Please just be kind to yourself, no judgement or criticism going to come from this community. You're probably going to feel really down and shaken up for a few days. That's okay, keep in touch here if you feel you are up to it and want to.
Be thinking of you.
I'm sorry it didn't go as expected. I'm curious about what went wrong but, since you mentioned you took the risk despite there being a high chance of hospitalization, I'm going to assume that was the reason.
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