F
Forever Sleep
Earned it we have...
- May 4, 2022
- 8,843
I hope you can be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. It's such a scary thing to do. None of us know how we're going to be when the time comes. I hope you had a good rest.
It's funny, I took a nap first before I tried to do this, but when I woke up, I felt so calm and confident I thought this was it. I had no issues when mixing the SN, or putting the water in. Taking the meds was easy, but when I picked up the glass in my hand... I couldn't do it. Then I was torn between drinking it anyway, or just dumping it out. Dumping out was almost as hard as trying to drink it.Wow, this sounds so real and raw. You were indeed super close to catching the bus. Damn... I can't imagine the emotions you had to go through and what it must of felt like, especially now having this experience as part of your memory
Had you not taken some benzos prior to deal with the SI? Or maybe the time just wasnt right for you.Taking the meds was easy, but when I picked up the glass in my hand...
Sorry to hear. I could imagine it being a difficult step to take. I also want to do SN in the future. Sucks that life brought us to this point. Its such a cruel world and reality we're stuck inIt's funny, I took a nap first before I tried to do this, but when I woke up, I felt so calm and confident I thought this was it. I had no issues when mixing the SN, or putting the water in. Taking the meds was easy, but when I picked up the glass in my hand... I couldn't do it. Then I was torn between drinking it anyway, or just dumping it out. Dumping out was almost as hard as trying to drink it.
The worst part is that I regretted not drinking it almost immediately. I think I'm still afraid because I don't know what's on the other side. In all honesty, I'm partially expecting to face off against an all powerful, sadistic demiurge. I just wish this was easier.
I admire your courage, openness and honesty for sharing this. You are not alone - we are all here to support you. There's identification, too: I have "practised" the Night Night method many times, just haven't made that jump. You did not fail today - you made a conscious choice to delay your CBT. You are stronger than you think!Maybe it's not the right method I don't know but I can't do it. I got so fucking close.
Maybe I'll go out for another cigarette
The cigarette helped calm me down a bit but I still can't do it. I want out so bad but it's hard to do it.
I'm not ready yet. I don't know what I have to do to be ready but I hate this.
I was hoping for it but I didn't find it today unfortunately
You showed great courage in the face of something very difficult. But it wasn't your time yet.It's funny, I took a nap first before I tried to do this, but when I woke up, I felt so calm and confident I thought this was it. I had no issues when mixing the SN, or putting the water in. Taking the meds was easy, but when I picked up the glass in my hand... I couldn't do it. Then I was torn between drinking it anyway, or just dumping it out. Dumping out was almost as hard as trying to drink it.
The worst part is that I regretted not drinking it almost immediately. I think I'm still afraid because I don't know what's on the other side. In all honesty, I'm partially expecting to face off against an all powerful, sadistic demiurge. I just wish this was easier.
I never attempted but I often keep coming back to considering what it'll be like. I just want to echo everyone here who said be kind to yourself, this is not something that's easy to do. One doesn't have to attempt to know it takes a lot to go through with it. I share your fear, and so it's something that should be resolved and made crystal clear before hand.It's funny, I took a nap first before I tried to do this, but when I woke up, I felt so calm and confident I thought this was it. I had no issues when mixing the SN, or putting the water in. Taking the meds was easy, but when I picked up the glass in my hand... I couldn't do it. Then I was torn between drinking it anyway, or just dumping it out. Dumping out was almost as hard as trying to drink it.
The worst part is that I regretted not drinking it almost immediately. I think I'm still afraid because I don't know what's on the other side. In all honesty, I'm partially expecting to face off against an all powerful, sadistic demiurge. I just wish this was easier.
I think it's very normal to hesitate and to be afraid. When you're gone you're gone. You can't reverse that. This wasn't your time to go. Take care of yourself, do something that makes you feel better ā¤It's funny, I took a nap first before I tried to do this, but when I woke up, I felt so calm and confident I thought this was it. I had no issues when mixing the SN, or putting the water in. Taking the meds was easy, but when I picked up the glass in my hand... I couldn't do it. Then I was torn between drinking it anyway, or just dumping it out. Dumping out was almost as hard as trying to drink it.
The worst part is that I regretted not drinking it almost immediately. I think I'm still afraid because I don't know what's on the other side. In all honesty, I'm partially expecting to face off against an all powerful, sadistic demiurge. I just wish this was easier.
Hey, would you be comfortable with me messaging you? I have a question about your obtainmentI'm finally ready. I took the meds and now I'm dissolving the SN in a couple glasses. I've gotten close a few times but not this close.
I've been struggling with wanting to die for 6 years now and it's only gotten worse with time. I don't want to see what kind of hell 2024 might bring. Last year had some good moments in it, but not enough to make up for the bad moments.
I don't want to be alive anymore so I'm ready. The SN is mostly dissolved now so I'm hoping I have time for a smoke first.
I'm not going to say goodbye right this second but in the next few minutes.
I didn't have any benzos and had no good way to get them. It was risky enough just getting the SN and antiemetics, without having to worry about having anything else. I think the time just wasn't right.Had you not taken some benzos prior to deal with the SI? Or maybe the time just wasnt right for you.
I'm not really a fan of discussing sources with people I just recently met, but would rather do that with members I know well already. You could be one of those people maybe if I stick around long enough, but it's okay to send a message if you want.Hey, would you be comfortable with me messaging you? I have a question about your obtainment
It's totally alright to backout. It not as easy as it's made out to be. Don't be so hard on your self. This might not have been your time, things will happen when they happen. Eat up, rest and take a moment to think it through. I wish you all the bestMaybe it's not the right method I don't know but I can't do it. I got so fucking close.
Maybe I'll go out for another cigarette
The cigarette helped calm me down a bit but I still can't do it. I want out so bad but it's hard to do it.
I'm not ready yet. I don't know what I have to do to be ready but I hate this.
Maybe it's not the right method I don't know but I can't do it. I got so fucking close.
Maybe I'll go out for another cigarette
The cigarette helped calm me down a bit but I still can't do it. I want out so bad but it's hard to do it.
I might have enough for 1 glass but that's it. Other than that it's old SN that is too old to really trust in. I had 2 packages of 50 grams but spilled the first one on my digital scale when I tested it so about half is left. The other package is gone.
I dumped it out but struggled just to do that. I'm starving now so I have to eat.
Hello @Lost in a Dream,The worst part is that I regretted not drinking it almost immediately. I think I'm still afraid because I don't know what's on the other side. In all honesty, I'm partially expecting to face off against an all powerful, sadistic demiurge. I just wish this was easier.
Thanks for walking through exactly when you couldn't proceed - I was wondering, as will be in the same situation in a few days.It's funny, I took a nap first before I tried to do this, but when I woke up, I felt so calm and confident I thought this was it. I had no issues when mixing the SN, or putting the water in. Taking the meds was easy, but when I picked up the glass in my hand... I couldn't do it. Then I was torn between drinking it anyway, or just dumping it out. Dumping out was almost as hard as trying to drink it.
The worst part is that I regretted not drinking it almost immediately. I think I'm still afraid because I don't know what's on the other side. In all honesty, I'm partially expecting to face off against an all powerful, sadistic demiurge. I just wish this was easier.
I tried to force it. I got the glass close to my mouth a few times, trying to make myself do it, but it didn't work out that way. When the time comes for you to try it, it's okay to back out and change your mind if you want. Maybe I can try reminding myself that the part of the brain that does this is irrational as well. The next time might be easier for me that way.Thanks for walking through exactly when you couldn't proceed - I was wondering, as will be in the same situation in a few days.
My plan is to rely on the fact that the part of the brain dealing with SI is *really really* stupid and can't be reasoned with, so I'll tell myself that the glass of sn is protection against poisoning, so I should take it before anything bad happens. Never know, might work!
If not, please ignore my reply and accept my apologies please, I'm so foggy and desperate
Sometimes, its as if our body knows what we're trying to do and will stop at nothing to make sure that drink isn't taken.When the time comes for you to try it, it's okay to back out and change your mind if you want. Maybe I can try reminding myself that the part of the brain that does this is irrational as well. The next time might be easier for me that way.
I'm sad to see you go, I remember all the conversations we had in the chat room. You were one of the first people I met on this site. You always had a calm and reassuring presence about you. I'm really going to miss our conversations we had together.