Discussion Goodbye threads. Some thoughts.

[rationaltake]

I find goodbye threads can be difficult to read.

I do feel they should be treated with respect.

I get disappointed when people hijack these threads and start lively off-topic discussions. Somehow it doesn't seem appropriate.

It also bothers me when people start asking the departing member about sources and methods. It's ok if the member concerned wants to volunteer this info but I feel it should be led by that member. It is their thread after all.

I have also seen a suggestion that there should be a separate section for goodbye threads. Seems good to me. What are your views on this?

 

[Sherri]

I agree with you on this, it should be a moment of respect and make sure the person really want to do it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not think it is necessary for there to be a seperate section for goodbye threads personally. I agree that people should not discuss other things in goodbye threads, all the focus should be on the op. It does come across as disrespectful if someone does this. People can create their own threads if they want to discuss something else.

 

[Flying Away]

I find goodbye threads can be difficult to read.

I do feel they should be treated with respect.

I get disappointed when people hijack these threads and start lively off-topic discussions. Somehow it doesn't seem appropriate.

It also bothers me when people start asking the departing member about sources and methods. It's ok if the member concerned wants to volunteer this info but I feel it should be led by that member. It is their thread after all.

I have also seen a suggestion that there should be a separate section for goodbye threads. Seems good to me. What are your views on this?

Spot on. It's a personal thing and should be shown the respect it is due.

 

[Julgran]

Treating people with decency should be one of our mottos

 

[ket]

it's all kind of a drag really. if someone's last connection with their consciousness and worldly existence is going to be shared on a lousy internet forum vs among friends and family, people might as well have the decency to be kind.

 

[xLosthopex]

Totally agree
I made a post about this subject in the forum suggestions section saying I think these comments should be reported + deleted

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

I feel that a separate area for goodbye threads would be a prime target for pro-lifers that spy on the forum ie. they would scour that section of the forum like flies attracted to honey to try to use against SS and make it seem like a pro-death forum rather than pro-choice.

 

[rationaltake]

Totally agree
I made a post about this subject in the forum suggestions section saying I think these comments should be reported + deleted

Yes. I remember it. I agree.

I feel that a separate area for goodbye threads would be a prime target for pro-lifers that spy on the forum ie. they would scour that section of the forum like flies attracted to honey to try to use against SS and make it seem like a pro-death forum rather than pro-choice.

Good point.

 

[Chinaski]

I've remarked on goodbye threads before in greater detail but for all of the bullshit "Emma Davis" spouted in that NYT piece she was sadly accurate re goodbye threads in that you become absolutely desensitised to them after a while.

I personally have seen too many that have proven to be fake for a variety of reasons and so tend to stay clear but the research questions are frankly appalling and considering how much this place puts an emphasis on compassion, empathy, safe haven etc this certainly goes against that ethos when 'dont_fear_the_reaper_69' pops up to say IF YOU'RE STILL ALIVE CAN YOU TELL ME HOW LONG IT TOOK BEFORE U GOT BELLYACHE etc, and these posts should definitely be removed.

I will also add here that l personally find the identikit responses ("godspeed, hope you find peace" etc) to be such an entrenched house style that they read like out-of-office replies at times and this also makes me a tad uncomfortable, but l suspect that's a minority view.

 

[Pluto]

The problem is that certain people in the process of trying to overcome SI deliberately desensitise themselves to the tragedy of human death and suffering.

For example, someone recently commented that it is 'cool' to see our fellows here pass away. This mentality gives ammunition for the site's detractors and dilutes the sense of compassion and understanding that makes this website a lifeline of support for many.

 

[cambrai33]

I think in the Pro Choice vain if the person states they happy to talk about the detail then fine, however for me I will say what I wish to talk about or not at the beginning

This my goodbye thread and in the most polite way you can go fuck yourselves if you think to have a say in how I want to say goodbye

I've remarked on goodbye threads before in greater detail but for all of the bullshit "Emma Davis" spouted in that NYT piece she was sadly accurate re goodbye threads in that you become absolutely desensitised to them after a while.

I personally have seen too many that have proven to be fake for a variety of reasons and so tend to stay clear but the research questions are frankly appalling and considering how much this place puts an emphasis on compassion, empathy, safe haven etc this certainly goes against that ethos when 'dont_fear_the_reaper_69' pops up to say IF YOU'RE STILL ALIVE CAN YOU TELL ME HOW LONG IT TOOK BEFORE U GOT BELLYACHE etc, and these posts should definitely be removed.

I will also add here that l personally find the identikit responses ("godspeed, hope you find peace" etc) to be such an entrenched house style that they read like out-of-office replies at times and this also makes me a tad uncomfortable, but l suspect that's a minority view.

Agreed I find the platitudes slightly nauseous at times but i know they mean well

 

[Chinaski]

The problem is that certain people in the process of trying to overcome SI deliberately desensitise themselves to the tragedy of human death and suffering.

For example, someone recently commented that it is 'cool' to see our fellows here pass away. This mentality gives ammunition for the site's detractors and dilutes the sense of compassion and understanding that makes this website a lifeline of support for many.

See l actually don't think this is an acquired mentality that people adopt to overcome SI - the reason why it dilutes the "compassion and understanding" is because frankly some folk simply do not have it, or at least they don't exhibit it.

I mean, I'm often having shite levelled at me on here for having some kind of empathy deficit but fucking hell, some of the shit we're referring to here often strikes me as completely derelict on a human level and I'm surprised the tone police allow it to pass so frequently.

 

[9BBN]

I'm uncomfortable with the idea that literally any member can comment on a goodbye thread. We see how it turns out. I honestly don't think these kinds of threads should be allowed, even the partners megathread, because the benefits can never outweigh the risks.

But if we're not going to ban goodbye threads, we should at least put them in a different section. Just like how the partners megathread got rid of partners threads in this section, I think a goodbye section would do the same. It could even have a "read before posting" section where posters have to acknowledge important notes and rules. For example, posting a goodbye thread doesn't commit them to their choice. We can also set up rules like no liveblogging, no derailing, and potentially prevent new members from commenting. I also think that anyone who breaks any of these rules specifically for goodbye threads should be additionally penalized by not being allowed to comment on them for some time.

I feel that a separate area for goodbye threads would be a prime target for pro-lifers that spy on the forum ie. they would scour that section of the forum like flies attracted to honey to try to use against SS and make it seem like a pro-death forum rather than pro-choice.

Goodbye threads will always be a "prime target" for pro-lifers whether they have their own section or not. The NYT sifted through them when they were scattered anyway. Maybe when the forum goes public after it's out of the spotlight, we can at least hide the goodbye threads section from the public, just like with the partners megathread?

Seriously, what is the reason these threads are allowed despite the risks? I seriously wonder if the mods have some denial about their limitations, because as much as this place is ideologically about empathy and compassion, the current moderation power makes these threads too risky.

 

[ket]

yes but if i'm dying, at least let me have some last minute place to attempt to talk to people who are understanding and won't call the cops. can lock it or whatever after 24 hours if you must.

 

[9BBN]

yes but if i'm dying, at least let me have some last minute place to attempt to talk to people who are understanding and won't call the cops. can lock it or whatever after 24 hours if you must.

I know what you mean, it's a last wish. I just think the risks to the site aren't worth it. Look at the bad press SS got from the NYT. Do you think these goodbye threads have a good look?

 

[persimmontea]

I'm uncomfortable with the idea that literally any member can comment on a goodbye thread. We see how it turns out. I honestly don't think these kinds of threads should be allowed, even the partners megathread, because the benefits can never outweigh the risks.

But if we're not going to ban goodbye threads, we should at least put them in a different section. Just like how the partners megathread got rid of partners threads in this section, I think a goodbye section would do the same. It could even have a "read before posting" section where posters have to acknowledge important notes and rules. For example, posting a goodbye thread doesn't commit them to their choice. We can also set up rules like no liveblogging, no derailing, and potentially prevent new members from commenting. I also think that anyone who breaks any of these rules specifically for goodbye threads should be additionally penalized by not being allowed to comment on them for some time.


Goodbye threads will always be a "prime target" for pro-lifers whether they have their own section or not. The NYT sifted through them when they were scattered anyway. Maybe when the forum goes public after it's out of the spotlight, we can at least hide the goodbye threads section from the public, just like with the partners megathread?

Seriously, what is the reason these threads are allowed despite the risks? I seriously wonder if the mods have some denial about their limitations, because as much as this place is ideologically about empathy and compassion, the current moderation power makes these threads too risky.

Agree, locking to only registered users sounds like the safest bet. Adding another layer of security and only allowing accounts over a certain age or message level to view and comment could work too, to discourage noobs and prolifers from snooping, derailing, or asking dumb questions.

Why no "live blogging" though?

 

[ket]

I know what you mean, it's a last wish. I just think the risks to the site aren't worth it. Look at the bad press SS got from the NYT. Do you think these goodbye threads have a good look?

i think it's an important way to provide comfort to someone who may otherwise not have any.

 

[9BBN]

i think it's an important way to provide comfort to someone who may otherwise not have any.

Yeah and the partners megathread is "an important way to provide partners for someone who may otherwise not have any." That doesn't mean the benefits outweigh the risks. But agree to disagree.

 

[motel rooms]

I know what you mean, it's a last wish. I just think the risks to the site aren't worth it. Look at the bad press SS got from the NYT. Do you think these goodbye threads have a good look?

I don't think we should worry too much about antagonizing the enemies of this forum. You can't appease someone who thinks you're evil incarnate & is determined to destroy you. Just my 2 cents...

 

[9BBN]

Why no "live blogging" though?

If goodbye threads are supposed to be about comfort, live blogging makes it more about research. It's not a good look, it's unnecessary, it begs for thread derailment about methods, and the biggest risk is misinformation. I'm not a veteran user but it seems like many veteran users agree that lots of scams start with a fake live blogging. Then the rest of the story is hidden in someone's PMs talking about a fake source.