Venting Hard day

[OverwhelmingDarkness]

Just having a hard day, just need to get some stuff out, some place where I can say what I'm feeling without the fear of being judged of hospitalized.

I'm definitely in a much better place than I used to be but my thoughts still occasionally drift to ctb. I can't help but think how much easier everything would be if I wasn't here, because well, I'd be dead. But I don't really want that, not anymore. I just want to be happy. I just want to feel the love of my true family and their arms around me. If I was dead, I might not get to ever experience that.

But what do I do on days that are so hard? I still have things to do. Life still goes on. I wish I could tell someone in my real life about this but... that can of course be risky. I know I'll get through it, but I really just want to rest. I really need to rest...

Just, sigh. It's okay. I know it will be okay. But like... JFJFJFJFIJFBFJCK GET ME OUTTAA HEHEREHRRHEHBR

 

[narayana0121]

One thing I like to do that helps me is to spend time with my dog. But usually I'm far away from her (in a different city) so I like looking at pictures of us that I have taken going on walks or doing other happy things, that usually cheers me up.

Besides that, I guess pick up a hobby that you could literally spend hours on so that you can take your mind off of the hard things in life. At my college, there's an engineering club where we design and build a racecar and then take it to racing events, and I'm currently working on the electronics for it, like the engine sensors and stuff. Shits pretty interesting and consumes way too much of my time. To be honest, I think I'm currently in the lowest point in my life when it comes to mental health, and having this club to distract me is the only thing that's kept me from ctb this month.