Siamese Believe
Member
- Dec 8, 2025
- 44
Does anyone go through this? I know I'm gonna be ending it. But I live as if that's not my intentions. Most seem to be numb and non-caring towards any responsibilities in their last days.
But I feel like I still care too much about things and I can't stop, I don't know why. Getting paperwork done, going to appointments, how I present, etc.
It just won't feel right if I stop doing everything. I feel like a great white shark, I can't stop moving or else I suffocate slowly and painfully. I have to keep swimming until the very end.
I wish I could bed rot, lose my appetite, and just relax like many of you, but I can't. I feel so much worse if I do completely nothing.
It also would force me to think more about my fears more if my brain isn't occupied, which is also painful.
I need to still live the life of someone who isn't gonna kill themselves until that moment comes where I act. That way I avoid the fear and existential crisis.
But I feel like I still care too much about things and I can't stop, I don't know why. Getting paperwork done, going to appointments, how I present, etc.
It just won't feel right if I stop doing everything. I feel like a great white shark, I can't stop moving or else I suffocate slowly and painfully. I have to keep swimming until the very end.
I wish I could bed rot, lose my appetite, and just relax like many of you, but I can't. I feel so much worse if I do completely nothing.
It also would force me to think more about my fears more if my brain isn't occupied, which is also painful.
I need to still live the life of someone who isn't gonna kill themselves until that moment comes where I act. That way I avoid the fear and existential crisis.
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