Grossed out by everything and traumatized

[wantingdignity]

Anyone have any depression cleaning tips?

I'm in a cycle of being lazy and unproductive and then spending money I don't have on food just to make sure I eat. Then I run out of money and I don't eat. Then I finally get paid and I spend it on finally buying the things I need. Then the cycle repeats. My take home pay this month was just $1,200. I work full time, but missed a week when I was sick.

I feel disgusting and gross in my house. It feels overwhelming. I feel like it could all be completely spotless and brand new with just 10 hours of work, but even doing 15 minutes a day feels overwhelming.

How impairing is my depression? I slept on the couch for a week because I needed to put on the cleaned bedsheets, but I wanted to sweep the floors first and I needed to pick up items from my floor before that. My dishes don't feel clean unless they are fresh from the drying rack because we had some fruit flies months ago that I already delt with. I have piles of doom all over the house. Piles of dirty laundry are everywhere. I feel like every time I slightly advance us in a cleaner direction, something happens or my roommate takes a turn being the depressed one.

I'm also kind of scared being at home by myself. I usually feel like cutting. I also have an ex that keeps trying to contact me and I'm afraid that he's going to show up unannounced.

I'm a mostly semi functional depressed person at the moment. Would love any advice.

 

[Irisse]

I'm the same way when it comes to cleaning. Have you ever seen the show "How clean is your house"? It is a british tv show about two ladies going around Britain and cleaning dirty houses and flats. It always inspires me to clean everything in my apartment. Maybe it could also help if you reward yourself after a clean up with your favourite treat or a favourite song or a long gaming session.

 

[mushi]

it's easier when you start, but starting is hard. just catching yourself when you're avoiding and making yourself stand still. throwing the tantrum. putting music on. doing multiple things i.e putting a load of washing on while you're cooking something. but don't beat yourself up about it it's pretty hard. there's a literal spoon on my kitchen floor right now that the cats knocked over that I'm ignoring. you're working full time which is fucking amazing. it made me laugh that you slept on the couch for a week instead of putting your sheets on lol, you sound stubborn which is awesome. it also sounds like a lot happening with the cutting/ex which is probably taking up your brain space and energy which is what you'd use to clean.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Because I have pain in multiple joints i tend to clean my apratament 1 or 2 rooms per day. This way i keep my apartament clean. If i dont clean my apartament in just 2 or 3 weeks it will be filled with cobwebs and spiders - the ones with extremely long legs and tiny bodies, which are luckily harmless nonpoisonous.