Venting Growing ever weaker in neural turbulence

[void ranger]

I'm scared of living
Constant physical discomfort
Wake up sleep deprived with a hit of dread
Like you're going back to a nightmare you can't escape
See evil in good and good in evil
Feel trapped by existence
And that which makes me who I am keeps shifting and changing seemingly at random
Don't know what's right or wrong
Having good intentions doesn't mean you can't be evil
Everything feels wrong
Everything is fake
The world is run by lies
Hostility is ever-present
And I'm scared to continue
But at the same time I don't even have it that bad
It could always be worse
And sometimes I want it to be
Sometimes I tried to make things better
But no matter how bad or good it gets nothing really changes
The cycle continues and suffering prevails
Sometimes I look at how bad things have gotten for others
And the amount of hell that exists in this world terrifies me
It makes me scared of death
Because even if I don't exist and won't know
Consciousness will continue
And next it might experience a place much worse than where it is for me now
Suffering in ignorance
But maybe it already has
Death might just be a temporary escape
The sheer amount of conscious experience and pointless suffering that is happening makes me scared to roll the dice again
But at the same time eventually I will have to
There's no escape from either life or death
I guess nothing must experience everything and everything must experience nothing
The human experience is fucking shit though, so sick of it
Let's hope that in the infinite expanse of spacetime there's worlds better than this one
Oh how I wish I could see them

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly see it as being something so dreadful and horrific being trapped here in this hellish reality, existence disgusts me with all the endless harm it causes. But I believe that we simply cease existing after this, I see death as being the only relief.