Discussion Has anyone come to terms with the suffering CTB-ing would inflict onto others?

[elderDrifter]

I ask because I'm putting things in place to CTB, including a note, but what keeps coming up is how much it would hurt my parents. I don't have a reason to keep going, but obviously they're gonna disagree, and it's going to hurt them regardless.

I tell myself eventually they'll recover, and that life ultimately moves on. But it's hard putting something like this on people you know rely on you in some capacity (even if that's mostly emotional). Especially onto my mom who would likely be discovering my body.

Has anyone else had this internal struggle or debate? What was it like for you? Has it ultimately altered your decision to CTB?

 

[uzuf86]

My family will be really sad when I go, but I will make it clear for them that they're better off without me as time passes.
I will make sure it will only be the authorities that will find me as it will cause a really bad trauma to family members if they were to do it.

My family has to move on, that is all I have to say to them. I will tell them that they have a really wonderful future ahead and must do everything they can to forget the worthless piece of crap that I am.

 

[F@#$]

I've come to terms with it. I plan on leaving as much pain, trauma, suffering and general chaos mayhem and mess as I can. Fuck the world!

 

[Illegal Preclear]

If it helps - my best friend CTBd in 2015, so I know what it's like to be the one in the position of loss. Of course, I've had CTB ideation since I was 10 so my reaction wasn't what a "normal" person's would be. I was obviously sad that he was gone, that we wouldn't be able to talk to each other and do things anymore, but I UNDERSTOOD why he did it. He was mentally ill like me and the world around him treated him like garbage for it - only the lucky bastard had access to a firearm. Yeah, I was and still am jealous of him that he had the courage and means to go through with it. I didn't feel sorry for his parents. His parents were wealthy and had every opportunity to help him, but they piled shame on him because he was mentally ill.

Same with my parents. My parents are rather narcissistic, so when I CTB I'm sure they'll be over it after having a good time on one of their many vacations. They'll never admit it - but they'll probably be relieved that with me gone, it'll be one less nuisance to deal with in their lives.

But everyone's family situation is different. Even if you have the most loving parents or family in the world - if you truly need to CTB, don't stay alive for the people around you if you're truly suffering. They have the privilege of having healthy enough minds they can survive and experience joy and connect with others and all that jazz that comes with not being a broken person, it'll all balance out in the end. They will move on. People who have lost people to CTB move on. I've gone through it, and I've watched others go through it. Regardless - grief is something ubiquitous to human life. We're all going to lose people to death one way or another. And people who aren't broken like us always move on.

 

[Guy_Smiley]

My guilt and sadness over how much it would hurt my family is the main reason I haven't CTB yet. When I think of CTB, my family is the first thing that I think about. I tell myself that it greatly hurts them having to see me going through life suffering so much, and so if I were dead maybe they would actually be better off in the long term because they would know I'm not suffering anymore. But it still causes me so much guilt/sadness when I think of them learning of my death and how much they would miss me.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

This is one of the things (among others) that stopped me from CTB'ing for many years. But these past few months, I've come to terms with it. I think I just realized that I wasn't willing to stay here anymore under any circumstances, no matter how much better my life got, and so staying any longer solely for their sake would be akin to a hostage situation, or even slavery.

It was not my choice to be born, and I don't have any obligation whatsoever to continue existing just because I exist now. Also, my belief is that it is incumbent on you to acknowledge that your child, once brought into this world, will have the free will to choose to exit this world, even before you do. If you are not ready to accept that, then you should not have kids. I know that's difficult because parents tend to have very strong biological drives to preserve their children, but ultimately one's own agency as a human being has to come first.

For me, I also see my suicide as somewhat of a sacrifice for their sake, because I've saved up a lot of money over the years from not having a social life, and they'll each be getting a non-negligible amount of money that could at least help some of them get off their feet (I'm the only employed person in my family of six at the moment).

EDIT: Typo

 

[sserafim]

I don't really feel anything about it. I know intellectually that my family will be sad, but I don't feel any guilt over it as it's my life to live (and I've already told my mom that I wanted to ctb and go to Dignitas/Pegasos if I could). She knows about my ASD and my failure to launch into the real world after college because the world just isn't suited or meant for me, and vice versa. She's mad at and disappointed in me for my failure, but I don't think that it's my fault.

 

[minusgrader]

Not yet. There's only one person's feelings I care deeply about when it comes to this. It's the only thing stopping me.

 

[Nagito]

I still struggle with it... My closest friend has asked me why I would trap him into paying rent by himself when I mention suicide.

It's not easy to overcome. I feel trapped staying here to help him live. Sometimes I wonder if it's easier to not have made connections with anyone. At the end of the day it wasn't your choice to be born and you are not obligated to suffer your entire life for anyone. Those that want to stay alive are more resilient in terms of finding purpose and meaning and they will heal. Those that share our perspective might join us.

In roughly 80 years all the people you're worried about hurting won't be here anymore.

 

[ummagumma]

no
my friends will be sad, but they will get over it, but my parents wont. my mom straight up said that she will die if i die (and sadly this wasnt a manipulation). im an only beloved child. i have to keep going as long as i can

 

[Goku Black]

Yes, I've come to terms with it as it is part of the nature of how things go with ctb, I care about my family but I've long since lost any reason to stay just for them, it's hard enough for myself to remain here when I know it's only a matter of time...

 

[Hotsackage]

I try to just live in the present, and go from there. Obviously the present is not always nice. Basically I try not to think of ctb, but it obviously have an effect on those around you, and its a personal decision.

 

[DreamEnd]

no
my friends will be sad, but they will get over it, but my parents wont. my mom straight up said that she will die if i die (and sadly this wasnt a manipulation). im an only beloved child. i have to keep going as long as i can

Same:(

 

[kilowatt]

I don't think I care about anyone's feelings enough to let their desires get in the way of MY peace and well-being. I love many people but no one that much.
Well, the thoughts of ''Who's gonna care for my cats?'' did leave me unsure a few times.

 

[unabletocope]

I'm a mixed bag, I think my death would be celebrated as I'm acutely aware that I am pretty disliked, there are people who would be hit by my death I am sure but the people who dislike me outweigh them seeing as they are so omnipresent and have affected me the bulk of my life, I've been surrounded by dislike in ways that have crippled me, some might say I deserve the dislike I get and bring it on myself, all I know is I tried to sort myself out and got annihilated so death is completely appealing

 

[Final_Choice]

No, it's the main thing holding me back. I'm just going to do everything I can to possibly minimize the damage it would cause to those around me.

 

[TransientEternal]

Yes, I don't remember when I stopped caring about who will be affected.

 

[amra81nz]

The only family i worry about is my dog. the humans will move on just fine but my fur baby will never understand

 

[Kit1]

This is the reason that I am still here.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

For the longest time, I've desperately wished that I didn't have friends, isolated myself and hope they'll go away just so they won't find out and get hurt. Lately I've been thinking about it like this: I'm going die eventually anyway. There's no stopping it, it happens to everybody. People are going to be sad no matter when or how I go, so what difference would dying at 31 do to dying at, let's say 68? After the initial pain I also think there's going to be some sense of relief for some people. I've rarely been anything but a nuisance, suffering people unfortunately tend to be.

The only one I worry about to the point of second-guessing is my cat. He's a sweet, completely innocent creature who loves me. I don't know how he would handle being locked up in my apartment with my dead body until someone finds him.

 

[cherry7]

No, it's the main thing holding me back. I'm just going to do everything I can to possibly minimize the damage it would cause to those around me.

How will you do that?

 

[Final_Choice]

How will you do that?

Try to make it look like an accident, while a natural-looking death will still inflict pain onto those around me it'll be easier to understand and live with it compared to CTB.

 

[jellie]

i think that this is something you will have to come to terms with if you want to CTB. it will hurt the people around you. but they will also have some sense to know that you really weren't happy here. this does NOT mean that they will be happy that you died, but that they will eventually be able to come to terms with it.

no matter what you do, if you chose to CTB, it will hurt the people who love and care for you.

 

[cherry7]

Try to make it look like an accident, while a natural-looking death will still inflict pain onto those around me it'll be easier to understand and live with it compared to CTB.

Oh my method of choice won't be able to look like that. Would be nice though.

 

[Silent_cries]

If it helps - my best friend CTBd in 2015, so I know what it's like to be the one in the position of loss. Of course, I've had CTB ideation since I was 10 so my reaction wasn't what a "normal" person's would be. I was obviously sad that he was gone, that we wouldn't be able to talk to each other and do things anymore, but I UNDERSTOOD why he did it. He was mentally ill like me and the world around him treated him like garbage for it - only the lucky bastard had access to a firearm. Yeah, I was and still am jealous of him that he had the courage and means to go through with it. I didn't feel sorry for his parents. His parents were wealthy and had every opportunity to help him, but they piled shame on him because he was mentally ill.

Same with my parents. My parents are rather narcissistic, so when I CTB I'm sure they'll be over it after having a good time on one of their many vacations. They'll never admit it - but they'll probably be relieved that with me gone, it'll be one less nuisance to deal with in their lives.

But everyone's family situation is different. Even if you have the most loving parents or family in the world - if you truly need to CTB, don't stay alive for the people around you if you're truly suffering. They have the privilege of having healthy enough minds they can survive and experience joy and connect with others and all that jazz that comes with not being a broken person, it'll all balance out in the end. They will move on. People who have lost people to CTB move on. I've gone through it, and I've watched others go through it. Regardless - grief is something ubiquitous to human life. We're all going to lose people to death one way or another. And people who aren't broken like us always move on.

Honestly, I agree so much, this is so well written! Although what makes me at peace with it the most personally, is knowing that the consequences my ctb will likely have on those who did me and probably also others outweights the grief it will cause my loved ones. It gives me a sense of confirmation that this is the right choice for me. It all comes down to letting the pro's outweigh the cons tbh.

 

[INTJme]

Nobody around you is suffering more than you are and everybody has mechanisms to cope in ways you weren't accorded, sadly. Which is why you're here and they're not. Stopping yourself for others – while it makes you kind and compassionate, you will continue experiencing life the same way you've been, which got you here and will keep you here. So ultimately it's your choice if you want to get out of this loop or stick to being kind and compassionate.

 

[Silent_cries]

Honestly, I agree so much, this is so well written! Although what makes me at peace with it the most personally, is knowing that the consequences my ctb will likely have on those who did me and probably also others outweights the grief it will cause my loved ones. It gives me a sense of confirmation that this is the right choice for me. It all comes down to letting the pro's outweigh the cons tbh.

I realize that I made a typo, I meant to say that I'm at peace with the grief my ctb will cause bc the consequences it likely will cause those who did me and likely also others wrong will outweigh it. That's the main reason I'm at peace with it, that and knowing just how strong my family is. I know they'll get through it and that makes me feel at peace with it.

 

[jessebessey]

Now that I am getting divorced I don't care anymore

 

[steppingoff]

The reality is that CTBings will hurt someone in your life.

You can try to minimize it, but make sure they are not the ones who find your body. Or maybe leaving a note (or not)
There is no "right" way

You just have to realize that you have to let go and let it happen.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I started to just figure that them watching me suffer while I'm alive is just as bad for them. My suicide note will remind them that in death, I can have the happiness and peace that I have always wanted my entire life.