I am extremely sucidial still.
I feel like packing my bags, buying a rail ticket and moving far away to a town/city in which no one knows who i am.
Has anyone one just left everything and everyone behind . I went far away
I did this so many times when I was your age, I can't count them all.
One time I went as far away as Alaska, and ended up homeless, sleeping in a van by the ocean. I often thought of drowning myself in that black water, but there were good times, too. I made a lot of friends who were as fucked up in the head as I was. It was hard, but I did it. It made me stronger.
Another time I moved across the country to be with a girl who I found out after I moved there didn't want me anymore. I became suicidal again, and would get drunk at bars and try to start fights. I eventually got a good job, made some very good friends, and even had several girlfriends there. It ended up being the happiest time of my life. Of course I eventually sabotaged it all, because that's what I do. But it gave me confidence. I
can start a new life, I
can get the girl.
Go do it. Do it now, while you're young and invincible. That's how you learn who you are. That's what life is for. Be smart, and you'll be okay.