Hate being so scared

[shadow_sunset]

I am so jealous of the people that actually have the guts to do it. I've wanted to for as long as I can remember and I still don't know why I am so scared to. I wish there was just a pill I could take and just fade away forever.

 

[Jadeith]

Fear is one of the most natural responses your body can give. Suicide is a decision, a calculation of sorts of pros and cons of staying versus eliminating oneself. If your fear keeps you here, it means that subconsciously you've made a calculation and result is that whatever shit is happening to you is not worse than death. Not yet at least.
It's not a reason to feel ashamed or guilty.

 

[shadow_sunset]

Fear is one of the most natural responses your body can give. Suicide is a decision, a calculation of sorts of pros and cons of staying versus eliminating oneself. If your fear keeps you here, it means that subconsciously you've made a calculation and result is that whatever shit is happening to you is not worse than death. Not yet at least.
It's not a reason to feel ashamed or guilty.

No it's because literally and logically suicide is the best choice for me, it's just this stupid survival instinct I can't get rid of

 

[Jadeith]

And survival instinct tells you that it is not so literally and not so best as you want to believe. Everyone fears death, maybe except selected few who drugged themselves, got heavily drunk or have some specific brain damage. Yet, thousands upon thousands each year off themselves, reaching point where their problems over weigh fear of death.
Look, i know you are in a shitty place rn and you want out, otherwise we wouldn't be talking here. All i'm saying - trust your gut. Your body tells you "not now, not yet". And that's fine.

 

[shadow_sunset]

And survival instinct tells you that it is not so literally and not so best as you want to believe. Everyone fears death, maybe except selected few who drugged themselves, got heavily drunk or have some specific brain damage. Yet, thousands upon thousands each year off themselves, reaching point where their problems over weigh fear of death.
Look, i know you are in a shitty place rn and you want out, otherwise we wouldn't be talking here. All i'm saying - trust your gut. Your body tells you "not now, not yet". And that's fine.

Well I guess if you put it that way, I could see that. I mean I'll trust it. It's just that whole like always in the back of my mind thing all day everyday is taking over a lot more recently. Also if I may be so bold, like you said if I wasn't here I obviously wouldn't be wanting to just be gone, I don't want to sound mean but you honestly sound like you got your shi together so I'm wondering what you're doing here? In the off chance of sounding silly you sound very like idk the word "bougie" it's a compliment honestly but I guess since it's anonymous in here I'm more bold than I'd be otherwise

 

[Terrible_Life]

And survival instinct tells you that it is not so literally and not so best as you want to believe. Everyone fears death, maybe except selected few who drugged themselves, got heavily drunk or have some specific brain damage. Yet, thousands upon thousands each year off themselves, reaching point where their problems over weigh fear of death.
Look, i know you are in a shitty place rn and you want out, otherwise we wouldn't be talking here. All i'm saying - trust your gut. Your body tells you "not now, not yet". And that's fine.

And what if a person did research every alternative to suicide and the person came to the conclusion that he don't want any other option he just wants to end his life? For example a person comes to the point where he just only suffers all the time and he knows if he doesn't ctb he need to seek help he needs therapy etc but the person is against this because he knows it won't help it won't heal him to the point where he can live a life he wished to have. So the person knows its either continue this miserable life or suicide but still he has si. What is that then? I don't think for this person one could say well not now not yet because the more he prolongs the innevatible suicide the more he suffers day after day after day after day…

 

[shadow_sunset]

And what if a person did research every alternative to suicide and the person came to the conclusion that he don't want any other option he just wants to end his life? For example a person comes to the point where he just only suffers all the time and he knows if he doesn't ctb he need to seek help he needs therapy etc but the person is against this because he knows it won't help it won't heal him to the point where he can live a life he wished to have. So the person knows its either continue this miserable life or suicide but still he has si. What is that then? I don't think for this person one could say well not now not yet because the more he prolongs the innevatible suicide the more he suffers day after day after day after day…

Yeah I felt this one a little too close

 

[Jadeith]

And what if

Well, everything stated above is just my opinion and i do not claim to have correct answer for every situation. And my opinion is that you got a scale in your hands. On one side of the scale is your problems, pain, suffering, loneliness, chronic disease, you name it, everything you want to end and can't find a way to end it by any other means than dying. On the other side - your responsibilities like pets you own or children you might have, parents/friends that will suffer due to your demise, possible chances to get better AND of course innate fear of death. Now, it is your personal decision and yours alone to decide which side is heavier. If fear of death could trump everything on the other side, suicide as a phenomenon would be non-existent because no matter what kind of shit life throws at you, you'd fear death more. And for roughly 720000 people each year that is not the case.

I'm wondering what you're doing here?

Why, of course, i don't mind you asking and quenching your curiosity. I'm here because i deeply hate myself. My looks, my voice, my reactions, behavior in certain situations etc. Also, some things happened in my past that i claim responsibility for and cannot find a way to neither forget nor forgive myself. On top of that i do not want to live the end of my days as a burden, either with broken mind, not recognizing my surroundings, completely lost in time and space or with broken body, fully aware but with diaper on my ass, drooling uncontrollably. That's the one side of my scale. On the other side are my parents - great people who do not deserve to bury their child and will require my support as they age. I also do have offspring and i must see it reach stability and independence. That's the other side. And i came here for advice - since i like to be prepared, i've made myself an euthanasia device based on exit bag design and wanted to get some "untainted by prolifers" opinion on it. Also, while i'm here, i try to earn my stay by supporting others whether they need a virtual hug, and advice on specific method or just another point of view on their situation.