Venting Got my SN Order Confirmation and slept amazing

[AnonGermany]

Yesterday i received the E-Mail that my SN-Ordner has successfully been paid and will be shipped asap. I just couldn't help myself - i smiled.

I can't really describe whats going on in my head right now, but the feeling is amazing. I've had my .. let's call them "first half assed" attempts in the last 20 years (i think one of my first one was when i was 14 - staying naked outside in the winter night in a forest, while puring water on me), but now, nearly 20 years later... this time it is different.

This time I am not in a position where i run away from things, or hide from responsibilities or fears. I can do anything i want (well, let's say "anything i can afford") in my life right now. Nobody forces me to do anything. I am just.. me. Yet i still want to do this final step, and it feels great.

I haven't slept this great since...i can't even remember.. It's been so long.

 

[conarc]

Yesterday i received the E-Mail that my SN-Ordner has successfully been paid and will be shipped asap. I just couldn't help myself - i smiled.

I can't really describe whats going on in my head right now, but the feeling is amazing. I've had my .. let's call them "first half assed" attempts in the last 20 years (i think one of my first one was when i was 14 - staying naked outside in the winter night in a forest, while puring water on me), but now, nearly 20 years later... this time it is different.

This time I am not in a position where i run away from things, or hide from responsibilities or fears. I can do anything i want (well, let's say "anything i can afford") in my life right now. Nobody forces me to do anything. I am just.. me. Yet i still want to do this final step, and it feels great.

I haven't slept this great since...i can't even remember.. It's been so long.

Funny, I felt the same, especially when it arrived... :) It was such a relief!

From Germany, NRW.

 

[byebyemadworld]

I'm looking into methods right now. Suppose I will feel the same way when I get everything done.

BTW, I'm from Austria.

 

[jonward55]

I felt the same when mine arrived but now I realise that I need to drink it asap so not so happy now but that's how it goes I guess.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I felt the same when mine arrived but now I realise that I need to drink it asap so not so happy now but that's how it goes I guess.

any idea when you'll take it, I'm still targeting end of the year on my end

 

[jonward55]

any idea when you'll take it, I'm still targeting end of the year on my end

Couple of days, maybe next week but won't be long.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

congratz! good luck. looks like i'll have to settle for booze again to get some sleep.

 

[conarc]

I'm looking into methods right now. Suppose I will feel the same way when I get everything done.

BTW, I'm from Austria.

Austrias landscape is so beautiful. I might choose this place to wait for the bus.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Couple of days, maybe next week but won't be long.

Lucky, I was supposed to get a scale delivered but got delivered something else. I was planning to ctb before November at least.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so relieved to have a way to free yourself from this existence, I wish you the best.

 

[Flinch101]

May someone pm me the supplier? I have been having such difficulty. Thank you!

 

[Huggs]

I'm happy to hear about the relief you're feeling. I wish you the best.

 

[AnonGermany]

Funny, I felt the same, especially when it arrived... :) It was such a relief!

From Germany, NRW.

It's gonna take some time to arrive but it's out of my hands now what will happen with it, so i just have to be patient. Gives me enough time to get the rest of the meds next week (which i don't think will be a problem, i know how to talk to docs) and to finish the final preps. So hey, atleast something to work towards and to keep me busy

From Germany, Niedersachsen

May someone pm me the supplier? I have been having such difficulty. Thank you!

Someone forwarded me this supplier so i can't recommend it yet until it arrives to see it for myself

 

[outrider567]

Yesterday i received the E-Mail that my SN-Ordner has successfully been paid and will be shipped asap. I just couldn't help myself - i smiled.

I can't really describe whats going on in my head right now, but the feeling is amazing. I've had my .. let's call them "first half assed" attempts in the last 20 years (i think one of my first one was when i was 14 - staying naked outside in the winter night in a forest, while puring water on me), but now, nearly 20 years later... this time it is different.

This time I am not in a position where i run away from things, or hide from responsibilities or fears. I can do anything i want (well, let's say "anything i can afford") in my life right now. Nobody forces me to do anything. I am just.. me. Yet i still want to do this final step, and it feels great.

I haven't slept this great since...i can't even remember.. It's been so long.

That's how I felt when my Nitrogen actually arrived, and after I set it up---Finally, it was a great sense of true relief, enabling me to have an escape from my lifeless life

 

[jonward55]

Lucky, I was supposed to get a scale delivered but got delivered something else. I was planning to ctb before November at least.

A scale should be easy to get ?

 

[AnonGermany]

That's how I felt when my Nitrogen actually arrived, and after I set it up---Finally, it was a great sense of true relief, enabling me to have an escape from my lifeless life

I especially like that i can do it in my own tempo. Like, i don't have to do it "by monday or else...". Prepare everything, calm, no stress, ready when i am ready.

Having a setup like yours available.. i can only imagine it feeling like a safety net... a "plan B" in case you can't endure it any longer. Must feel good

 

[Deleted member 65988]

A scale should be easy to get ?

I know but my order got mixed up with someone else's, I got a turquoise bracelet instead of a scale. I thought I'd just give to my mom for her birthday in October. scales are cheap anyway.

 

[AnonGermany]

It arrived just now. It feels really weird to receive a delivery like that while wearing the "everything is fine, dont mind me" social mask.

I am still a bit in disbelief that it just came like that, but i know its real due to someone using the same supplier to ctb earlier this week.

No more procastinating i guess. Time to organize the other "ingredients for success" (not ctbing today, i only have the SN so far and no time pressure).

I am feeling good.

 

[SpeedingThroughLife]

Could you PM me the source?

 

[Zaphkiel]

+1 for source please!

 

[AnonGermany]

I am sorry i would not feel good doing that yet. Without proper testing etc.
I dont want to give anyone false hopes and/or be the cause of a failed attempt.

I have to write this "statement" here due to Multiple requests via PM already.