Goodbye thread sadman

[Linda]

I'm glad you have managed to find a way forward. (And I'm very glad you didn't jump from 7 storeys. I have been worrying about that ever since my last post to you.)

 

[rozeske]

Happy for you. That is the best possible out come of an attempt. I wish you the best in your future journey. I hope the rest works out the way you want it.

 

[sadman710]

My other serious attempt was a month or two ago. I did full suspension and caught the ladder at the last minute.

I do admit, while absolutely nothing compared to others have done to me, I did make mistakes these last two months, but I also understand my mind was in the depths of hell and what had originally led me there, which wasn't organic.

If you see someone you've always seen doing good and respected and fall, listen to them, give em a hand or find someone else to, and see if they can get back up.

Agree. I'm sorry it's come to this, but I find your words very wise. I just hope you'll be free of all pain.
Fly high. This one's for you:

The interesting thing is during the attempt I was wearing a Hvis Lyset Tar Oss shirt.

The album art and meaning behind it is a world of darkness and death, with a small glimmer of light someone hard to find to get out of the darkness.

I'm gonna go take probably the best shower of my life now, given what I went through. I stink lol.

 

[sadman710]

Side story when I was on the street :

I bumped into a convicted murderer gang member on parole who did 20 years.

As he got drunk though that aggression came out. He was coked up a bit and started demanding me to get him booze and started insulting me when we didn't even disagree about anything. Then he threatened to kill me while making a shitty defense, "look me in the eye bullshit".

I put my hand on his shoulder and I said look man, I don't know what's going on but I thought our conversation was good and you were a real dude, and I wasn't judging you about your past because people didn't live your life. But I've been through hell, and dying and humans don't scare me, I've been through that pain. The worst being killed would be that I wouldn't ever suffer again.

He got super quiet, put his head down a bit, and he shook my hand and said thank you for listening to me, I just needed someone to hear my struggles and could understand, and no one but you did that for me... and walked off.

--------

Now that I'm thinking about it, I've had a few situations of these types in public. I don't know what it is about my demeanor or whatever. I've had people who are in these odd positions, hardcore criminals, government (not low level), just these feared edges of society approach me and spill their guts like that in crowds when they could choose hundreds or thousands of other people. I don't know what it is but now this has me thinking. I don't have tattoos or an extroverted persona. I just look like a metalhead. In public I keep to myself.

 

[alltoomuch2]

Hey guys. Yesterday's experience was a changing day for me. I decided if I'm going this far, why not anything else. I went to the 7 storey garage and also a 190 ft bridge, that had a slight chance of landing on someone if you didn't take the time and watch and possibly have someone grab you.

It was the most life changing experience I've ever had. I backed out. Literally seconds away from both. Put my hands on the ledge. I could've been a goner right now.

I said you know what if I'm this far ill do anything else.

I went to some family friends in the middle of the night and spilled my guts out and told them everything that happened to me including my hanging and jumping attempts, how I'm fucked over.

It was extremely emotional. They said they never would've thought someone like me would ever reach that point.

They agreed to help me through all of this hell and get me back in track to a normal existence and out of my abuse.

This taught me a lot. If you're gonna make a big move of CTB, don't be afraid to step beyond social norms to exhaust all options of help and every avenue out.

I've gone from a businessman, a health nut with stats that make doctors jealous especially with an autoimmune disease I worked years at to suppress, a chill guy who enjoyed smoking flowers, to living homeless recently and alcoholic. When my entire life until the last few months I rarely drank and never in heavy excess.

It also taught me a lot about suicidal people and made me 10x more compassionate in a non judgmental way. Sometimes people are ran over. Hopeless. Abused. I think for many people CTB isn't irrational. It's an organisms way of escaping torture.

I still think this is a shit world. But I think what makes this place less shitty, are people who show compassion and dont judge others without walking a mile in their shoes. Especially with someone is drowning in an ocean. Possibly from someone who threw them off the boat.

We are all goners without each other. I became so depressed about my nation, this society, my family, my friends and their state, had everything taken from me without my control, dealing with others with sociopathic narcisistic tendencies.

I'm bulletproof after this. I hope you all make it out of it. But if the pain is unbearable and all avenues are exhaused, i understand escaping torture. Its like i crawled out of a thin maze at last minute. Empty bank account, less than 100 miles of gas, didnt eat for 2 days, started having mild alcohol withdrawal.

And unlike judgmental losers who haven't walked a mile in hell or been put in a horrific situation before, it taught me the pain others have that before, despite what I went through, couldve never imagined, and that we need to show others real love and care.


It's all a choice in the end. And if we don't want people destroying themselves this place needs to be different. If I didn't have others. I would've not been making this message now. I would've jumped, hung, crashed my car, starved / thristed to death, or something else horrific.

I love you all and I'm here whatever choice you make.

It was bigger than psychedelic experiences I've had. Yesterday.

I understand. We need to treat each other different and judge less, especially if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

I'm gonna taper off the booze, and work hard to fix my life up the best I can, and uplift others that are struggling without judgment.

We very much need to change the mental health and criminal system. If you haven't walked a mile in their shoes, shut the fuck up.

Thanks for reading.

OMG mate that is so powerful and I'm so glad those people rallied around you and you're still here. I will read this post often. It has really hit home.

 

[tvo]

Good choice, jumping off a 7 story building structure is quite brave, the likelihood of failure is significant, and you do not want to fail at this kind of violent CTB.

All the best with your self realisation, personal growth, empathy/compassion and healing.

 

[Mayonaise]

Once again, I can relate to what you say: when you experience extreme pain, you can either become bitter and resentful (as I was in the past) or more compassionate and understanding. I really wish this is a turning point for you, and send you luck on your journey.
S.