Grooming, hyper sexuality.

[lainsito]

When I was 12, I started talking to a girl via online. We didn't really talk that much, one day, she told me that she was lesbian and I told her that i might be into girls. After the whole conversation, she asked me for pics and videos, I wanted to decline, but couldn't, so I proceeded. Afterwards, I blocked her, but I was so in shock of what I did and disgusted about myself.

Since probably that I was 11 I started watching adult content, which totally was my fault. When I got groomed, it was worse. I couldn't stop thinking about sex or things like that, I am disgusted by myself yet. Til this day I have this problem, and I am trying to stop.

Was it my fault? No idea.

 

[ScholarOfDespair]

I am very sorry that you went through that. Of course its not your fault. You were at an age where it's easy to get manipulated into doing such things. I hope you find healing from this traumatic experience.

 

[NutOrat]

Absolutely not your fault, it's awful when that's done to children that young. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I won't go into details, but I got introduced to all the adult stuff as early as 5 y/o by a "friend" neighbor kid who was only a year or so older than me. Later on I put two and two together from all the context that he was most definitely groomed by his own dad, so I can't blame him much. There was other stuff, but I don't want to say details, basically, I have developed fixation on these things as well and have also been disgusted by myself for a very long time.

Best thing you can do is realize it isn't your fault, and try to forgive yourself and your circumstances, if possible, and accept yourself the way you are now. At least that's what I'm trying to do.