Has quarantine made anyone else more suicidal

[Alejandro17]

I've been suicidal on and off for decades. Before this COVID B.S., I was actually the happiest I'd been in my life. The week before our Lockdown started I took a trip. When I got off the plane it was like stepping into the Twilight Zone. Everything was different. It freaked me out. I was cut off from everything that made life worth living (none of which has returned to normal). The last straw was losing my job about two months ago.

Now I'm just waiting for the courage to ctb. I'm not sure what in the world I'm waiting for!?I

How do we PM?

 

[Samsara]

During the first month or so I relished the break it gave me, but since then my depression is pretty much worse than ever since things that would normally help my depression (distracting myself with work, lifting weights, etc) are now inaccessible.

 

[Belgiumdude]

I wouldn't say it's quarantine that's made me suicidal, but it sure hasn't helped...

 

[xBrialesana]

Tbh it's made me more even keeled, I've just been observing the chaos. Covid messed up my ctb date in March (I'm clean from covid! just everything else, timing) so I'm just floating with everything ready to go on the day I need. I'm just casually observing the world knowing my life will be non-existent and with the state of things, shits wild lol. I definitely wasn't supposed to make to my June 16 birthday. Shits crazy man

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

It's definitely made me more suicidal the last month

 

[Brick In The Wall]

The quarantine and covid itself hasn't. But it destabilized me financially which has added tremendously to my problems.

This whole "new normal" stuff is sketchy as hell too. I hated the old normal so I dunno if I really want to continue in this "new normal."

 

[Claudia]

I'm new but want to reply to this. No I actually felt safe during lockdown. I actually felt sort of happy even. I was in a bubble.. basically spent most of the time in my bedroom, eating, drinking, drawing, taking lonely walks in the countryside. I didn't have to deal with people or life or the world. Now the world is beginning to seep in again that's when I start to remember my problems and feel suicidal again.

 

[Trapped123]

I'm new but want to reply to this. No I actually felt safe during lockdown. I actually felt sort of happy even. I was in a bubble.. basically spent most of the time in my bedroom, eating, drinking, drawing, taking lonely walks in the countryside. I didn't have to deal with people or life or the world. Now the world is beginning to seep in again that's when I start to remember my problems and feel suicidal again.

The same here. I was feeling more stable during lockdown. But now I have made the decision that it must be over soon.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

oh yesss definitely. At least not LESS suicidal. Ever watched "shining"? The old timers called it cabin fever...

Actually if you live in eastern Canada everyone calls it 'cabin fever'.

 

[Katalyst]

It honestly made me less suicidal, as I'm free to do art and stuff i enjoy, without pressure and a time limit. Now the thought of everything returning to normality makes very depressed, anxious and suicidal.

 

[kappa]

I think it's about the same for me- but my social anxiety skyrocketed from not going anywhere besides the grocery store- not talking to anyone probably didn't help that either.

 

[ActualLesbian]

Absolutely. My gf is my only support and she is too scared to see me because she's afraid I'm sick and unsymptomatic. Now I'm just stuck with my family who criticizes everything I do. I feel bad knowing so many people are in similar situations.

 

[Final Escape]

Before all this I was periodically toying with the idea of suicide. Since lockdown I've really cemented my desire and plans

This is me too. I was half serious before but now I have no choice.

 

[Living sucks]

How do we PM?

You need 5 posts ... post 2 more times anywhere.

 

[FusRohDracarys]

It did up until this month or mid last month, I guess. As of late, I've embraced the mentality of enjoying watching the world burn. But at one point I had a rope set up in my closet and had everything ready to go. Couldn't go through with it because my partner was guilt tripping me hardcore and I was worried what would happen to my pets after I passed.

But to be honest, the fact that everyone is starting to call out this bullshit does make me feel slightly better. I was calling it in like the first week and no one took me seriously. Burned a few bridges on that one, but whatever. As far as I'm concerned, they're now getting what they deserve so... I'll eat popcorn and watch the fireworks.

And yeah, I also really hate those stupid feel good messages: alone together, safe at home, blah blah. It really just makes me wish I could create corona mist bombs and distribute them. Whatever you want me to do, I assure you, that's the quickest way to get me to do the opposite.

What stopped me from CTB'ing was, wait for it... joining a radical right-wing group on social media. (My state is overwhelmingly liberal, otherwise it wouldn't have such a strict quarantine.) They liked my satirical, dark-humored anti-government posts on their group page, and invited me to their illegally-hosted party. I had a blast at the party, and became good friends with them, which I totally didn't expect. I've been seeing them once every few weeks ever since: we took a road trip to the next state once, and had a backyard barbecue at one person's house. In other words, I got my social life back, albeit with different people than before. It felt so good to be in the company of my fellow conservatives, that I don't want to CTB anymore.

Oi man, this is basically my situation- liberal strict quarantine. That sounds dope! I've been longing for something similar to replace my social life, but I'm not on social media so it's been hard to even figure out when the freaking protests around here are. Kudos to you!

The folks making these lockdown calls really don't seem to understand how important that human connection is. I saw an article advising single people who live alone and are starving for contact to hug a pillow. A fucking pillow.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

Oi man, this is basically my situation- liberal strict quarantine. That sounds dope! I've been longing for something similar to replace my social life, but I'm not on social media so it's been hard to even figure out when the freaking protests around here are. Kudos to you!

The folks making these lockdown calls really don't seem to understand how important that human connection is. I saw an article advising single people who live alone and are starving for contact to hug a pillow. A fucking pillow.

Your post makes grateful to have found my anti-quarantine group. I never went to their protests---I was afraid to. But I posted on their social media pages, and did a little bit of graphic design for their posters. They liked that enough to invite me to their party. It was "dope" indeed: food, music, dancing, fellow conservatives, etc. It seemed like everyone there was starved for touch, at least the singles. People were hugging an awful lot; it'd be funny if it weren't something our governor forced on us. I spent the next day in a daze; good thing I had my mask on, to keep people from seeing me smiling like a crazy person.

Not only did that party save my life, it inspired me to drive to the adjacent state a week later, to get a haircut, eat a restaurant meal, and run in a park, all of which were shut down in my state at the time. (They reopened since then.) If I hadn't gone to that party, I'd be buying SN now, if not already on the bus. Social distancing is easing up in most states, and even many liberals are socializing again. So getting your social life back is easier today than it was in April, when I joined this site to learn to CTB.

What's interesting is that my liberal old friends want to socialize again, after 3 months of "social distancing". And I find myself turning down their invites at times, because I had already made plans with my conservative new friends. I do try my best to balance the two, because "meet new friends, but keep the old".

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

The folks making these lockdown calls really don't seem to understand how important that human connection is. I saw an article advising single people who live alone and are starving for contact to hug a pillow. A fucking pillow.

Something else I want to add. This is basically a "let them eat cake" scenario. The politicians who created the lockdowns don't care how they affect the general population, and the depression, and anxiety, and despair they create, because none of it affects them. They still get to hug their friends. They still get to have in-person conferences with fellow politicians and corporate CEO's. They still get to have haircuts and nail care. They still get to eat catered meals, which is like the dine-in restaurants they took away from us. Some even openly admit it. The group I joined believes that the psychological damage the lockdowns created was deliberate and calculated.

Of course, we know what happened to the last person who said "let them eat cake".

 

[TotallyIsolated]

Very much so, yes. I was starting to get better but I'm right back down again now. I guess I'm lucky to still have a job but living alone and being stuck in lockdown is torture.

 

[AlreadyGone]

No. It has just granted me more time to research and put my plan into action.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

 

[FusRohDracarys]

Something else I want to add. This is basically a "let them eat cake" scenario. The politicians who created the lockdowns don't care how they affect the general population, and the depression, and anxiety, and despair they create, because none of it affects them. They still get to hug their friends. They still get to have in-person conferences with fellow politicians and corporate CEO's. They still get to have haircuts and nail care. They still get to eat catered meals, which is like the dine-in restaurants they took away from us. Some even openly admit it. The group I joined believes that the psychological damage the lockdowns created was deliberate and calculated.

Of course, we know what happened to the last person who said "let them eat cake".

Ha, I think I remember screeching something along those lines after Andrew Cuomo gave his little "not death" tirade in regards to people wanting to go back to work because they can't afford their expenses anymore or are in abusive situations. It astounds me how his approval ratings haven't tanked. He sounds like an idiot every time he opens his mouth. One can only hope he'll be made eat his own cake, him and the others, too.

But I'm inclined to agree about the calculated damage. Come November, all this just goes away.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Something else I want to add. This is basically a "let them eat cake" scenario. The politicians who created the lockdowns don't care how they affect the general population, and the depression, and anxiety, and despair they create, because none of it affects them. They still get to hug their friends. They still get to have in-person conferences with fellow politicians and corporate CEO's. They still get to have haircuts and nail care. They still get to eat catered meals, which is like the dine-in restaurants they took away from us. Some even openly admit it. The group I joined believes that the psychological damage the lockdowns created was deliberate and calculated.

Of course, we know what happened to the last person who said "let them eat cake".

Oooo,,,don't Boris Johnson that. He was hospitalized for quite some tome, and he looked very weak and shaken during convalesence.

 

[I screwed up]

Not more , like earlier the desire to ctb comes in waves .. But in general the feeling is the same , but I must say in a weird way I am enjoying the society / economy crash and suffer ... Sorry I am a bad person but I like it when I read about the havoc this pandemic has cause in my country. I am a bitter suicidal person...