CoolGuy9
Mage
- Mar 5, 2019
- 524
I was wondering how that made you feel. Sorry if this is a dumb question.
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snxw
lets pretend we're numb
- Apr 7, 2020
- 43
My uncle. He hung himself when I was 18 so 2018. He was the only person I had in life that cared and was kind to me so it hit me pretty hard.
CoolGuy9
Mage
- Mar 5, 2019
- 524
I'm sorry to hear that. Did that make you want to ctb more, because of the pain or less, because of the pain you'd cause to others?
snxw
lets pretend we're numb
- Apr 7, 2020
- 43
Made me want to ctb more because it was when I became truly alone.
CoolGuy9
Mage
- Mar 5, 2019
- 524
I'm sorry to hear that. From what you said, it sounds like he was a good man with some mental health problems.
My best friend, 2 years ago.
and my SO did 1 year ago.
and my SO did 1 year ago.
stevieu
~ Sleepwalking through every day ~
- Feb 10, 2020
- 147
A very close friend who died at the age of 17. I was 19 at the time.
I had attempted suicide when I was 18, but his circumstances were very different to mine. My biggest regret was feeling like I hadn't been a proper friend to him throughout the time I knew him, but I've realised that my depression was leeching me of all my abilities to be.
Either way, it's still so very sad.
I had attempted suicide when I was 18, but his circumstances were very different to mine. My biggest regret was feeling like I hadn't been a proper friend to him throughout the time I knew him, but I've realised that my depression was leeching me of all my abilities to be.
Either way, it's still so very sad.
CoolGuy9
Mage
- Mar 5, 2019
- 524
How did that affect you mentally? Did it make you feel regret or something else? Also how did that influence your ctb thoughts?
How bad was the regret feeling and how did it influence your ctb thoughts?
Yes my dad. He killed himself when i was 14, funny that i didn't care that he died. It was like i didn't have a dad, but he was always home, he just spent time with me so few times in my life. Grandma said when i was 2 or 3 he was drunk and karate chopped me on the neck, i don't know maybe that was traumatic for me. I don't want to ctb more or less because of him. Probably because of neglect i grew up suicidal, i remember i told parents that i hope i finally die when i was 10. Even before that after arguing with mom i remeber i laid on the bed and thought i hope a snake bites me and i die, i was 7 then. Depression speedrun 100% glitchless huh haha. I sidetracked i hope its not too long
CoolGuy9
Mage
- Mar 5, 2019
- 524
Reading about people who have been depressed since they were children makes me feel lucky since I had a really good childhood. Just the idea of being suicidally depressed as a child is just god damn. That's cruel. At least your speedrun went pretty great.
Versailles
Enlightened
- Oct 1, 2020
- 1,647
My girlfriend with whom I shared 4 years of my life, after that I did not return to who I was before and I fell into a strong depression.
My dad shot himself in the head in 2020. Yes everything changed, I'm so alone. It makes me think if he did it then it must be ok for me.
snxw
lets pretend we're numb
- Apr 7, 2020
- 43
He was an amazing man so kind and funny. I remember my 18th bday i was in my room feeling like shit not wanting to come out. He came up and cheered me up and got me to come down the stairs, it was the best bday I've had in my teens. He just made me laugh the whole night. And then on the October that year he was gone.
CoolGuy9
Mage
- Mar 5, 2019
- 524
Reading all these replies makes me wish people could find another solution rather than ctb. I asked, because I may ctb soon and I have been wondering how I will affect others around me.
Alwaysbadtime
Enlightened
- Jun 28, 2021
- 1,158
My older cousin did it in 2019. I understand why he did it. He was a nice guy. I look through old emails with him and see how fucked I have been for so long.
A friend of mine, a couple close co-workers commited suicide, I had a family member die under assisted suicide due to having a terminal ilness
My childhood was good too, i wasn't depressed back then, children just don't say suicidal things like this i think. It was a hint that I'm gonna be depressed as an adult
Yes. I don't want to give details (don't wanna compromise my anonymity...it's unusual enough that if someone I know came across this forum they might recognize me from said details), but suffice it to say that it has fucked me up.
ixkitty
Let me be Selfish, just this once.
- Aug 15, 2020
- 362
My partner in crime did. He promised me long ago that he wouldn't leave me alone and we'd consider going together but he left me and now I'm en route to follow him.
Myforevercharlie
Illuminated
- Feb 13, 2020
- 3,234
My brother ( suicide by cop)
And my friend (SN)
And my friend (SN)
My uncle. He shot himself. I think in his eyes, he was in too deep of a hole financially, romantically and family wise too. He was very responsible and considerate about it too. He made sure his dogs were taken care of and he spread plastic over the bed before committing.
there are a lot of times where I find myself wishing he was around so I could ask him how he made it in life. But I guess the answer to that was he didn't. I wish he didn't do what he did, but I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same in his situation. I hope he found peace and is reunited with his fur babies :)
there are a lot of times where I find myself wishing he was around so I could ask him how he made it in life. But I guess the answer to that was he didn't. I wish he didn't do what he did, but I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same in his situation. I hope he found peace and is reunited with his fur babies :)
hlynn95
Anxious Loner
- Oct 2, 2021
- 44
Howd he do suicide by cop ?! He got a cop to shot him? I always find those stories so interesting cuz cops are trained in this and will usually use a taser instead of having to shoot them!
Myforevercharlie
Illuminated
- Feb 13, 2020
- 3,234
oziinnz
Member
- Mar 23, 2022
- 54
My sister ctb end of last year.
It has destroyed me. You are never the same again. My life is ruined. I hate to think about my sister dead. The thought of never ever ever seeing her again not one more moment is the worst in the world. I've lost my dad, my uncle, my nam in my immediate family, by other death not suicide. Suicide is 1000 x worse to lose someone that way. The regret and self blame never ever ends. The wishing never ends but the wishes are empty. I can't live with her being dead, dead by suicide and can't live with all I didn't say or do. Can't even say we didn't know as she had recent attempts.
I will ctb soon as I get my n.
It has destroyed me. You are never the same again. My life is ruined. I hate to think about my sister dead. The thought of never ever ever seeing her again not one more moment is the worst in the world. I've lost my dad, my uncle, my nam in my immediate family, by other death not suicide. Suicide is 1000 x worse to lose someone that way. The regret and self blame never ever ends. The wishing never ends but the wishes are empty. I can't live with her being dead, dead by suicide and can't live with all I didn't say or do. Can't even say we didn't know as she had recent attempts.
I will ctb soon as I get my n.
BrokenBliss
Invisible. Apparently.
- Jan 11, 2022
- 522
I've lost so many of my high school friends to suicide, I've lost track of how many. They were all in my (graduating) class, too.
lostmylove
Specialist
- Apr 1, 2022
- 304
This hit me hard. Me all over
I know it sounds silly, but maybe people could consider trying hallucinogenics first? For people with mental illness, trauma and regret, it could really offer another perspective on life? I mean, if people are already set on ctb, what is there to lose giving it one last go first?
My own mother threatened me to it multiple times. Once she even tried, she later told me. Thank god she is still alive today. Otherwise I wouldn't be either.
The mother of my best friend hang herself last summer. Was pretty disturbing for all that were close to her. My best friend and the rest of his family is still suffering to this date. And this will most probably continue for a long time.
The mother of my best friend hang herself last summer. Was pretty disturbing for all that were close to her. My best friend and the rest of his family is still suffering to this date. And this will most probably continue for a long time.
No_Longer_Human
I'm coping I swear :)
- Sep 9, 2021
- 4
My father when I was a small child
My twin brother last year. Continuing to live with that reality and the trauma of finding him and everything surrounding it has such a grip on my life. The frequent panic attacks are hell. Trying to recover and live my life after that is so hard, but something about it also made me want to survive more... To not re-traumatize my family.
My twin brother last year. Continuing to live with that reality and the trauma of finding him and everything surrounding it has such a grip on my life. The frequent panic attacks are hell. Trying to recover and live my life after that is so hard, but something about it also made me want to survive more... To not re-traumatize my family.
