Has anyone succeeded in overcoming acute yet chronic suicidality?

[sandi]

Hi there! I wonder if anyone here has managed to overcome chronic suicidality. I am 24 and have spent my entire life trying out various treatments, especially pharmacological ones, and I am still unable to find relief. Has anyone on you found the light at the end of the tunnel?

 

[rs929]

Have you tried Lithium? Its supposed to help with CTB thoughts specifically.
I think most of us here havent found something that drastically improved our life. Its a sample bias. Personally when I had relief from depression I didnt want to come back to this place anymore

 

[Izzythebelle]

I've had success with a combination of Lamictal and Wellbutrin, but I wasn't able to be on them long enough to know how they work long term. While they worked though, I felt the best I'd ever felt.

 

[grapevoid]

Hi there! I wonder if anyone here has managed to overcome chronic suicidality. I am 24 and have spent my entire life trying out various treatments, especially pharmacological ones, and I am still unable to find relief. Has anyone on you found the light at the end of the tunnel?

I'm going to be very honest here but please don't take this as a deterrent to your journey to recovery.

I have had chronic suicidal ideation most my life. I've never been able to get rid of it. Over the years I have done pretty much every kind of treatment you can think of. I have at different phases of my life been relatively happy, managed anxiety and depression symptoms very well yet have never been able to get rid of my suicidal ideation.

When I'm able to manage the other things, I'm better able to see my suicidal ideation as a thought not worth acknowledging and move past it quickly but the thought process has never left me, it's only less intrusive at times.
Ps. I am in my mid 30s now
My best advice, based on times in my life when I was happily living, is to focus on learning to acknowledge it and immediately push it out. In time you will train yourself to see it as just another thought that isn't important. But if it stays it'll still be intensified by stress and big events in your life.

 

[oneeyed]

If you think you've exhausted all pharmaceutical options, there's psilocybin. (magic mushrooms) You have to be careful though as you can get a "bad trip" and end up feeling pretty crappy. So best to do it with someone experienced, a setting that you find relaxing, and not be on any other meds such as ssri or snri as it'll disrupt it completely block the affects. If you have a history of schizophrenia do not try it at all, it can make things worse, or so I've read.

 

[grapevoid]

If you think you've exhausted all pharmaceutical options, there's psilocybin. (magic mushrooms) You have to be careful though as you can get a "bad trip" and end up feeling pretty crappy. So best to do it with someone experienced, a setting that you find relaxing, and not be on any other meds such as ssri or snri as it'll disrupt it completely block the affects. If you have a history of schizophrenia do not try it at all, it can make things worse, or so I've read.

And bipolar disorder. Do not try psychedelics without a professional if you have bpd or schizophrenia. BPD in studies has a 50/50 chance of being triggered into mania by psychedelics.

 

[56842]

My body's natural response is to just dissociate, but often that just makes me feel out of pace and lonely. For now I'm trying to focus on things that I can envision in the future to solidify the concept of a future, no matter how minor or even negative. My current ones: my sister's engagement in the summer (not a happy one bc of the expected family social expectations but one that I must be present for no matter the cost), wanting to watch the snow fall while laying down on the grass (a year out), and possibly seeing myself after letting my hair grow out (this one I'm still working on bc it would take a couple years). Short term, ketamine and ect nixed suicidality pretty effectively for a while, and gratitude journaling helps me a lot too when I can keep it up (I call mine "the diary of good things" and it's mostly just things like: I sang along to the radio in the car or I watched cunk on life and laughed, but it works). Next I want to try to make myself a controlled social environment for dopamine creation and cortisol management (volunteering maybe). pharmacological interventions haven't been as effective for me either, hope you find some positives

 

[death_by_life]

My body's natural response is to just dissociate, but often that just makes me feel out of pace and lonely. For now I'm trying to focus on things that I can envision in the future to solidify the concept of a future, no matter how minor or even negative. My current ones: my sister's engagement in the summer (not a happy one bc of the expected family social expectations but one that I must be present for no matter the cost), wanting to watch the snow fall while laying down on the grass (a year out), and possibly seeing myself after letting my hair grow out (this one I'm still working on bc it would take a couple years). Short term, ketamine and ect nixed suicidality pretty effectively for a while, and gratitude journaling helps me a lot too when I can keep it up (I call mine "the diary of good things" and it's mostly just things like: I sang along to the radio in the car or I watched cunk on life and laughed, but it works). Next I want to try to make myself a controlled social environment for dopamine creation and cortisol management (volunteering maybe). pharmacological interventions haven't been as effective for me either, hope you find some positives

These are all really good ideas, actually. Ketamine probably isn't accessible for me, but I'm curious about the "controlled social environment for dopamine creation and cortisol management" - that feels like it could help with a few things. And yeah, I would guess that pharmaceutical interventions haven't worked for most of the folks here, which is unfortunate. For myself at least, it makes me feel even more like I shouldn't be here because the thing that's supposed to work all the time for everyone doesn't work for me, so it must be wrong for me to be here. Unfortunately I don't have any good advice for this (I'm asking the same question), but I have animals and that's why I'm still here. I'm really glad this question was asked though - I thought I was rather alone in wanting to ctb even though my life isn't horrible right now.

 

[56842]

These are all really good ideas, actually. Ketamine probably isn't accessible for me, but I'm curious about the "controlled social environment for dopamine creation and cortisol management" - that feels like it could help with a few things. And yeah, I would guess that pharmaceutical interventions haven't worked for most of the folks here, which is unfortunate. For myself at least, it makes me feel even more like I shouldn't be here because the thing that's supposed to work all the time for everyone doesn't work for me, so it must be wrong for me to be here. Unfortunately I don't have any good advice for this (I'm asking the same question), but I have animals and that's why I'm still here. I'm really glad this question was asked though - I thought I was rather alone in wanting to ctb even though my life isn't horrible right now.

The social environment experiment is just an idea as of yet, but I'm thinking volunteering a few hours a week in a youth centre or a library or any other field of interest of mine which would let me control a lot of variables (limit stress) while also giving me an outlet to socialize in an environment i enjoy and am comfortable in. That's the hope at least

 

[rottenandabused]

I believe that this year I'm starting my truest recovery track so far. I have to say that to achieve it, I became more verbal about my feelings even if it makes people uncomfortable. My family is a good support system, and I've had to break relationships that were making me feel worse mentally. I'm also starting more creative projects because I realized that inactivity (with no reason to rest) makes me depressed.
I'm not entirely sure if my medication, lamotrigin and sertraline, has any effect on this.

 

[vitbar]

Since I found the right combination of medications things have been a lot better. Not completely overcome the thoughts as they are a habit, but they are infrequent and less charged.

 

[Manaaja]

I believe that this year I'm starting my truest recovery track so far. I have to say that to achieve it, I became more verbal about my feelings even if it makes people uncomfortable. My family is a good support system, and I've had to break relationships that were making me feel worse mentally. I'm also starting more creative projects because I realized that inactivity (with no reason to rest) makes me depressed.
I'm not entirely sure if my medication, lamotrigin and sertraline, has any effect on this.

A Shadow Tarantula? Now I've seen everything, except for two STs.

To answer 0P, I'm no longer suicidal, haven't been in a long time. I'm not depressed either.

 

[SnakeTeam93]

I'm going to be very honest here but please don't take this as a deterrent to your journey to recovery.

I have had chronic suicidal ideation most my life. I've never been able to get rid of it. Over the years I have done pretty much every kind of treatment you can think of. I have at different phases of my life been relatively happy, managed anxiety and depression symptoms very well yet have never been able to get rid of my suicidal ideation.

When I'm able to manage the other things, I'm better able to see my suicidal ideation as a thought not worth acknowledging and move past it quickly but the thought process has never left me, it's only less intrusive at times.
Ps. I am in my mid 30s now
My best advice, based on times in my life when I was happily living, is to focus on learning to acknowledge it and immediately push it out. In time you will train yourself to see it as just another thought that isn't important. But if it stays it'll still be intensified by stress and big events in your life.

I actually feel and think the same way so I'm happy to see others like me

 

[quietbird]

My body's natural response is to just dissociate, but often that just makes me feel out of pace and lonely. For now I'm trying to focus on things that I can envision in the future to solidify the concept of a future, no matter how minor or even negative. My current ones: my sister's engagement in the summer (not a happy one bc of the expected family social expectations but one that I must be present for no matter the cost), wanting to watch the snow fall while laying down on the grass (a year out), and possibly seeing myself after letting my hair grow out (this one I'm still working on bc it would take a couple years). Short term, ketamine and ect nixed suicidality pretty effectively for a while, and gratitude journaling helps me a lot too when I can keep it up (I call mine "the diary of good things" and it's mostly just things like: I sang along to the radio in the car or I watched cunk on life and laughed, but it works). Next I want to try to make myself a controlled social environment for dopamine creation and cortisol management (volunteering maybe). pharmacological interventions haven't been as effective for me either, hope you find some positives

Your reply here was really helpful for me and gave me some ideas/new ways to reframe older ideas. Thank you

 

[ignorableaurochs]

to be frank, no, despite *lots* of treatment.

but…I will say that shrooms reduced my ideation much more than I expected (I just tried out of curiosity, not expecting a mental health effect). but it was not a complete effect, nor has it lasted more than a few months. I think this is congruent with some studies on its use for depression - a short term boost. maybe combined with therapy it would be more effective.

obviously, this is also a risky thing to try and is generally illegal, so take this as me sharing my experience rather than directly endorsing it. I did this despite my history of psychosis which probably was not wise, but I was (am?) unwell enough that I felt I had nothing to lose. it was the only thing that has had a measurable impact.