Grief making me want to CTB

[oblivion_seeker]

Is anyone considering CTBing because of grief? Or more specifically, guilt and regret caused by this grievance?

I lost my ex partner in March, and yesterday was his inquest. He was the love of my life and my soulmate, but I treated him awfully, especially nearing the end of our relationship. His death was concluded as an accidental drug overdose (a combination of opiates, benzos, pregablin and others). I honestly feel like if I treated him better I could have saved him. Life feels so bleak and pointless without him here - even though we broke up we were together for 4 1/2 years, he was my first partner and I always felt like we'd find our way back to each other. But we both suffered majorly with our mental health and that made things toxic, especially on my side. It doesn't help that his family blame me to an extent for his death, which to be honest I kind of understand.

But yeah, ever since it happened part of me is terrified of dying suddenly and the other part sees it as the only way to be reunited with him and stop this pain - it changes frequently. I am 22 and my partner was 25.

 

[lonelymountaingirl]

Mine could sort of have a similar rationale;

mine is some of mourning a life I could have had but is impossible now for temporal reasons long since passed.

 

[lost guy]

Mine desire to ctb is based on grief of losing my gf of 11 years. Although she is still alive, she has no plans of getting back together. Not only did I lose her, but I lost my home, pets, and her little sister we adopted.

 

[dropdeadfred]

I have much grief which is a major part of my choice to CTB. I simply cannot forgive myself for a few things I have done.

 

[BrokenAlien]

Is anyone considering CTBing because of grief? Or more specifically, guilt and regret caused by this grievance?

I lost my ex partner in March, and yesterday was his inquest. He was the love of my life and my soulmate, but I treated him awfully, especially nearing the end of our relationship. His death was concluded as an accidental drug overdose (a combination of opiates, benzos, pregablin and others). I honestly feel like if I treated him better I could have saved him. Life feels so bleak and pointless without him here - even though we broke up we were together for 4 1/2 years, he was my first partner and I always felt like we'd find our way back to each other. But we both suffered majorly with our mental health and that made things toxic, especially on my side. It doesn't help that his family blame me to an extent for his death, which to be honest I kind of understand.

But yeah, ever since it happened part of me is terrified of dying suddenly and the other part sees it as the only way to be reunited with him and stop this pain - it changes frequently. I am 22 and my partner was 25.

Hi, I think it would really help to talk to each other a little bit. I lost my fiance/ex just this weekend and I have been crushed. I'm also being blamed by the family, and feeling so much regret on my end that I don't even know if I can keep trying to make it through this irrevocable event. I also had a toxic relationship with him, which went back and forth and it hurt like hell and I had to leave which led him to that choice. I'm right there on yearning to be reunited. I just really relate to your post, and if you would like to talk to me I'd really like to talk to you.

 

[_Kaira_]

There's many things I grieve over. Some majorly big things, some things so miniscule you'd think it wouldn't matter. My problem is letting things go. Instead, it builds up and hangs on my shoulders every day. I wish I could forgive myself for everything, whether I caused things to happen or not.

 

[oblivion_seeker]

Hi, I think it would really help to talk to each other a little bit. I lost my fiance/ex just this weekend and I have been crushed. I'm also being blamed by the family, and feeling so much regret on my end that I don't even know if I can keep trying to make it through this irrevocable event. I also had a toxic relationship with him, which went back and forth and it hurt like hell and I had to leave which led him to that choice. I'm right there on yearning to be reunited. I just really relate to your post, and if you would like to talk to me I'd really like to talk to you.

I'm so sorry you've been through something so similar. If you want to talk about this further I'm only a message away, would be nice to have someone who can relate to what I'm going through xx

Mine could sort of have a similar rationale;

mine is some of mourning a life I could have had but is impossible now for temporal reasons long since passed.

I'm really sorry to hear this. Grief really is the hardest emotion.

I'm so sorry you've been through something so similar. If you want to talk about this further I'm only a message away, would be nice to have someone who can relate to what I'm going through xx


I'm really sorry to hear this. Grief really is the hardest emotion.

There's many things I grieve over. Some majorly big things, some things so miniscule you'd think it wouldn't matter. My problem is letting things go. Instead, it builds up and hangs on my shoulders every day. I wish I could forgive myself for everything, whether I caused things to happen or not.

Sorry to hear this. I can relate a lot. Shame and regret are such horrible things to live with

Hi, I think it would really help to talk to each other a little bit. I lost my fiance/ex just this weekend and I have been crushed. I'm also being blamed by the family, and feeling so much regret on my end that I don't even know if I can keep trying to make it through this irrevocable event. I also had a toxic relationship with him, which went back and forth and it hurt like hell and I had to leave which led him to that choice. I'm right there on yearning to be reunited. I just really relate to your post, and if you would like to talk to me I'd really like to talk to you.

I've messaged you!

I have much grief which is a major part of my choice to CTB. I simply cannot forgive myself for a few things I have done.

So sorry to hear this. I can definitely relate. Feels like the only way to repent is to die

Mine desire to ctb is based on grief of losing my gf of 11 years. Although she is still alive, she has no plans of getting back together. Not only did I lose her, but I lost my home, pets, and her little sister we adopted.

I'm so sorry, tbh this was kinda me last year when my ex was still alive. Together we were such a bad combination and I couldn't commit. Fuck do I feel guilty now. I lost my cat with him too but he moved in with me and my family when died. But yeah I'm sorry you've been through something similar