Discussion Got really close today

[ThatStateOfMind]

I got insanely close today. I've been struggling with a breakup recently. Nothing I really wish to talk about right now, as it's an emotional topic for me.

Anyways, onto my main points. I got insanely close to committing today, it was like I was in a trance, and I don't remember much, I was testing partial and I got really close to passing out but it's like it suddenly hit me, what I was doing.

I still live with my mom and she was away today, and it hit me that she would find my body, and my friend would be crushed. He already cried because I told him how suicidal I felt yesterday (he's a fairly emotional dude and I'm one of the closest friends he has), and I couldn't keep going. I was seconds from passing out and my mom would've been gone for hours, I could've done it and likely succeeded but I can't bring myself to.

I guess I'll stay here for longer, but I still feel like my time is drawing nearer. It'll also definitely crush my ex but I don't care anymore. I feel pushed to this point by her anyways. I still care about her and I still love her, but she's no longer a major part of my life by her own decision. Anyways, I just wanted to vent that out.

I hope you wonderful people have a good night!

 

[bennydiazapine]

You did better then me, I had a good crack at suspension after my OD attempt failed. I could get myself to the point of asphyxiation, but I couldn't bring myself to hold the pressure there.

I'm sorry that you couldn't find the peace you were looking for, but think you made the right decision in terms of your mother finding you.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Wishing you strength. I hope the pain of the recent breakup can abate at least somewhat with some more time.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

You did better then me, I had a good crack at suspension after my OD attempt failed. I could get myself to the point of asphyxiation, but I couldn't bring myself to hold the pressure there.

I'm sorry that you couldn't find the peace you were looking for, but think you made the right decision in terms of your mother finding you.

Yeah, I think so too. I wouldn't want to find her like that, so I wanna try to spare her from that if possible.

Wishing you strength. I hope the pain of the recent breakup can abate at least somewhat with some more time.

I'm sure it will. It's just that small things happen and it makes all the memories and feelings rush back. Even a simple drive past somewhere we used to go a lot can send me into a bad place mentally but I'm doing a little better now, hours later.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least the fact that you got close to succeeding means that you have that method as an option for when the time is right for you to leave. I envy those with the courage for hanging, to me it sounds like such a difficult and risky method but anyway best wishes.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

At least the fact that you got close to succeeding means that you have that method as an option for when the time is right for you to leave. I envy those with the courage for hanging, to me it sounds like such a difficult and risky method but anyway best wishes.

If I had better options to consider, I would but this is the best I have with limited resources. I hate all the events that have led me to this point but I can't change it now. Best wishes to you as well.