no. no. no no no.
i can't believe she did it. you did it. so you succeeded, i didn't. and after a year i am back here. right now i logged in in the hope that i'd get to talk to you. i can't believe it.
that date... i think i was the last person to talk to her, we were talking and i left the conversation in a hurry, i didn't say anything but i knew, she saw it in me, i didn't need to tell her that i was doing it, she was so smart and understanding, she was incredible, in all aspects, she had an amazing mind. wish i could tell you that i didn't succeed. i am so fucking sorry olga. this fucking world will never know what it lost. you were a great friend, possibly the best i've ever known. thank you for being with me in my hell, i'll never forget our talks, and you will never know how much it all meant to me. some things never change do they? the worst things happen to the best people. i always knew you were smarter than me, apparently much more talented as well. oh my, you did it. you fucking did it. i love you so much. i do.
To whom it may concern:
Happy for you to know that every time I put on lipstick, I trash myself some more.
Vanity hides misery well. The higher the platforms, the lower the fall.
Smeared make-up markets my brand of tragedy.
Used to think there was nothing left. 2 weeks later, I'm sure that my soul is gone.
I know that you won't
I know that you won't miss me
I know that you won't miss me at all
At best: centimeters of ribbon in my hair, days of complacent smiles, that slim curve of a leg.
I exploit whatever charm I have, so you owe your tears to my cracked head.
Slash, clean, heal
Self-destruction is self-respect.
I can repeat this forever
Don't call
Dont't call anyone
Dont call anyone else
but me
— Girl-Shaped Wound
i hope you're in the best of places now, i hope you're having the time of your life. i will think about you till i die, i swear it. and i'll meet you in the next one.
i love you...
