So yours truly~ is still in the psych ward. I think I'm getting close to another CTB attempt. So for the sake of thoroughness and preparing myself, I've really been trying to compress my carotid or sort of simulate a partial hanging whenever possible. I think I've gotten close a few times; however, each time my vision starts going and I think I'm getting close to making myself pass out, my hand, which is gripping my neck, starts spazzing out uncontrollably.
Is this SI or what's happening? How can I prevent this in the future? I've been trying to hold down my gripping hand with my other hand to no avail. 。゚(゚´Д`゚)゚。
Hi there :3 When you compress the carotid arteries, you reduce blood flow to all areas of the brain. When the brain gets hypoxic, it stops being able to regulate motor neurons properly, which can cause such neurons to become hyperexcitable. When your motor neurons become hyperexcitable, random parts of your body - like, say, the hand you're using to choke yourself - can start spazzing uncontrollably. I think that's what's happening here. Unfortunately, it's not something that you can really prevent - it's your body's biomechanical response to hypoxia.
Importantly, this is
not the same as SI. This is (i) you choking yourself out correctly, (ii) your brain shutting down because you are choking yourself out correctly, (iii) your hand experiencing myoclonic activity because your brain is shutting down correctly, and then (iv) you no longer being able to choke yourself, because your hand convulsed away from your neck. It's like if you took a sublethal dose of benzos and then passed out before you could take the rest, thereby preventing you from taking the rest to ctb.
If you've gotten close to passing out a few times, to the point where your vision fades and your hand spasms, then imo you really don't need to practice anymore. You know where your sweet spot is, and you've overcome your SI as much as possible. Practicing more just for practice's sake might just be bad for your brain.
Best of luck o7