Guilt over leaving younger sibling behind

[Eudaimonic]

I also feel guilty over leaving my parents, other family members, and friends behind, but I feel the most amount of guilt over what my death would do to my younger sibling. I'm worried that it would ruin their life. I feel so horrible about it. I'm going to leave a note, but what more can I do? Should I leave a separate note for them? Can anyone else relate?

 

[Guy_Smiley]

Although it's not my younger sibling I worry the most about, I can definitely relate to the horrible feelings of guilt over hurting family in general. The only things I can think of that might lessen the impact of suicide on family and friends is to either make it look like an accident (which might be very difficult to do depending on one's circumstances) or do it in a way that is as least traumatic for them as possible and leave a note that hopefully answers any questions they're left with. Other than that, I really don't know what more one could do.

 

[onbekend]

I'm sorry that you are going through this.
This is one of those things that I think most of us struggle with, and it really sucks. Guilt (especially concerning family members) is probably the number reason why a suicide attempt could fail now that I think about it.

I can give a solid guarantee that there are people on this website who have better advice than I could give but In terms of what I'd say you could do, you can buy them gifts if you have the ability to do so (that's what I'm doing). Spending time with them is also a good option too, but it could also backfire and make the feeling of guilt worse as it did with me.

 

[bFre3]

I almost feel as if this is the one thing that can't be truly avoided, and is the thing that's stopping me the most. The best you could do is slowly distancing yourself, but even then it's likely the people around you will be hurt regardless.

That's the reason why I'm writing a very, very long letter. I want to say goodbye to everyone at an individual level. And other than that, I'm guessing you just have to accept that it's okay to be selfish sometimes.

 

[returntothevoid]

I have a younger sister who is my whole world and I adore her more than anything. Everyone else knows how close we are, people comment on it. She is my best friend and is truly the only reason I'm still here. I've been going back and forth between trying to stick out the rest of my miserable life for her or doing away with it all. It's confusing and frankly, as much as I love her, she's really putting me between a rock and a hard place. When I'm in my moments closest to committing I just tell myself she'll be fine without me but I can't shake the feeling that she'll never recover from my CBT and I'll ruin her life. Maybe I should just wait until she at least finishes college and gets a job or something I don't know

 

[Eudaimonic]

The only things I can think of that might lessen the impact of suicide on family and friends is to either make it look like an accident (which might be very difficult to do depending on one's circumstances) or do it in a way that is as least traumatic for them as possible

I'm not sure about making it look accidental. I guess CO/opioid overdose/SWB/hypothermia (not including jumping/falling, drowning, electrocution, poisonous plants, car crash into barrier, scuba, etc. since all of those have their own set of issues that rule them out) could potentially look like an accident, but my parents, unfortunately, know that I'm suicidal/have been and that I use/have used this site, so that may complicate things in what might otherwise seem like an accidental death. If I were to aim for the more modest goal of a peaceful death, I'd have considerably more options.

you can buy them gifts if you have the ability to do so (that's what I'm doing). Spending time with them is also a good option too, but it could also backfire and make the feeling of guilt worse as it did with me.

I'm hesitant because the gifts could act as reminders and just make them feel worse. I don't know if spending time with them or attempting to distance myself would be better, but I suspect that the latter might make them feel worse.

Maybe I should just wait until she at least finishes college and gets a job or something I don't know

I've sometimes considered waiting a few years, but I'm not sure I can manage it.

 

[Avisagia]

I also feel guilty over leaving my parents, other family members, and friends behind, but I feel the most amount of guilt over what my death would do to my younger sibling. I'm worried that it would ruin their life. I feel so horrible about it. I'm going to leave a note, but what more can I do? Should I leave a separate note for them? Can anyone else relate?

Wow so much. I feel you man. I have 3 siblings

 

[LOVELYDARKDEEP]

I hear that.

I think one thing that brings me peace when I think about this is that ultimately, I know that my loved ones would never ask me to suffer for their benefit alone. I also try to remember that it's unrealistic to expect myself to be solely responsible for all the emotions and reactions of everybody around me, and that to try to do so is taking on a burden most can't carry for long.

I also remind myself of the fact that there will always be painful farewells ahead, whether you catch the bus early or stick around for a while longer yet. Your loved ones are going to have to let you go eventually - none of us are immortal. I can consider myself to be blessed to have formed such strong and good attachments, that they would be the only thing to give me pause on the way out the door, and still continue on my way knowing that all things will come to an end regardless of what I, or others, do and when it is done.

Don't forget to show, or tell them how much they mean to you before you go. Give them some good last memories now, so that they have a fresh, bright memory of you to warm them through their grief.

 

[onbekend]

I'm hesitant because the gifts could act as reminders and just make them feel worse. I don't know if spending time with them or attempting to distance myself would be better, but I suspect that the latter might make them feel worse.

That's the thing that makes it difficult to overcome that feeling of guilt. It's doing anything you can to numb the pain they'll feel before you go through with it, The problem is that the chance is always there that it might backfire and make them feel worse. There's obviously no way to go through with it without your loved ones feeling a little bit of pain, but what you can do is (as you said) spend time with them just enough to make them happy. If you spend the perfect amount of time with them, maybe while they're making food or going grocery shopping for example, It might make them feel better afterward.

 

[hopeless08]

I almost feel as if this is the one thing that can't be truly avoided, and is the thing that's stopping me the most. The best you could do is slowly distancing yourself, but even then it's likely the people around you will be hurt regardless.

That's the reason why I'm writing a very, very long letter. I want to say goodbye to everyone at an individual level. And other than that, I'm guessing you just have to accept that it's okay to be selfish sometimes.

I think distancing yourself will only hurt them more because they will feel they did something wrong. It's an incredibly difficult situation. I'm going through the same thing and there are no easy answers.