MeriDeath
Im on the edge of reality
- May 10, 2020
- 213
Like some of you may or may not now I come from a country where you have to serve in the army once you turn 18 and finish high school. I was a simple office worker tho but I gave 2 years of my life for this shit. It's mandatory here. Anyways. Sharing the same room with other girls from 8-5 was terrible. I was serving in the army but God knows why. I was already depressed back than. If I knew back than what I know today I surely wouldn't have done that and suffered so much, socially speaking. Now that I think about it I wouldn't have finished high school either (which was a total failure socially too) if only I had known about my suicidal tendencies back then. I mean I've tried to kill myself a few times in the past but I was never consistent about it nor did I have a plan set in my mind. This year suicide has become the real deal and thinking about it makes me feel...indifferent regarding my attitude towards life. I feel so stupid. But at the same I think, I wouldn't have anything else to do back then. But again all that and why? Pretty funny but the idea of suicide is what could've saved me from getting more depressed while serving and studying in such toxic environments. My life would be way more cool without me giving my best years to this country and said educational establishment. But I guess now it's too late to turn the will back, sadly
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