Venting Hate myself. Plain and simple.

[TheRottingContinues]

I just don't like the way that I am. I'm lazy, egotistic, and can never do anything right. I'm a hypocrite, always telling people to do things that I wouldn't do myself. I hold personal values/morals, but I always break them and try to find loopholes around them. I can never commit to one certain thing, and thus, I've never been good at anything. I'm always to lazy to do anything for myself because I believe that I don't deserve it. I always think and say things that are terrible to other people without even realizing it. It feels like everything that I do is objectively wrong. I try to think that I'm a good person when in reality I'm not even close. All of these things are just so "bad" (for lack of a more fitting word). I feel so "bad" about the "bad" things that I do. And sometimes I tell myself that its not "bad" to be who I am, when in reality, I could be so much better, but I'm just not doing it because I'm lazy.... which is, in turn, "bad."

 

[Harrow]

I feel like this all the time, and I feel for you.
However, I don't really think "laziness" as society defines it, is actually real or a moral failing. I think what people define as laziness, is actually just avoidance. You may just be avoiding doing things because you have very low self-esteem, and possibly depression, and you don't even THINK accomplishing things is possible so you don't try to. You focus on things you do wrong, so you think everything you do is wrong. In reality, you don't owe the world anything, you don't have to do great things, you can just be. My main advice would be to change your idea of what laziness is, and think less about how lazy you are, and in turn you will be less "lazy" and cause yourself less suffering. Way easier said than done, of course.
Keep in mind that I'm being super hypocritical right now, and I talk to myself in the exact same way you do lol. But these are a few thoughts that sometimes bring me ease, and I hope they may bring you some ease as well. I don't know you, but I don't think you are actually lazy, if that's any consolation.
And unless you are always actively trying to harm others, you also aren't a bad person. You can only do your best, and you can't control how other people will respond.
I wish you the best.

 

[JustSomeRandomLoser]

I can relate. Feeling like a horrible person for something I had said, it's kind of crazy how your words mirror mine almost perfectly.

Wishing you the best