Has postponing ctb actually improved lives?

[blooming]

Not at all for me, if anything delaying it has made things worse for me and more clear. I'm currently trying to find a job so I can continue saving money to start up my CTB plans.

 

[seppuku joe]

Got a dead end job, keeps my mind and body occupied, I can at least have some money to buy cheap things I want, more importantly, ctb stuff. It wasn't much of an improvement, really. Still locked out of my old life. People refuse to acknowledge me, I think deep in their guts, they just hate being around me. More alone than ever, old close friends are distant, even close family is becoming distant. Some time ago, I decided to post less on social media, so people would forget about me. I think I was lying to myself when I hope they'd notice, but it worked beautifully. No one talks to me.

I wish I had done it 8-7 years ago when I still had some dignity. Every day I get more and more dissociated with my life, I feel like a fly on the wall whenever I'm with others, a distant observer, not even removing inhibitions with booze help, I still can't connect with others. I think I'm truly emotionally dead inside. Yesterday, I woke up and felt no emotion whatsoever for the first time, so I think the social isolation is working for me, that's why I'm back here. When I read some of the posts here, I'm still scared, but it's my reality now. I'm less and less scared every day, the more I think about it. Maybe I'd do it this year, maybe next year. But it's definitely still gonna happen. It's just about the only power I have.

 

[elenaboo25]

My life has improved in the material sense. I now have a job and a roof over my head, both things I did not have at times. But I still want to ctb and I regret not having done it sooner, when I was younger and cared less about the consequences of my actions and the pain I am inflicting on others.