Hard deadline is in a couple hours,it feels weird

[Exhausted546]

I guess that caused me to have weird nightmares/dreams.

A part of me wants to wait but I can't wait any longer,it feels weird. Unlike my previous attempts,this one will be kinda brutal for a few seconds and final. FSH with a slip knot, I can't back out once I kick the chair.

Theres moments I feel ready, others I don't feel ready. Rn it feels rushed but it'll the last opportunity I'll get in some time before Monday and I absolutely did not want to reach Monday. Anyway if I do reach Monday my situation will be worse enough that I'll be even more desperate to CTB.

Wish the was a third option to wind back time all the way to before traumatic events that turned me into this mess

 

[zdeweilx]

Same i dont want to reach Monday. I wish you strength and peace.

 

[sei_fragen]

I wish I had your courage. I'm too much of a pussy to kms violently. For me it has to be pentobarbital or nothing. Wish you strength and peace as well.

 

[Exhausted546]

Same i dont want to reach Monday. I wish you strength and peace.

Think I should warm myself up by thinking of all the pain, humiliation, gaslighiting, mockery & invalidation of my traumas I went through the past decade. My family's extreme toxicity.& so on.
Just writing this warmed me up to it

I wish I had your courage. I'm too much of a pussy to kms violently. For me it has to be pentobarbital or nothing. Wish you strength and peace as well.

Pentobarbital?

 

[sei_fragen]

Pentobarbital?

Pentobarbital - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

It's used for assisted suicide and lethal injection in the US.

 

[Exhausted546]

Pentobarbital - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

It's used for assisted suicide and lethal injection in the US.

How the hell would you get access to this tho?

 

[sei_fragen]

How the hell would you get access to this tho?

Legally? Only through assisted suicide organizations or if you work in healthcare and have access to it.

 

[Exhausted546]

Legally? Only through assisted suicide organizations or if you work in healthcare and have access to it.

How would you get that assisted suicide tho since you say that's the only method you'd accept

 

[paperbaghat]

I think it feels so strange is because for most people, the day they stop existing is completely unknown; a person could think they have decades of life left only to get hit by a car the very next day. What I'm getting at is having a concrete date of death is uncommon for most people.