yellowsouled
* Let justice be done.
- Nov 29, 2024
- 193
Hi friends,
Getting my revolver ready. Kinda got a little drunk earlier but mostly sobered up, so drinking a bit again. Acid reflux is a bitch.
+P 38 Special from a little 2in snub nose revolver. Dry fired a few times and expirimenred to see how it worked. Yee.
Got a scheduled text going out to a coworker awhile from now asking them to call police and my address/circumstances (aka where to look). Got my lockscreen set to stuff like no forced life support if I'm brain dead or extremely impaired (I know this won't be inherently accepted, but it's the thought that counts) as well as my parents' numbers. Door is locked and barricaded.
Been in a lot of increasing physical pain lately and mental health has been shot for years. Living in a red state as someone LGBT + unsupportive parents + abusive upbringing + few ambitions or skills + extreme and constantly changing chronic pain = not seeing many reasons to stay. Scared to do it, obviously, but more scared of constant physical pain (especially weird or embarrassing pain — like, TMI, but pretty sure my UTI has gone into a kidney infection or something and it is Deeply Painful, worse than when I had ovarian cysts, and my insurance sucks so no medical stuff).
It's just been a lot. Sorry for the gross stuff and rambling. I haven't eaten in a couples days from physical pain and nerves. Finally did eat tonight because I was going to vomit.
Bit worried that headshot won't do the job, but my guess is even if it doesn't hit brain stem, being drunk (thinner blood) and hopefully not being discovered immediately will help things along. Have a note scheduled to my Tumblr (my main social media my IRLs aren't on) that'll post in a couple weeks if I die (or otherwise am too impaired to delete it from my queue).
Thanks for talking to me for so long. I'm glad we could chat.
Getting my revolver ready. Kinda got a little drunk earlier but mostly sobered up, so drinking a bit again. Acid reflux is a bitch.
+P 38 Special from a little 2in snub nose revolver. Dry fired a few times and expirimenred to see how it worked. Yee.
Got a scheduled text going out to a coworker awhile from now asking them to call police and my address/circumstances (aka where to look). Got my lockscreen set to stuff like no forced life support if I'm brain dead or extremely impaired (I know this won't be inherently accepted, but it's the thought that counts) as well as my parents' numbers. Door is locked and barricaded.
Been in a lot of increasing physical pain lately and mental health has been shot for years. Living in a red state as someone LGBT + unsupportive parents + abusive upbringing + few ambitions or skills + extreme and constantly changing chronic pain = not seeing many reasons to stay. Scared to do it, obviously, but more scared of constant physical pain (especially weird or embarrassing pain — like, TMI, but pretty sure my UTI has gone into a kidney infection or something and it is Deeply Painful, worse than when I had ovarian cysts, and my insurance sucks so no medical stuff).
It's just been a lot. Sorry for the gross stuff and rambling. I haven't eaten in a couples days from physical pain and nerves. Finally did eat tonight because I was going to vomit.
Bit worried that headshot won't do the job, but my guess is even if it doesn't hit brain stem, being drunk (thinner blood) and hopefully not being discovered immediately will help things along. Have a note scheduled to my Tumblr (my main social media my IRLs aren't on) that'll post in a couple weeks if I die (or otherwise am too impaired to delete it from my queue).
Thanks for talking to me for so long. I'm glad we could chat.
