Story Has anyone had a sign in their life that they should leave this world, as a hint that nothing will go in the right direction in the rest of their live

[plastic]

My childhood was a wonderful fairy tale. I was a very talented and extremely intelligent child whose visions of the future promised that I would achieve great things in life. However, in the 5th year there was a moment when I realized that my life would not go in the right direction no matter how hard I tried. A friend of my parents came to visit my parents and brought me gifts. These gifts were in a white plastic bag that had a strong plastic smell that bewitched me. It contained my favorite sweets. I took out the entire contents of the bag and smelled the bag, then put it over my head and started suffocating. I soon realized that it was dangerous and took the bag off my head. I gasped for air, but I felt the desire to put the bag over my head again, not only because of desire, but as if something was calling me to do it this time to the end. I was a conscious enough child to know if I did that I would die, so I just kept playing with the bag, taking it off my head when the panicked started. That's when I realized that not only old people die, but that death is a part of life and that it is within reach. After that event, it was like a fairy tale for a while, and then problems started in my life. Great talent and high intelligence gave me hope that I could overcome everything. The years went by, I mastered a lot of knowledge with ease, but all the time it somehow seemed to me that a part of me was not in this dimension of existence. Everything that I started to learn in my life, I became an expert in it, but I could not realize my knowledge in any way. During the implementation of anything, there were always big inexplicable complications that ended up failing. More precisely, my whole life has played out like a video game in demo mode. There were all the possibilities and great knowledge, but I couldn't implement it. The plastic bag never left me. It was always my only consolation to be able to escape from frustrations. The desire to suffocate with that always overwhelmed me after every failure in life. I realized a long time ago that the event from the 5th year did not happen by chance, but that it was a saving grace from what was to come. Worst of all, I know since then that I hope in vain for something positive to happen. I'm not afraid of death, what I yearn for it, because it will release the horror, but I've been putting it off for 47 years.

 

[Zegers]

I had an anxiety episode a few years ago which was basically like a vision that there was nothing for me here.

 

[Jasper]

When I was probably about 11, I nearly drowned in the ocean.

I heard a voice call to me, and I turned my back to the waves for but a second and i was swept under.
No one saw.
By the skin of my teeth, I fought my way out of the water and in a state of shock wandered back to shore, only to find my sibling, friends and parents, all blissfully unaware. Talking and laughing. I still avoid the ocean to this day.

I'm not religious, and I don't believe in any higher being, but I still firmly believe that I was meant to die that day, that the universe had decided my fate and was telling me to give up then and there. But for some reason, I just didn't. The world showed me what I had to fight for, and It was absolutely nothing. Not one person even cared, when I came back to shore. Shaking, sand in all the places it should not have been. I told them what happened, and they brushed it off.

I wish that my survival instinct didnt kick in, because everything I had going on, at school, at home - only got worse.

 

[Kerock]

After I choked myself with my dog's leash and started to stop loving and giving a shit about my mom, sister, and soon friends.

 

[FrostedHoax]

I was a pretty normal and happy child but then middle school started and then it all went downhill from there. Now here I am with no real friends, no real goals or motivations, never had a relationship, and just overall uninteresting and lacking in pretty much every department. I feel like this world never wanted me and it's been telling that to me through how everyone seems to not give a single care about me or even ever think about me and how barely anyone shows interest in me. I'm pretty sure the social ostracization is the world's way of telling me that I should leave this life prematurely.

 

[unnormal9]

Yeah, now, years ago, every day never ending.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Yes, seeing people be what I never could be.

 

[leftdreaming]

My first signs that I wasn't made for this world was in kindergarten when the other kids treated me differently. Doubt I thought of it that way at the time (not that I'd remember), but it was my first sign.

I understand what you mean, though. My first attempt was half-assed and uneducated. Swallowed 3 Aleve and thought I'd die lol, but I was surprised it was so easy. Believe me, I truly thought "this is it", but I just sat there and played solitaire on my iPad and fantasized about how I wouldn't have to fit in anymore and that everyone would suddenly love me for some reason once I was gone. As a fellow gifted kid, I saw it as a sort-of "I'll finally be perfect" scenario where I'd be ultimately faultless or something, but life hit hard and I'm not so gifted anymore. Now I have nothing that I once had and all the pain from before still lives within me.

 

[ayololly]

I'm so depressed I haven't been able to leave the house. It's frustrated me because I've wanted to go buy rope to hang myself but having mild panic attacks at home so I've not.
Today, whilst having a mild panic attack and looking for some socks to put on I found some rope in the bottom of my sock basket.
Does this count as a sign?

 

[FuneralCry]

My whole existence is just one big sign, I know that I've never been meant for existing, simply just being awake makes the thought of non-existence sound so incredibly appealing. I don't desire existence and don't wish to suffer at all, I only wish for permanent nothingness. Death is truly beautiful to me especially as existence is so futile and repulsive. And anyway my existence is just an empty and tedious process of slowly dying, I could never be delusional enough to see value in decaying from age just to inevitably cease existing anyway.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

yeah, i always notice that whenever my life is unbearably shit and i have the most negative thoughts and worst luck, everyone around me is suddenly doing amazing and getting really lucky and having great things happen to them. but as soon as i get a period of good days or something good happens to me, everyone around me suddenly has something bad happen to them. whenever ive told anyone about this they always say im just focusing on the positives because im in a negative mindset and vice versa, but its so painfully coincidental that these things happen exactly at the same times, i just know that its me influencing the fate of those around me (even tho i dont believe in fate, thats just the best way i can describe it). i think the first example of this was when my mum was pregnant with me, her mum died. before i was even conscious i was ruining other peoples lives. i honestly feel like i cant and shouldnt be happy because its unfair on the people i care about. if i were to die, that would be the ultimate "negative" thing to happen to me so everyone else could finally be happy. or maybe if i die it would break the curse for lack of a better term. but then i also worry that because i want to die so much, if i die then it would be a positive thing for me, so then everyone else would be in constant negativity. im stuck.

other than that, when i found out my dad never wanted to have children. that really made me realise i never should have existed in the first place.

 

[Kerrtu]

yeah, i always notice that whenever my life is unbearably shit and i have the most negative thoughts and worst luck, everyone around me is suddenly doing amazing and getting really lucky and having great things happen to them. but as soon as i get a period of good days or something good happens to me, everyone around me suddenly has something bad happen to them. whenever ive told anyone about this they always say im just focusing on the positives because im in a negative mindset and vice versa, but its so painfully coincidental that these things happen exactly at the same times, i just know that its me influencing the fate of those around me (even tho i dont believe in fate, thats just the best way i can describe it). i think the first example of this was when my mum was pregnant with me, her mum died. before i was even conscious i was ruining other peoples lives. i honestly feel like i cant and shouldnt be happy because its unfair on the people i care about. if i were to die, that would be the ultimate "negative" thing to happen to me so everyone else could finally be happy. or maybe if i die it would break the curse for lack of a better term. but then i also worry that because i want to die so much, if i die then it would be a positive thing for me, so then everyone else would be in constant negativity. im stuck.

other than that, when i found out my dad never wanted to have children. that really made me realise i never should have existed in the first place.

I relate to much of what you're saying. As the days go by, I increasingly feel my end will be the beginning of many good things for those around me (not that I have many around me, but still). I feel once I'm gone, some kind of curse will be lifted or something, which I realize may sound a bit strange to those on the outside of this relentless nightmare.

Maybe I've been gaslit so many times, it helps to believe my end will bring good. How much good, who knows?

 

[leavingsoon99]

I figure that if my life isn't at least somewhat what I wanted it to be by now, it'll never be that. Watching most guys just walk into what I seemingly have to fly into. That's what sobers me when I get that shot of "hope". Whenever I get the "maybe one more times" or "if I just try harders", I'm immediately brought back down by the reality that I'd be struggling for nothing. It's almost as if life just put me here to struggle for nothing. I refuse to live that way and be some cosmic asshole's whipping boy. I'm tired of giving my all, only to get ash in my mouth. This life has been so unwelcoming of me since the day I was born. Humans show me nothing but contempt. I'm sick of life and its fucked up, twisted creation.

I'm done.

 

[▪︎⚠ ＫＯＨＩ ⚠▪︎]

I'll make it brief, I don't think I wanna make a sotrytime out of it.
One day as a kid, there started to spread a nasty rumour of me in which I recieved so much hate that harsh comments didn't took long to appear.
What I'll say may be stupid and don't know if it counts as a sign, but sometimes I wonder that if I had listened to them, maybe my parents and loved ones wouldn't be dealing with the failure I am.

 

[g56f32Z4n8#uExEuU*@]

yeah, i always notice that whenever my life is unbearably shit and i have the most negative thoughts and worst luck, everyone around me is suddenly doing amazing and getting really lucky and having great things happen to them. but as soon as i get a period of good days or something good happens to me, everyone around me suddenly has something bad happen to them. whenever ive told anyone about this they always say im just focusing on the positives because im in a negative mindset and vice versa, but its so painfully coincidental that these things happen exactly at the same times, i just know that its me influencing the fate of those around me (even tho i dont believe in fate, thats just the best way i can describe it). i think the first example of this was when my mum was pregnant with me, her mum died. before i was even conscious i was ruining other peoples lives. i honestly feel like i cant and shouldnt be happy because its unfair on the people i care about. if i were to die, that would be the ultimate "negative" thing to happen to me so everyone else could finally be happy. or maybe if i die it would break the curse for lack of a better term. but then i also worry that because i want to die so much, if i die then it would be a positive thing for me, so then everyone else would be in constant negativity. im stuck.

other than that, when i found out my dad never wanted to have children. that really made me realise i never should have existed in the first place.

I used to have a similar feeling. For a long time I prayed like I could offer my life in exchange for something good happening to others, specifically healing my wife's mental illness.

 

[NambaSutra]

I was another gifted child. I never thought about suicide for my first couple decades of life, I just enjoyed reading, learning, computers, getting good grades, and going to a very prestigious school. My early signs of trouble were that I had a hard time making friends.

However at 48 years old I haven't felt gifted in a long time. More like cursed. I haven't read a proper book in years. I don't enjoy working. I don't get along with my family. My career knowledge is somewhat obsolete. My family situation is very strained. I hope 2023 is the year I can finally CTB after decades of suffering.

 

[SleepyRobloxGrl]

My first signs that I wasn't made for this world was in kindergarten when the other kids treated me differently. Doubt I thought of it that way at the time (not that I'd remember), but it was my first sign.

I understand what you mean, though. My first attempt was half-assed and uneducated. Swallowed 3 Aleve and thought I'd die lol, but I was surprised it was so easy. Believe me, I truly thought "this is it", but I just sat there and played solitaire on my iPad and fantasized about how I wouldn't have to fit in anymore and that everyone would suddenly love me for some reason once I was gone. As a fellow gifted kid, I saw it as a sort-of "I'll finally be perfect" scenario where I'd be ultimately faultless or something, but life hit hard and I'm not so gifted anymore. Now I have nothing that I once had and all the pain from before still lives within me.

Just an observation, but you ever notice how so many gifted kids end up suicidal adults? Most (8/10) of the people I kept up with from my years in gifted/AP/IB are now suicidal and have been 51/50ed at least once.

 

[leftdreaming]

Just an observation, but you ever notice how so many gifted kids end up suicidal adults? Most (8/10) of the people I kept up with from my years in gifted/AP/IB are now suicidal and have been 51/50ed at least once.

Not surprised. Off the top of my head I can think of a few reasons why that is, though I don't have the degree to prove it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would say I always had a "lucky hand" for decades, making it possible to live my llife the way I wanted to live it. A few years ago that turned against me and for an unknown reason I suddenly had the feeling that this is only the beginning and the longer I wait to do CTB the worse it's gonna be. Obviously I still did not CTB and my life is getting worse and worse and worse.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I was prescribed Metoclopramide a few years back. It's expired now but I'm sure it will still do the trick. I sort of see that as kismet.

Asides from that- no. I don't think our lives consciously push us towards anything. I reckon it's all just chance. Life is shit for some people- for many people. Some people just find reasons to want to shovel it and others don't.

 

[lawlietsph]

I can't think of a specific sign, however I just feel it in my soul, body and bones that no matter what happens, I'll never be happy in this world.
I simply don't belong here.
I was the opposite actually, never had any great opportunities, I'm not smart or athletic or anything like that. We were always between poor-middle class, and my parents never gave me the proper emotional care a child needs. My whole life I was just... there. Like I breathe, but why?
The only thing I have is the most caring, loving, selfless heart in the world. I have so much empathy it hurts. Maybe that's why I don't belong here.
But yeah, I just know that there's no place for me in this world and as long as I am alive, I'll always be miserable.