Post is wicked rambly. Sorry. Brain is cooked.
I look and see so many people on here who view life as evil or bad and wrong. It's no wonder. I understand them. Existence is bizarre. But I do not see it that way.
Despite my pain, the recognition of myself (which is awful), I see beauty. It's hard to describe. I want so badly to be gone from my pain yet I see majesty all around me.
It makes me feel guilty. If those who see life as evil were able to take my perspective would they still seek death as I do?
It makes me feel fortunate, which makes me feel guilty. I have squandered my gift of life. I am not brave enough to speak of it.
Man I used to be able to write so well. drugs have ruined me. I'm so confused. I just want help.
Like Google has been tracking me for over a decade. They know more about me than my ex does. If there was a safe, ethical way to compile a psychological dossier on me (which cone on they for sure have), and deliver it to a body that truly desired to help, could I be saved? Could I be delivered from myself?
I was a pallbearer today for a family member. And of course my selfish ass could do nothing but think about what it would be like for my family to have to do that to me. I am planning a bus trip very soon.
I am such a disastrous disappointment
I look and see so many people on here who view life as evil or bad and wrong. It's no wonder. I understand them. Existence is bizarre. But I do not see it that way.
Despite my pain, the recognition of myself (which is awful), I see beauty. It's hard to describe. I want so badly to be gone from my pain yet I see majesty all around me.
It makes me feel guilty. If those who see life as evil were able to take my perspective would they still seek death as I do?
It makes me feel fortunate, which makes me feel guilty. I have squandered my gift of life. I am not brave enough to speak of it.
Man I used to be able to write so well. drugs have ruined me. I'm so confused. I just want help.
Like Google has been tracking me for over a decade. They know more about me than my ex does. If there was a safe, ethical way to compile a psychological dossier on me (which cone on they for sure have), and deliver it to a body that truly desired to help, could I be saved? Could I be delivered from myself?
I was a pallbearer today for a family member. And of course my selfish ass could do nothing but think about what it would be like for my family to have to do that to me. I am planning a bus trip very soon.
I am such a disastrous disappointment
