Goodbye threads need to be banned

[INTJme]

It's absolutely ridiculous how some people try to influence those attempting ctb. Why can't you just leave them alone?

Everyone attempting ctb knows we are here for support but their autonomy should not be questioned! We all have a right to self-determination and anyone attempting ctb knows they can back out at the last moment if they don't feel ready. These replies on threads complimenting how someone's so sweet and they should reconsider influences someone who's already in a vulnerable state! And chances of something going wrong rises multifold. In such a scenario, who will take the responsibility?

Guys, grab a book on psychology if you think those who're resolute will do it anyway and the replies don't matter. If the replies don't matter and the person attempting ctb knows they have autonomy, why are you even replying to their thread ffs? To show support, you can just use reactions.

This needs to stop. Ban such threads with immediate effect before something goes really wrong with someone. Why is it even allowed in the first place? Makes no sense!

@RainAndSadness

 

[Deleted member 8119]

I see your point. We are considered pro-suicide because this threads cause an extremely wrong impression, they look like pushing a vulnerable person down the last stair. I'm sure it would reduce the targeting of this forum.

Guys, grab a book on psychology if you think those who're resolute will do it anyway and the replies don't matter. If the replies don't matter and the person attempting ctb knows they have autonomy, why are you even replying to their thread ffs? To show support, you can just use reactions.

The only part I'm not sure about is this one. I think someone who planned for weeks and fully intends to die is pretty hard to influence.

 

[AnonymousL]

Everyone attempting ctb knows we are here for support but their autonomy should not be questioned! We all have a right to self-determination and anyone attempting ctb knows they can back out at the last moment if they don't feel ready. These replies on threads complimenting how someone's so sweet and they should reconsider influences someone who's already in a vulnerable state! And chances of something going wrong rises multifold. In such a scenario, who will take the responsibility?

People need to stop commenting to reconsider but goodbye threads shouldn't be banned imo as they thelp a person to say goodbye.

Its miserable to ctb and know ur alone, nobody to share this decision with.

 

[INTJme]

I agree. We are considered pro-suicide because this threads cause an extremely wrong impression, they look like pushing a vulnerable person down the last stair. I'm sure it would reduce the targeting of this forum.


The only part I'm not sure about is this one. I think someone who planned for weeks and fully intends to die is pretty hard to influence.

SI exists no matter how resolute someone is. If someone is not ready, SI is enough to stop them. We shouldn't be adding more weight to that and make people's decisions more difficult than it already is.

People need to stop commenting to reconsider but goodbye threads shouldn't be banned imo as they thelp a person to say goodbye.

Its miserable to ctb and know ur alone, nobody to share this decision with.

I know and personally, I would also like to have goodbye thread. But how do you stop people from posting shit that aims to influence and confuse the OP?

In the entire last thread, I was merely reacting to OP's messages with hugs and hearts to show support but I lost my cool when people literally started to influence their decision, complimenting them for their sweetness and outrightly asking them to reconsider. This needs to stop.

 

[iloverachel]

I understand your points and your concern but often times people who make goodbue threads suffer from isolation and loneliness

The user who took SN recently was all alone in a forest by herself at midnight and I'm sure interacting with some of us makes her feel like we are here with her so she doesn't have to leave the world alone

 

[teajay1]

i don't know man, in the specific thread you're talking about i don't see anybody specifically asking or demanding her to reconsider, just questioning if she's serious about this. i see nobody directly trying to influence her autonomy.

imho i think you started a chain of unwanted negativity in somebody's time of final comfort with that outburst.

anyways, would banning goodbye threads as a whole really be a solution to this? i don't think so

 

[NSA]

The idea is that when someone does it, that they are resolute. If well meaning words on a forum from people 100s of miles away from them is enough to sway their choice, then they werent ready. And in that goodbye post, she took the stuff anyway, so no influence was even had.

That was hard to watch, but her going through with it when she may not have been truly ready is no one's fault on here. Want to blame someone, blame the pricks that make her having to do it in such a difficult to back out of way aka shit anti choice policies and their supporters.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I think you're painting this in a more extreme light than what actually happened. People weren't asking to reconsider or trying to influence, they were just making sure the person was determined to go through with it. She was very sweet and we are all human, no one wants to see a kind person do something they may regret and in the end it was what happened, her last message was she saying she felt regretful even though all the time prior to that she was saying she was calm and talking about her cute plastic cups.

This is not pro suicide and people are allowed to feel something towards a stranger, to feel compassion and wan to make sure the person is fully aware of the consequence to their actions. No one influenced her, she still continued. I just hope she was able to get help in the end...no one should go regretting it...

 

[rozeske]

What we need to do is like a kind member mentioned on another thread let the poster know that it's absolutely ok to change your mind and call for help and that absolutely no one thinks less of them for doing so. Some people might have misguided information about this forum and misinterpret the whole choosing what is best for you thing.

Also some of us need to understand the intentions of goodbye threads and how much they mean to the poster, especially in a world that has forced suicide to be a lonely act. Understanding this we need to stop making the goodbye thread all about us and stop throwing tantrums like a toddler!!! Make use of the pms!

 

[willitpass]

Asking someone if they're sure they want to do something that cannot be undone is not influencing someone's decision, it is asking them to make an important self reflection. Especially if someone expressed they are feeling unsure, a moment of self reflection is important. God forbid we don't WANT people to die. You can respect someone's autonomy and not force people to endure suffering while also wanting people to be sure that they aren't making a decision that isn't right in the moment.

 

[damyon]

People who have resolved to do it will do it anyway as you said. Some people might have no one to share their feelings with.

I think it's similar to Venting threads (huge exaggeration, I know). People can reply with unsolicited "help/advice" which probably misses the point of those threads...

And chances of something going wrong rises multifold.

Just as when the person stays silent, nobody knows what can go right/wrong. As @willitpass noted, the person might be conflicted, and it is okay to ensure they have resolved to do it.

 

[INTJme]

Specimen #1 https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/byebye-thread-sn.158701/post-2442136
#2 https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/byebye-thread-sn.158701/post-2442155
#3 https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/byebye-thread-sn.158701/post-2442168
#4 https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/byebye-thread-sn.158701/post-2442171

Last one is yours. If she weren't serious, she wouldn't have been in that situation. I'm tired of explaining basic psychology to people. Read my original post slowly and carefully. Also read a book on psychology or at least google how influence works. Therapists literally use words to influence people and make them better.

i don't know man, in the specific thread you're talking about i don't see anybody specifically asking or demanding her to reconsider, just questioning if she's serious about this. i see nobody directly trying to influence her autonomy.

imho i think you started a chain of unwanted negativity in somebody's time of final comfort with that outburst.

anyways, would banning goodbye threads as a whole really be a solution to this? i don't think so

 

[teajay1]

you're acting as if "are you sure" is the same thing as "you need to stop.". nobody was trying to manipulate her autonomy. and i hate to be negative about things on such a supportive site but how much of a big deal you're making this, and how little care you have for a 20 year old girl who died with her final message being "I feel regretful", makes me extremely sick to the stomach. not to mention the negativity you were putting in that thread during her final moments. shame on you, i know you know better

 

[INTJme]

you're acting as if "are you sure" is the same thing as "you need to stop.". nobody was trying to manipulate her autonomy. and i hate to be negative about things on such a supportive site but how much of a big deal you're making this, and how little care you have for a 20 year old girl who died with her final message being "I feel regretful", makes me extremely sick to the stomach. not to mention the negativity you were putting in that thread during her final moments. shame on you, i know you know better

If you're expecting to ctb happily, singing and dancing away into the abyss, you're in for a rude shock. What some of you guys did was nothing short of those creeps that comment utter bs during someone livestreaming their ctb attempt. There are other ways to show support instead of questioning them. Of course people will feel regretful, they're going against their SI. Which is why I ask you to read a book before trying to virtue signal and vilify me for legit being the only person on this thread that is speaking in terms of logic and facts instead of sentiment.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

you're acting as if "are you sure" is the same thing as "you need to stop.". nobody was trying to manipulate her autonomy. and i hate to be negative about things on such a supportive site but how much of a big deal you're making this, and how little care you have for a 20 year old girl who died with her final message being "I feel regretful", makes me extremely sick to the stomach. not to mention the negativity you were putting in that thread during her final moments. shame on you, i know you know better

I agree wholeheartedly. That was a young girl that in the end turned around said she was regretful. It's a life that may be now gone when she changed her mind. That thread shouldn't have been hijacked with complaints when those could have been her final moments. Everyone was there for her, doing there best to show support and making sure she was aware of what she was doing. OP you were quite heartless in that regard, using that thread to vent your own frustrations at a time when it wasn't about you and those frustrations aren't justified.

This site may get a lot of goodbye threads but let's not forget there is a person behind that thread, a person in their last moments that is physically alone doing what is unthinkable for most. They deserve to have that moment be about them

 

[UKscotty]

Why shouldn't people make other suggestions? If someone is ready they will CTB no matter what other people says.

If what someone says makes them reconsider then that's only a good thing, surely? We are pro choice not pro death.

A life saved should always be celebrated.

 

[teajay1]

Which is why I ask you to read a book before trying to virtue signal and vilify me for legit being the only person on this thread that is speaking in terms of logic and facts instead of sentiment.

wow. just this sentence speaks for its self. the amount of doubling down is insane. this is making me sick

 

[bed]

locking the thread. i shouldn't have to say this but please don't derail someone's final goodbye post.

 

[RainAndSadness]

So you've been here for 10 days and you already want to tell me how to run my forum. Okay.

And no, we're not gonna ban goodbye threads and deprave people of their chance to say their final goodbye to their friends in this community. That's exactly the kind of censorship I don't want on my forum. As others already pointed out, do you know how cruel it is to force people to leave in complete silence, without being able to say goodbye to the people in this community, without being able to say goodbye to anyone? Because that's gonna be the consequence of your suggestion. People will die alone, and yes they already do that physically but here they experience some emotional support during their last moments. That's a privilege so many people around the world who take their own life don't have.

And people form strong bonds in this forum and if they want to say goodbye and openly talk about their final moments in some way, they have every right to do that. Because these are gonna be the most important last moments of their life so it should be all be about them - and not you. Okay. What's the problem? Why do you want to tell people how they're supposed to leave and how does that "save" lives? Why shouldn't people be allowed to talk about their last moments of their own fucking life and receive some empathy and compassion before they leave - something they can't do out there because opening up would result in immediate involuntary psychiatric intervention. Most members don't want that, that's why they decide to open up here in this forum instead, which acts as their safe space, with mind-liked people who understand and recognise the importance of their decision, mind-liked people who aren't going to invalidate, patronize and gaslight them on their way out and make them feel horrible.

I think having a moment of recognision is very important for members and taking away space to do that from people who want to say goodbye, who don't want to leave in silence, who want to talk about their final moments would be extremely cruel in my opinion and go against everything this forum stands for. I mean, I wouldn't want to die alone either and I was one of the people who posted a goodbye thread years ago myself when I attempted to ctb.

What's important to point out though is that we always take severe action towards members who act inappropiately in such threads. For example, any kind of suicide encouragement or derailing is not tolerated. But recognising and respecting someone's decision - and that's what the majority of members do in these threads - is completely appropiate given it's the last moments of a living human being.

I hope I was able to explain to you where I'm coming from and why this forum has a different culture when it comes to suicide and saying goodbye.