Goodbye

[r2d2020]

I posted earlier in the week about CBT and tonight is the night. I've made all my preparations, my hypoxia device is loaded and ready to go. I've added a few fail safe measures to mitigate any issues that may arise. First is reducing anxiety and SI with benzos. I've been taking low doses all day and will take a larger dose an hour before. I need to be careful since I need to be lucid enough to correctly put on my mask. I've added extra straps to secure the mask, a chin strap and done several strong positive pressure tests and the fit is excellent, with no leaks! I am also strapping my legs in case there's any body movement and the last thing I will do is secure my hands to nylon belt around my waist to ensure my arms can't move about and to prevent the chance of me removing the mask before I pass out. Even with all these bases covered I know there's still a risk if things go wrong, however that's pretty much the case with any method. I will still have SN as a backup should any complications arise tonight.

I plan on starting the process before midnight. I may post on my tablet as I go through the process, but only if I can keep my anxiety low. I haven't posted much here, but tried to offer help in a way that I felt I could. In the end all I wish for is all of our of our needless pain in suffering to end, by all I mean humankind.

That's all for now...

 

[Xerneas]

May you finally be at peace. Godspeed.

 

[return2dreamland]

whatever may happen to you, i'm truly wishing you the best. <3

 

[lostmyself]

May you be at peace.

 

[Sans]

I'm so sorry things had to end this way.

If things don't work and you're still alive, please let us know.

Otherwise, I wish you peace, and that things are better on the flip side, wherever that may be.

 

[Bullit]

I hope you have peace and don't suffer!!

 

[hendry]

I wish you peace. I don't know if the option you chose is effective. You must have your reasons. luck, fellow who suffers this same humanity.

 

[newave3]

Hope your transition to a better place goes smoothly and you find peace.

 

[Seiba]

I wish you peace. I don't know if the option you chose is effective. You must have your reasons. luck, fellow who suffers this same humanity.

Considering all that was wrote about it seems he thought it through. It is a unique method though.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I wish you peace

 

[r2d2020]

Thanks everyone for the kind words, getting closer. Making final preparations. My SO is out of town, returning tomorrow. It's just me and the cats which will be well fed before I head to CTB. Still feeling that it's right time, just a couple hours more. More than all my other numerous, serious attempts (spanning 20 years) I am feeling oddly curious about what's next, most likely nothing, but some thoughts there could be something waiting for me (us) on the other side. Note this does not come from any religious ideologies, thoughts or notions.

 

[Seiba]

Thanks everyone for the kind words, getting closer. Making final preparations. My SO is out of town, returning tomorrow. It's just me and the cats which will be well fed before I head to CTB. Still feeling that it's right time, just a couple hours more. More than all my other numerous, serious attempts (spanning 20 years) I am feeling oddly curious about what's next, most likely nothing, but some thoughts there could be something waiting for me (us) on the other side. Note this does not come from any religious ideologies, thoughts or notions.

Perfectly understandable that you'd be curious about what comes after. It's a common thought.

 

[glad it’s night]

May you have wisdom, strength and peace no matter where your journey leads.

 

[r2d2020]

Heading to my place to CTB. I am doing it inside a tent, in our garage to feel comforable, like I am in the outdoors and also to minimiz the impact to our house and reduce the shock factor. I have a note posted on the tent stating to not enter and just call emergency services. I will be posting out there soon. About one hour to go.
In the tent, getting settled in. Anxiety is up a it with all the prep that I had to do. Will take anther benzo soon. Everything is going according to plan. Will be donning the mask soon. It's feeling real and I am finally feeling a bit of relief.

Almost forgot...I am taking an Ambien, 10mg to further reduce the chance of body movement or seizure. I also took Ondansetron in case of nausea.

 

[r2d2020]

Bezos doing there job. Anxiety is low and Si is under control. 12 AM is ithe manic hour.
Mask in on and tested, just need to connect
Mask in on and tested, just need to connect

Good bye

X

 

[Sinai Silence]

Safe travels friend ❤

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I hope you'll find your peace…..
Safe journey.
I wish it didn't have to end like this….
You deserve to be finally free from your pain.
Good luck

 

[disabledsuicidegirl]

are you still with us? it says you're online. if not, RIP

 

[xkonstantinexx]

I wish you peace. Safe travels..

 

[r2d2020]

I'm Sadly, it didn't work. My oxygen saturation was under 40 for awhile, with a pulse of ony 9t. I'm beginning to think I can't die. A
Sorry pulse of 95

 

[logan]

I'm sorry it didn't work out.
On the other hand, I'm glad you're still here.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm Sadly, it didn't work. My oxygen saturation was under 40 for awhile, with a pulse of ony 9t. I'm beginning to think I can't die. A
Sorry pulse of 95

I'm so sorry it didn't work. Maybe it's a little sign you're not ready yet…..

 

[Meditation guide]

Hello, may I ask what type of device you were using? A debreather?

 

[Bedrock48]

I'm Sadly, it didn't work. My oxygen saturation was under 40 for awhile, with a pulse of ony 9t. I'm beginning to think I can't die. A
Sorry pulse of 95

That's crazy low and definitely surprising, I know at home oximeters aren't 100% accurate but it must've been close.

I'm sorry you presumably didn't get the outcome you wanted. I hope you're feeling ok, please take as good care of yourself as you can.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I have read some of your posts and I wanted to tell you I love your username xxx sending you lots of love xxx

 

[r2d2020]

I'm sorry it didn't work out.
On the other hand, I'm glad you're still here.

At least one of us is!

That's crazy low and definitely surprising, I know at home oximeters aren't 100% accurate but it must've been close.

I'm sorry you presumably didn't get the outcome you wanted. I hope you're feeling ok, please take as good care of yourself as you can.

Correct, most oximeters aren't highly accurate under 70, however I did have some numbness/tingling in my extremeties, just no tunnel vision. Sadly I have a high SI. I've experienced Hypoxia at altitudes above 20000' and I discovered a while back during a blood panel that mu blood holds more oxygen that the what is considered normal. Maybe this isn't the best method for me, could also mean SN may not be as well. :(

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go the way you wanted. I wish you well.

 

[r2d2020]

I'm so sorry it didn't work. Maybe it's a little sign you're not ready yet…..

I've been ready for over 20 years, I am just hsrd to kill, be it accidents, mountain climbing or by CTB by 'other' methods;-)

are you still with us? it says you're online. if not, RIP

Still her, may have been close,just not close enough. Still tying to figure out what went wrong.
As some of you have may already know my attempt late last evening wasn't successful. I tested all my connections before dissembling my device and found no leaks with aseveral positive pressure tests. I did learn a few things, one is that moisture wasn't and issue, just felt like breathing warm humid air. Heat from the reaction was also fine since I was in a cool place around 60F. My breathing was normal and regular. My debreather is my own design and has a large reservoir to account for my large lung capacity. I found when I reached 40-45% Spo2 that I could start passing out, however tacycardia kicked in at that point and since I also have a high max BP for my age (it's 190 and I am over 50). so that may have have been the issue. I love maxing out my HR or runs and have even almost backed out doing so (saw stars), however in this case it's very unpleasant and doesn't feel normal which caused my anxiety to skyrocket. I removed my mask and tried a few more times with the same result. The benzos and ambien were easily overcome by adrenaline, yet another part of our instinct to survive! Not SN is even a viable option at this point unless I can comsume a large amount and ensure most of it's absorbed.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I see. Then I hope you will achieve your main goal. I wish you all the best, but mostly the strength and the patience.