I never considerd I was able of doing that. Yes we only talked. We held long eye contact. I was very socially awkward after my second psychosis and struggled severely to hold eye contact. I am not sure how good I was in that conversation but way way better than I expected it of myself. Though I think I could only deliver because I did not overthink it. Though per definition with this thread I am going to overanalyze it. And in future I won't be that good anymore. In general I am not sure how good my social skills really were. I won't search for close contact with her I am not that interested in her. She is not in my league and I think the only reason why she liked me was because I was not sleazy and tried not to compliment her or shit like that.
So first: She is extremely attractive. Really really impressive. There are some traits of her I won't share because I don't want anyone could potentially identify her. But one specific seldom characteristic of her is seen as very very attractive. Her outer appearance is extremely good. I don't want to objectivy her. I only describe it to share the story. Her eyes are amazing. I will share the following only because it made me uncomfortable and it influenced my interaction with her. She has big breasts. Her personality seems to be pretty good but this certainly could be the halo effect.
I once wrote in this forum that I get psychotic even when I think too much about women not even interacting with them. And I am a little bit scared to get psychotic when writing this thread or when I overanalyze the conversation.
In my holidays I read The Pale King of David Foster Wallace. It was so so fucking good. It still does not leave my head. Some parts were so amazing. They touched me so deeply. There is a character in the book who is extremely attractive. She once has a long conversation with an asexual co-worker. The chapter was crazy good. When I had the talk with that woman I slightly internalized the message of the chapter. Woman who look extremely good are used to getting objectivied. They are probably annoyed to get all the compliments. All the flirting solely because you are reduced to your body. I guess in some ways it sometimes might be a curse. I could very well imagine that a woman like her is scared to be on the streets late at night. That someone might molested her and things like that in the past are not unlikely.
I am overanalyzing gazes way way too much. But I tried to look at her in the following way: yes, I see you are very attractive, I am well-aware about that, we both know it, but it is not that special, it is probably annoying to be reduced to your body, I certainly tried to send the message I don't want to flirt with you, I am just friendly without ulterior motive. And I think she liked that. She smiled at me. Looked me deep in the eyes. But here is where overthinking starts. I am pretty certain nearly 100% she is not interested in me. I think she forgot our first interaction. And I am also as I said earlier not that interested due to some reasons. Furthermore I would feel pretty superifical because I barely know her. And I think as I said the sole reason she liked me was because I treated her like a human being and not as some sort of meat. I am still not perfect in holding eye contact. I was not sure where to look when we did not hold eye contact. Usually I look at someone's body but I was scared to look at her boobs accidentally and she might notice that. I was a little bit insecure. She might noticed it but I might have behaved slightly above average in comparison with other men. Hopefully. In The Pale King DFW explained how different men behave when they have close contact to an extremely beautiful woman. Some become anxious, timid, self-conscious, awkward. I am highly surprised I did not became that in an awful manner.
I opened the book to give more details. Drinion the asexual character analyzed Meredith Rand's beauty. Her beauty is some form of power. One gets pretty fast put in one certain category if one is that beautiful. It is like a prison noone will ever judge you without being aware of that "fact". Okay now I got the paragraph.
So DFW you might have helped me in this instance. Interestingly studying DFW interviews in an insane magnitude led to my awkwardness partially several years ago in the first place.
I give it up I fucking give it up. I have the German version of the chapter in front of me. But my translation would suck ass. I am not sure how much time I invested but I searched 30-60 minutes for the chapter on English and I could not find it I am so fucking pissed. In my own words it is not magical at all in contrast to the original. Though one worry less about copyright infringement. Lol.
So I continue with the paragraph in my own words. Some men become anxious, nervous, they feel embarrassed or they are anxious that they want it - they cannot talk with you, they only can stare at you or they immediately start a show like a certain Bob in the story. They start flirting in kind of a sexist way, they want to impress you, but in reality they only want to impress other boys by showing they are not scared. And you only were there and did not really do anything. You just stood there and the other changed suddenly. (Please please David forgive me to ruin you work! He disliked the notion of a translations and I even suck so bad at it - buy the book men and women).
It sounds exhausting. All the other women hate you. (personal comment: I also noticed the evil gazes of other women. Literally. Lol.) They don't know you but they hate you only because they notice how the other boys act. As if you were a theat. Or they call you a slut without an attempt to talk with you. Even teachers stared at her. (yeah when I was in school there were such rumors about teachers too lol). They become horny. (There are many words which are very idiomatic and that I cannot translate properly). Nobody sees more in you more than a very hot girl. Beauty is a trap when you are aging. They just consider you meat. Nobody will take you serious. See your qualifications. There is a competition between women they are envious or jealous.
I will end it here my time for a useless research took me so much nerves and energy.
Maybe this thread contributes to the problem. I might generalize things because my resources are limited. I recommend the book for sure.
There were several reasons why I am so obsessed with it. It is a new good thread idea. I am impressed in a positive way about my social skills (I was a total mess and still am that often). I think I was prisoned in the situation. It became slightly uncomfortable but I was good at not showing it. I was curious about her as a person and not the facade. I did not want to be the clichee guy who starts flirting. I noticed she is used to that. I hope this thread or topic won't become a problem itself. I tend to get psychotic symptoms when developing a crush. However I am not that interested necessarily. Is it concerning I now emphasized that a third time? Lol.
I recently watched a philosphy show about ugliness. And I considered the woman in the thumbnail as quite attractive. Ironically they chose a picture where she fulfils many usual beauty standards. Though she struggled with her outer appearance especially her nose. I was superifical and annoyed when seeing that thumbnail such a good looking woman talks about ugliness. But she was a pretty interesting and deep person when she shared her story. How she was bullied at school for her outer appearance. (and as a migrant). And how she denies a nose operation due to feminist ideals. Some of her societal analyses seemed to be questionable though.
Moreover I love The Pale King so fucking much and thinking of it boosts my mood and nurtures my soul. I loved this certain chapter and was glad to dive into it once again.
Can women or men relate to my descriptions? Maybe I overexaggerated the curse of beauty in this thread. There are many advantages for sure. What do you think?
So first: She is extremely attractive. Really really impressive. There are some traits of her I won't share because I don't want anyone could potentially identify her. But one specific seldom characteristic of her is seen as very very attractive. Her outer appearance is extremely good. I don't want to objectivy her. I only describe it to share the story. Her eyes are amazing. I will share the following only because it made me uncomfortable and it influenced my interaction with her. She has big breasts. Her personality seems to be pretty good but this certainly could be the halo effect.
I once wrote in this forum that I get psychotic even when I think too much about women not even interacting with them. And I am a little bit scared to get psychotic when writing this thread or when I overanalyze the conversation.
In my holidays I read The Pale King of David Foster Wallace. It was so so fucking good. It still does not leave my head. Some parts were so amazing. They touched me so deeply. There is a character in the book who is extremely attractive. She once has a long conversation with an asexual co-worker. The chapter was crazy good. When I had the talk with that woman I slightly internalized the message of the chapter. Woman who look extremely good are used to getting objectivied. They are probably annoyed to get all the compliments. All the flirting solely because you are reduced to your body. I guess in some ways it sometimes might be a curse. I could very well imagine that a woman like her is scared to be on the streets late at night. That someone might molested her and things like that in the past are not unlikely.
I am overanalyzing gazes way way too much. But I tried to look at her in the following way: yes, I see you are very attractive, I am well-aware about that, we both know it, but it is not that special, it is probably annoying to be reduced to your body, I certainly tried to send the message I don't want to flirt with you, I am just friendly without ulterior motive. And I think she liked that. She smiled at me. Looked me deep in the eyes. But here is where overthinking starts. I am pretty certain nearly 100% she is not interested in me. I think she forgot our first interaction. And I am also as I said earlier not that interested due to some reasons. Furthermore I would feel pretty superifical because I barely know her. And I think as I said the sole reason she liked me was because I treated her like a human being and not as some sort of meat. I am still not perfect in holding eye contact. I was not sure where to look when we did not hold eye contact. Usually I look at someone's body but I was scared to look at her boobs accidentally and she might notice that. I was a little bit insecure. She might noticed it but I might have behaved slightly above average in comparison with other men. Hopefully. In The Pale King DFW explained how different men behave when they have close contact to an extremely beautiful woman. Some become anxious, timid, self-conscious, awkward. I am highly surprised I did not became that in an awful manner.
I opened the book to give more details. Drinion the asexual character analyzed Meredith Rand's beauty. Her beauty is some form of power. One gets pretty fast put in one certain category if one is that beautiful. It is like a prison noone will ever judge you without being aware of that "fact". Okay now I got the paragraph.
So DFW you might have helped me in this instance. Interestingly studying DFW interviews in an insane magnitude led to my awkwardness partially several years ago in the first place.
I give it up I fucking give it up. I have the German version of the chapter in front of me. But my translation would suck ass. I am not sure how much time I invested but I searched 30-60 minutes for the chapter on English and I could not find it I am so fucking pissed. In my own words it is not magical at all in contrast to the original. Though one worry less about copyright infringement. Lol.
So I continue with the paragraph in my own words. Some men become anxious, nervous, they feel embarrassed or they are anxious that they want it - they cannot talk with you, they only can stare at you or they immediately start a show like a certain Bob in the story. They start flirting in kind of a sexist way, they want to impress you, but in reality they only want to impress other boys by showing they are not scared. And you only were there and did not really do anything. You just stood there and the other changed suddenly. (Please please David forgive me to ruin you work! He disliked the notion of a translations and I even suck so bad at it - buy the book men and women).
It sounds exhausting. All the other women hate you. (personal comment: I also noticed the evil gazes of other women. Literally. Lol.) They don't know you but they hate you only because they notice how the other boys act. As if you were a theat. Or they call you a slut without an attempt to talk with you. Even teachers stared at her. (yeah when I was in school there were such rumors about teachers too lol). They become horny. (There are many words which are very idiomatic and that I cannot translate properly). Nobody sees more in you more than a very hot girl. Beauty is a trap when you are aging. They just consider you meat. Nobody will take you serious. See your qualifications. There is a competition between women they are envious or jealous.
I will end it here my time for a useless research took me so much nerves and energy.
Maybe this thread contributes to the problem. I might generalize things because my resources are limited. I recommend the book for sure.
There were several reasons why I am so obsessed with it. It is a new good thread idea. I am impressed in a positive way about my social skills (I was a total mess and still am that often). I think I was prisoned in the situation. It became slightly uncomfortable but I was good at not showing it. I was curious about her as a person and not the facade. I did not want to be the clichee guy who starts flirting. I noticed she is used to that. I hope this thread or topic won't become a problem itself. I tend to get psychotic symptoms when developing a crush. However I am not that interested necessarily. Is it concerning I now emphasized that a third time? Lol.
I recently watched a philosphy show about ugliness. And I considered the woman in the thumbnail as quite attractive. Ironically they chose a picture where she fulfils many usual beauty standards. Though she struggled with her outer appearance especially her nose. I was superifical and annoyed when seeing that thumbnail such a good looking woman talks about ugliness. But she was a pretty interesting and deep person when she shared her story. How she was bullied at school for her outer appearance. (and as a migrant). And how she denies a nose operation due to feminist ideals. Some of her societal analyses seemed to be questionable though.
Moreover I love The Pale King so fucking much and thinking of it boosts my mood and nurtures my soul. I loved this certain chapter and was glad to dive into it once again.
Can women or men relate to my descriptions? Maybe I overexaggerated the curse of beauty in this thread. There are many advantages for sure. What do you think?
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