Story Had a euphoric dream. I think God gave me permission to die.

[miulake]

I almost never dream. Since adulthood I can barely remember dreaming a handful of times, and in the last 10 yrs, none!!
I have been suicidal for the last few years due to health reasons. Last week I was under so much stress that I cut myself with a long knife. Sliced all over my arms, stomach and legs. Bled like crazy all night long and turned my bedsheet and mattress and floor Red. I never thought I would do such a thing since I always thought cutting oneself to be "overdramatic" since it almost never results in death. But I was faced with so much social abuse and pressure due to my condition that ended up doing it anyways.
It's like I could feel the dam of my cortisol tolerance collapsing.

2 days ago I made my first serious attempt to CTB via partial hanging. SI kicked in, I started to flail around and my necktie snapped!
But for those few moments I really felt like this was it. There was such a rush of emotions in my brain!

Then yesterday night I had a Dream!!
In the dream I was back at my university for some reason. It was a nice sunny day and I was literally able to leap over the univ buildings. I felt so light, so happy, leaping high up with each step I took, bidding my college friends goodbye, laughing and frolicking around.
When I finally woke up after the long dream I was,
1. surprised because I had a dream! I never have dreams, and
2. I felt like it was God's way of telling me that,
it was okay. I am free to leave this world and all will be forgiven.

I have been feeling relaxed since then and am preparing to make my next attempt.

 

[GoSan1]

Was in the same situation like you today, for years haven't had real dreams and forgot most of them. Got a dream which was short but peaceful, of me dying.

Funny enough, I had a breakdown about if I can really end myself and prayed for a sign. Think this was it from God.

Will make a post after work but interesting to see others had it too and took it the same way!

 

[Bellt]

Sounds more like the Devil in disguise to me

 

[JustSomeWeirdo]

I almost never dream. Since adulthood I can barely remember dreaming a handful of times, and in the last 10 yrs, none!!
I have been suicidal for the last few years due to health reasons. Last week I was under so much stress that I cut myself with a long knife. Sliced all over my arms, stomach and legs. Bled like crazy all night long and turned my bedsheet and mattress and floor Red. I never thought I would do such a thing since I always thought cutting oneself to be "overdramatic" since it almost never results in death. But I was faced with so much social abuse and pressure due to my condition that ended up doing it anyways.
It's like I could feel the dam of my cortisol tolerance collapsing.

2 days ago I made my first serious attempt to CTB via partial hanging. SI kicked in, I started to flail around and my necktie snapped!
But for those few moments I really felt like this was it. There was such a rush of emotions in my brain!

Then yesterday night I had a Dream!!
In the dream I was back at my university for some reason. It was a nice sunny day and I was literally able to leap over the univ buildings. I felt so light, so happy, leaping high up with each step I took, bidding my college friends goodbye, laughing and frolicking around.
When I finally woke up after the long dream I was,
1. surprised because I had a dream! I never have dreams, and
2. I felt like it was God's way of telling me that,
it was okay. I am free to leave this world and all will be forgiven.

I have been feeling relaxed since then and am preparing to make my next attempt.

I've had those types of dreams twice now.

 

[divinemistress87]

What a beautiful dream

 

[cygnus1]

i think you cant be fully ok with it until your ultimate love, whatever garnered your definition of ultimate understanding, must also be wanting it for you too.i also have too much proof of this, and i only wish i could be told all of the exact opposite things, im really not suicidal, this is the result of not only approval from powers but too much encouragement to where i know its imperative. i hate it. i want to be told none of it is real and i can live whatever life i want.

 

[Douggy82]

God's not an a hole.

 

[losthope1980]

I almost never dream. Since adulthood I can barely remember dreaming a handful of times, and in the last 10 yrs, none!!
I have been suicidal for the last few years due to health reasons. Last week I was under so much stress that I cut myself with a long knife. Sliced all over my arms, stomach and legs. Bled like crazy all night long and turned my bedsheet and mattress and floor Red. I never thought I would do such a thing since I always thought cutting oneself to be "overdramatic" since it almost never results in death. But I was faced with so much social abuse and pressure due to my condition that ended up doing it anyways.
It's like I could feel the dam of my cortisol tolerance collapsing.

2 days ago I made my first serious attempt to CTB via partial hanging. SI kicked in, I started to flail around and my necktie snapped!
But for those few moments I really felt like this was it. There was such a rush of emotions in my brain!

Then yesterday night I had a Dream!!
In the dream I was back at my university for some reason. It was a nice sunny day and I was literally able to leap over the univ buildings. I felt so light, so happy, leaping high up with each step I took, bidding my college friends goodbye, laughing and frolicking around.
When I finally woke up after the long dream I was,
1. surprised because I had a dream! I never have dreams, and
2. I felt like it was God's way of telling me that,
it was okay. I am free to leave this world and all will be forgiven.

I have been feeling relaxed since then and am preparing to make my next attempt.

God forgives everything, as long as you believe and have faith, he understands people who have this pain and knows what you are going through. sometimes there is no way out and god can forgive this unbearable pain of living an will surely give you peace.