Got my SN taken away by the police

[nitrogenous]

You're correct, they don't care. It's just a thing they say because it's polite to say. I've had even friends and family say this and then go on to treat me horribly. They don't give a single fuck.

Some of it is them convincing themselves they do care so they can tell themselves they aren't bad people. But it's just ego serving, they really don't give a shit.

And they can't imagine our suffering either. They truly can't comprehend it. They themselves go through life in a kind of surface way, because nothing bad enough happens to them to make them understand. They get little boo boo 'oh my life was a struggle for three years and it was soooo hard uWu.

Or, terrible shit happens to them, but they cling to religion, denial, or some other absurdity.

They truly do not and cannot understand how we feel and have no concept of suffering.

Exactly, they think they know it all, but how can they say those things when they've lived a decent life with support around them? I got told idk what I'm doing being young and wanting to end it all when I have so much future ahead of me… Well, have you considered that I'm on the verge of literally being on the streets and even getting deported of a country? That's not a burden someone as young as me should have to carry.

Unfortunately, humans are inherently selfish. They really don't care about anyone else other than themselves. Of course, I know some do genuinely care, but it's really rare. At least for my case, that's why no one is doing anyone to at least try and help me. They've all given up and me dying wouldn't impact them in any ways.

I know it's very common with helpline volunteers, where they just do that to be seen as a "decent human being" without actually having the compassion and care. They would be like "I also went through xyz but I'm living a good life now". Well good for you I guess, but you are not me and I bet that if they try being me they would probably give up as well.

I used to be very heavily religious, until that was used against me and my suicidality. I got hooked into a cult (or two actually) and that only made me feel so much worse off, thinking about how they're dragging me in this shit and how to even escape the cult. They always hook people in with pretending to help them and care, only to abandon them once they're in the cult and can't escape.

 

[thesighofleaves]

Exactly, they think they know it all, but how can they say those things when they've lived a decent life with support around them? I got told idk what I'm doing being young and wanting to end it all when I have so much future ahead of me… Well, have you considered that I'm on the verge of literally being on the streets and even getting deported of a country? That's not a burden someone as young as me should have to carry.

Unfortunately, humans are inherently selfish. They really don't care about anyone else other than themselves. Of course, I know some do genuinely care, but it's really rare. At least for my case, that's why no one is doing anyone to at least try and help me. They've all given up and me dying wouldn't impact them in any ways.

I know it's very common with helpline volunteers, where they just do that to be seen as a "decent human being" without actually having the compassion and care. They would be like "I also went through xyz but I'm living a good life now". Well good for you I guess, but you are not me and I bet that if they try being me they would probably give up as well.

I used to be very heavily religious, until that was used against me and my suicidality. I got hooked into a cult (or two actually) and that only made me feel so much worse off, thinking about how they're dragging me in this shit and how to even escape the cult. They always hook people in with pretending to help them and care, only to abandon them once they're in the cult and can't escape.

You have a good head on your shoulders. You see the lies, the duplicity, the bullshit. How suffering is only temporary for them.Even made your way out of cults, which is not easy to do on your own. I'm glad you made it out.

I don't have anything to add, really. You're spot on. You get it.

We live in a truly crazy, horrible, insane world.

 

[wine is fine but]

I'm actually ruminating a lot thinking how maybe I should have fought harder when they tried taking the SN to see whether they do have legal rights to take it or whether I had the choice to not have it taken away

no, you should not have

even if they had no authoritah to take it, they do have the authoritah to claim that you are a danger to yourself and call an ambulance on you, with a one way ticket to a psych ward

you do not give them crap. just like out on the road. if you are arrogant to them or tell them give it their best shot for a roadworthy, they will find something wrong on your car. you just smile politely and (if you have brown eyes) give them the sad puppy dog eye look and watch them go through gritted teeth. they are just doing their job, that someone higher above them has forced them to do

i would assume that because you seem to have a history with mental health wards, your name is flagged. there is probably a higher chance the new package might be confiscated, but whether that be 10% or 90%, i obviously do not know

may i ask why you feel that you might be deported?
are you a permanent resident or just on a visa?
i am not a lawyer, but to my understanding having sn is not a criminal offence. it has many uses and it is actually sold in australia, so it cannot be illegal to have. it is illegal to sell it to someone who is not in an appropriate business, with the appropriate paperwork, but since you are buying and not selling, that should not affect you in a legal sense

 

[nitrogenous]

no, you should not have

even if they had no authoritah to take it, they do have the authoritah to claim that you are a danger to yourself and call an ambulance on you, with a one way ticket to a psych ward

you do not give them crap. just like out on the road. if you are arrogant to them or tell them give it their best shot for a roadworthy, they will find something wrong on your car. you just smile politely and (if you have brown eyes) give them the sad puppy dog eye look and watch them go through gritted teeth. they are just doing their job, that someone higher above them has forced them to do

i would assume that because you seem to have a history with mental health wards, your name is flagged. there is probably a higher chance the new package might be confiscated, but whether that be 10% or 90%, i obviously do not know

may i ask why you feel that you might be deported?
are you a permanent resident or just on a visa?
i am not a lawyer, but to my understanding having sn is not a criminal offence. it has many uses and it is actually sold in australia, so it cannot be illegal to have. it is illegal to sell it to someone who is not in an appropriate business, with the appropriate paperwork, but since you are buying and not selling, that should not affect you in a legal sense

Honestly, at first, I denied giving them the SN and they didn't really push it, they just really recommended me to give it to them. I only gave it because of the negotiation of being sent to another hospital instead of my usual one (which would only make things worse). Either way, I was going to be put under the EEA (in Australia this means you have to go with the paramedic/police to the emergency and stay in emergency for at least 6 hours or until you are cleared, and if you go out of the hospital before the time ends you will be brought back in and the timer resets). So, I didn't really have much to lose. Considering how I've been treated in the system, I was also sure I wouldn't get admitted. Even when I had attempted, they still discharged me straight away...

Honestly, with the package, I'm just scared that the police would have notified customs about those kind of packages coming in under either my name/phone/address... I don't know if they actually did though. I guess I will just have to wait and see whether it will be delivered or not... It's giving me so much anxiety waiting for my package to arrive knowing that I could easily have police coming in soon if it ended up being flagged. Some say that I shouldn't worry as "the government doesn't have the budget to monitor me that closely", but then again I know some got welfare checks because of the package.

If it ended up being confiscated, I know they will just send me to the emergency again under the EEA and then send me home straight away. If this happens, I might need to ask DSL themselves to perhaps disguise it as something else that is not similar to what he has put before. However, I don't know if he would be willing to do that as I know we are meant to pretend that we are using it for its intended purposes, so messaging DSL and asking him to put it as something else might put him off and make him block me, and I really can't risk that. I also struggle with putting a fake name or number if it still ends up being delivered to my place, as I live alone and so it would probably still get flagged. If I send it elsewhere, they would ask for my ID when I pick it up, so it might still get flagged from my real name... It's so suffocating knowing I can't do anything about this right now other than wait and hope that it will get delivered okay and quickly. I literally keep on checking my parcel's tracking number, but even if there is an update, unless it's an update about it being delivered, it really wouldn't give me any relief.

I'm still an international under a visa in Australia, but I am currently in a tough position as I can't afford going back to my home country due to safety and wellbeing concerns. My country isn't under a war, so my safety issue is more personal (DFV/abuse related). I didn't get in trouble for possessing SN, they did try to ask if I ordered it off the dark web and I told them "no, I don't do any of those things". They also told me I wasn't in trouble, so I'm not too worried about criminal charges around SN. Mine is more around the fact that I am facing excruciating financial difficulties due to the things that has been happening in my life lately. This includes not being able to pay rent (which puts me at risk of homelessness) and even worse, unable to pay for private insurance. If I am unable to maintain private insurance, as per my visa condition, I would then be deported back to my home country... Hence why I am so stressed out about everything now.

 

[CatLvr]

They actually did that???? WTF
I'm really sorry you had to go through this. I hope you can find some peace.
They shouldn't treat someone who's already in pain like that.

Man alive, no kidding! And I thought the system here in the States sucked ass!

To the OP: Reading your comments here actually angers me. In NO world should someone in as much pain as you are be spoken to like that -- muchless by your medical team. I can't do anything concrete, obviously -- just know my heart breaks for you and I hope you manage to find some help from somewhere ... If it's not to leave this world, then to somehow start healing and feeling better so your life here isn't so difficult. I will light a candle for you this evening, though. And please know you are in my thoughts. I am truly sorry the world has been so unnecessarily cruel to you.

 

[nitrogenous]

Man alive, no kidding! And I thought the system here in the States sucked ass!

To the OP: Reading your comments here actually angers me. In NO world should someone in as much pain as you are be spoken to like that -- muchless by your medical team. I can't do anything concrete, obviously -- just know my heart breaks for you and I hope you manage to find some help from somewhere ... If it's not to leave this world, then to somehow start healing and feeling better so your life here isn't so difficult. I will light a candle for you this evening, though. And please know you are in my thoughts. I am truly sorry the world has been so unnecessarily cruel to you.

Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts, it truly means a lot to me in this very difficult time I do wish that I could really start to heal and have a decent life too, without having to worry about affording a roof over my head and the possibility of getting deported. I hope life has treated you well or at least better, because we all truly deserve to live a good, peaceful life

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I think so too, honestly that's why it feels like everything is hopeless now. People other than my medical team who say "they care" don't actually care. I mean, I'm no one to them anyways. I hate the fact that these people would I still false hope, only to easily say "they didn't know it would turn out this way".

I truly wish that life could get better, but if any, it keeps on getting worse and worse and worse… And now with the possibility of me getting a welfare check for my SN, I'm even more trapped as I really need a way out of my sufferings, but these people without lived experience of suicidality makes it incredibly difficult.

I sincerely hope things do get better. And I hope you'll give it time to get better. But as for your next order of SN, can't you just calculate how many grams you'd need to take and remove that amount once your next order arrives, seal it, and put it aside? Then you can give up the remaining portion if police demand it? Or put all of it into a new container & fill the original one with sea salt or something, are they really going to notice the difference?

 

[nitrogenous]

I sincerely hope things do get better. And I hope you'll give it time to get better. But as for your next order of SN, can't you just calculate how many grams you'd need to take and remove that amount once your next order arrives, seal it, and put it aside? Then you can give up the remaining portion if police demand it? Or put all of it into a new container & fill the original one with sea salt or something, are they really going to notice the difference?

I was honestly thinking of doing this next time if police comes… I only ordered 50g so I would probably need all of it… It's probably safer to just put the sea salt in a similar pouch to the actual SN rather than risking of opening the SN and exposing it to air. I think my biggest risk is definitely having it go through customs. Once that's done, I'm definitely going to make sure that no one would know about it.. For me, having the SN means that I have a backup plan once everything fails (once I'm at that stage of homelessness or deportation) and probably why I have had it for a couple of months without taking it. I guess for this one, if it does go through I'm still going to give my life a chance to get better and if it does come to that desperation, that's when I'm going to take it.

 

[Natbee]

So sorry this has happened to you
I'm over it all too