born , yes i had good times but im scared of dying either by unreliable suicide method or by natural causes and that fear of dying, this is pure hell.

Fuck the little pleasure of life , for what, less than 100 years of living , they woke me up from billions of years of peacefulness.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

The way you're thinking and feeling about this is how I felt about it back when I was in High School and a bit later when I started college for a couple years. I didn't go the gym or socialize with others much, but sometimes when I had to interact with people at work or school, that's when these kinds of feelings started to pop up.

I didn't ever get to the point of becoming suicidal over it, but it's probably because other things caused me to feel this way much sooner. As someone who's become asexual because of being depressed for many years, I can't tell you how to magically become that way and still enjoy life. I don't own a magic wand either, but if I had one that actually worked, I could fix things for both of us.

 

[HopelessSoul]

You are NOT obsessed, it is only natural as a man to be attracted to women, It truly its hell living like this, if we can't satisfy our most basic need is there really a point to live?
I don't think it is a good idea to try to get rid of libido since its hardwired into DNA, I tried it in the past and it didn't work, its going to come back one way or another.

Porn is such a double edged sword, I have the same problem, it relieves some stress but at the same time I hate watching through a screen what I can't have.
You could look into escorts if you are ok with that, I know that it can never give you the same thing that a girlfriend does, but at least sex with an escort should be
guaranteed.

I Wish I could give you better advice, but I'm pretty much in the same boat, don't be too hard on yourself, most men would've snapped long ago in your situation, this
world is brutal for average men, its so unfair and it makes no sense.​

 

[nomn101]

What you do is your own choice and you shouldn't feel forced to CBT.

Life is tough and dealing with such obstacles only makes it worse. it's understandable you feel this way.

It's important to understand that it's very normal for a man to want a woman sexually and emotionally. Attraction and sexual desire are natural and normal human experiences. I only bring this up to show that your behavior is normal lmao

To forgo attraction, it might help to focus on building meaningful relationships based on shared interests and values rather than just physical attraction. On the other hand, you could do the opposite and try to distance yourself from the source. This might create problems down the road, though. Do whatever suits you best.

Additionally, practicing mindfulness and redirecting your thoughts when you find yourself obsessing over a girl can help you break free from the cycle of attraction. This is what helped me when I was struggling with something similar

I think it's brilliant you want to change. My unwarranted opinion is you should focus on improving yourself to become the individual you want, then If you still feel the want to commit CBT, you should follow your heart. However, your decision is your own and yours alone. Do what you think is best!

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Similar situation, my current cope is trying to replicate the brain chemicals that come from relationships (and other good stuff people want), through other means. As a bonus, simply viewing the romantic relationships of others as drug-cocktails may take the edge off. Btw, this is all oversimplified and probably somewhat incorrect, I have no education.

Neurotransmitters we want, things to do to increase them:​

Dopamine, pleasure chemical:

Anything pleasurable, if you're anhedonic like me you can guess, remember, and pretend. Porn supposedly gives more of a dopamine hit, and for longer, than "real" sex. Exercise, accomplishments, food, music, gaming, and so on.

Diet, exercise, sunlight, meditation, sleep, humor, stress reduction, (social stuff).

Serotonin, feel-good chemical:

Things that calm you, make you feel good. Like more calm-pleasant than dopamine, I guess? Created in the gut from tryptophan instead of the brain (like dopamine) or something. Things like relaxing in the sun, music?

Diet, exercise, sunlight, meditation, sleep, humor, stress reduction, (social stuff).

GABA, recover and slow down:

Relaxing in some way, maybe? Looks like it's mostly lifestyle again.

Diet, exercise, sunlight, meditation, sleep, humor, stress reduction, (social stuff).

Oxytocin, love hormone and neurotransmitter:

Crying (I've got that one down), touching someone somehow (massage?), loving-kindness mediation, help others.

Diet, exercise, sunlight, meditation, sleep, humor, stress reduction, (social stuff).

Endorphins, pain reliever, stress reliever, mood booster:

Exercise (ofc), having fun and laughing somehow, music... dancing, apparently chocolate is mentioned as well.

Diet, exercise, sunlight, meditation, sleep, humor, stress reduction, (social stuff).



Like with all posts, I guess I'll regret this one after a while. But, I did spend a little time here so I'll post this one. Appreciated if someone with an education could throw in some more tips or correct factual errors.

 

[stoopid]

Try steroids, maybe it's getting better or worse but atleast you could try

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Stop blaming yourself for being human and having human desires.

You're not undesirable though as you recognize your emotional state right now is not conducive to a relationship right now.

I've seem your pictures and I know you're not fucking ugly. And I'm gay so perhaps I can say that with some authority.

If you automatically assume everything is a confirmation of your bias against yourself, then of course you're going to feel that way.

I wish I were asexual too. A lot of people probably do. But that's never going to happen and any attempts to force it to happen are just going to be a waste of energy.

Your mind is in a giant tangle right now and I think it can still be straightened out though so know it doesn't feel that way...

 

[Sparr0w]

just wanna throw in here that being aromantic/asexual has its own cons - some, but not all, aroace people still desire sex/live, they're just... not attracted to anyone.
i wanna be someone's number 1, but i don't care to try and fake a relationship, and if i got into a qpr (queer platonic relationship, aka like friendship and romance but in green) with a non-aromantic person i'd be worried they'd leave me for a romantic partner, so my daydream involves another aromantic person near me liking me enough to start a qpr... aka getting a gf with 6000 extra steps.
i'm not too caught up on it, thankfully, but it still hurts to see your friends and siblings find a kind of love ypu know you'll never feel.

not to derail this post too much, being unable to find love must suck fucking ass - i'd reccomend making female friends and then trying to find a partner, but there's no guarantee that'd work. hearing people say "oh it's not your appearance! it's just your pErSoNaLiTy" and all the other shit people come up with to try and blame you isn't something i'd wish on anyone. i hope you find happiness/peace, whether that comes in the form of finding love, finding a way to be happy on your own, or through ctbing.