Discussion Good indicators that you’re ready to CTB?

[Deadroom]

I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to articulate this very well this morning as I'm very tired. So bear with me. But what do you guys think is a good indicator that somebody is ready to CBT? As in, we know a lot of suicide attempts fail for various reasons and I am wondering what it is particularly about the successful ones that set up the situation in order for it to have been successful in terms of that persons mentality.
I love the thought of having a plan, calmly setting everything up and passing away peacefully. Of course I think most people prefer that. But sometimes it's hard to imagine doing that and feel like it almost needs to be an impulsive decision because knowing myself I will end up panicking. But then as we know that can also lead to a failure to execute it properly.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

I think we're almost never ready for that. it's anti-natural and our SI kicks in very strongly. speaking from personal experience here.

on my next attempt I'll be literally high on benzodiazepines, by taking the highest dose that doesn't make me sleep, so that's the trick I'mma pull to make it work.

hope truly dies last.

 

[Darkover]

you have to feel it in the body and mind through and through you have to really want the pain to stop and suffering
when your times up your know about it

 

[universe]

This is a very interesting and complex question. I guess it depends on each person but also because these suicidal feelings can always evolve into impulsiveness or "thoughtful/calm" suicide. I have always considered suicide thoughtfully and without impulsiveness. The goal is not to miss the CTB, and to make an attempt only when I am sure that my plan is infallible.
I believe I was fully ready to commit suicide the moment I had my method and everything in my possession. I always wanted to kill myself before I got NS but I don't think I was ready. I had a method, but it was not successful at all: I was simply planning to buy a bottle of H for balloons in stores and a hose with a mask.

I believe there is a real difference between wanting to die and preparing to die. I have a friend who says all the time that he wants to die and thinks about suicide but he has no method, and still wants to do things on Earth: he projects himself. That's why I think he doesn't really want to, he often says he wants to do lots of things before he dies. And he talks about the years to come, that he intends to move...
Preparing to die is radically different in my experience. It's a mixture of everything and anything, calm and madness, instability, sadness, distress but also happiness to know that everything will end, change of thoughts, behaviors. It's above all buying a method at all costs even if it means taking risks at the level of the law, preparing psychologically, setting a date, falling ill because we know that everything is over, feeling the SI. Also, realizing nothing keeps us on Earth anymore but really, and facing death. Let yourself die like a moldy vegetable while waiting for D-Day. And a feeling of letting go because you know you won't be there anymore.

But on D-Day, I still don't know what will happen. Would I be peaceful, would I panic? I don't know yet, anything can happen. But I know I can't stay on Earth anymore, it's visceral. So I think I'll be able to do things peacefully.

 

[wljourney]

good question.
there are probably 1000 answers for this since it's a very individual decision to CTB.

One step closer to knowing that I am ready is to be able to let go of things.
I mean, physical things (stuff) that may have had a purpose or held value to you and you know you won't need it anymore.
Clothes. Momentos. Souvenirs.

Some are harder to part with than others, obviously, but I think that going through your belongings and giving things away (or throwing them out) can be quite a good indicator of how ready you are to leave this world and move on to the next.

 

[FuneralCry]

Maybe it's just a feeling the person has that they know that they are ready to ctb. Like they feel certain, have no more doubts and they have a method in mind that they are prepared to go through with. They have come to terms with the fact that they will die soon, maybe they feel detached from the world around them but of course the answer to the question depends on the individual.

 

[Forever Sleep]

As for preparing the method- that's going to vary a lot depending on what method you have chosen. I suppose even the more impulsive methods like jumping or hanging may still involve a recce to assess the height of barriers, how many people are around, assess fixing points and knots before you actually do it. Some methods like SN require a whole regiment it seems. If you want it to be planned and prepared (as I do- I feel like there's more chance of success that way), I suppose it's a matter of familiarising yourself with all the information you can on your chosen method, sourcing everything you need- including test kits if it's something like SN, then waiting for it to feel right to go through with it.

I kind of view it like every little stage is a way of testing whether you are 'ready' for that feeling. Even joining this site is confirming you are 'seriously' considering it but I think all the formalities leading up to it- and how you feel about it at each point kind of let's you know- making a will, either sorting through belongings or arranging a house clearing service (what I intend to do- far too much crap for me to want to face), possibly pre-paying a funeral, buying the stuff to actually CTB, writing goodbye notes/ delayed emails. I feel like I personally will feel slightly less stressed about it when those matters are taken care of.

I do know what you mean though. I want to feel as least stressed as possible if I ever manage to do it and I definitely feel like preparation is key. I think- if I start freaking out at any stage- then I'll know I'm not quite emotionally ready for it.

 

[makethepainstop]

I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to articulate this very well this morning as I'm very tired. So bear with me. But what do you guys think is a good indicator that somebody is ready to CBT? As in, we know a lot of suicide attempts fail for various reasons and I am wondering what it is particularly about the successful ones that set up the situation in order for it to have been successful in terms of that persons mentality.
I love the thought of having a plan, calmly setting everything up and passing away peacefully. Of course I think most people prefer that. But sometimes it's hard to imagine doing that and feel like it almost needs to be an impulsive decision because knowing myself I will end up panicking. But then as we know that can also lead to a failure to execute it properly.

One way is when you let go of everyone and everything you ever held dear.

 

[cowie]

As for preparing the method- that's going to vary a lot depending on what method you have chosen. I suppose even the more impulsive methods like jumping or hanging may still involve a recce to assess the height of barriers, how many people are around, assess fixing points and knots before you actually do it. Some methods like SN require a whole regiment it seems. If you want it to be planned and prepared (as I do- I feel like there's more chance of success that way), I suppose it's a matter of familiarising yourself with all the information you can on your chosen method, sourcing everything you need- including test kits if it's something like SN, then waiting for it to feel right to go through with it.

I kind of view it like every little stage is a way of testing whether you are 'ready' for that feeling. Even joining this site is confirming you are 'seriously' considering it but I think all the formalities leading up to it- and how you feel about it at each point kind of let's you know- making a will, either sorting through belongings or arranging a house clearing service (what I intend to do- far too much crap for me to want to face), possibly pre-paying a funeral, buying the stuff to actually CTB, writing goodbye notes/ delayed emails. I feel like I personally will feel slightly less stressed about it when those matters are taken care of.

I do know what you mean though. I want to feel as least stressed as possible if I ever manage to do it and I definitely feel like preparation is key. I think- if I start freaking out at any stage- then I'll know I'm not quite emotionally ready for it.

I think this is a good answer. If you start freaking out when making decisions or acquiring supplies, then you may not be ready or it may not be the right answer for you. I feel more assured the more steps I take. I won't rule out the idea that I cancel my plans when the day comes, but I'm already 90% of the way there, so another day may come when I'm fully ready.

 

[Maudlin]

When I was ready I made the attempt. Both times. Of course, I was young and foolish then... so I failed.

When (and if) I'm ready this time, I won't fail. I've lived long enough, and seen enough that I realize it is entirely up to me. I'm at the point that I see dozens of actual ends around me all the time. It's unavoidable. Easy.

A three lbs. pull of my index finger.
An appliance.
The cord next to me.
At least a half-dozen plants that grow within a quarter mile of my house.
Numerous household chemicals that everybody keeps... and then, there's the medicine cabinet.

I can't stop seeing it, everywhere. But here I am, typing away.

Just like decades ago, just like with everything else in life, when I'm ready, I act.
I guess that means I won't be typing, when I'm ready.

For three decades I wouldn't allow myself to entertain the thought. I simply refused it, whenever it crept in.
I would do anything else... think anything else. Some of those time were great, for a while. Some were awful, for a while.

But, now I'm broken. Now no matter how I attack it mentally, I know things will never get better. The pain will never stop. The damage is done, it can't be fixed. It only gets worse from here. There is nobody worth suffering through it for, on my horizon.

Good indicators that you're ready? Well, you're not typing anymore.

 

[ksp]

I love the thought of having a plan, calmly setting everything up and passing away peacefully. Of course I think most people prefer that. But sometimes it's hard to imagine doing that and feel like it almost needs to be an impulsive decision because knowing myself I will end up panicking

when you plan it, impulsivity goes out the window; i think you're thinking about overcoming the survival impulse
rational suicide is extremely hard to accomplish - your nature fights with everything it's got against your decision

what helps me when i ask myself this question, it come down to this: determination
so i try to distinguish between the end result, and methods (in order to risk brain o physical damage)

given that i have nembutal in front of my (right now!), do i want to die, or not?
on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 = i want to die right now); if i have a 10, i dig deeper: i'm in switzerland / canada, on my bed, doctor in front of me: am i ready to take the N in the next 2 or 3 minutes, or not? (really picture my death)

this eliminates my insecurity about what i really want
the remaining doubts, all have to do with my method and risks
if i am comfortable with my method / risk, i am ready to face the consequences

good indicators that you're ready to CTB
do i want to die: 9 to 10
do i know how to accomplish it: 9 to 10

depending on my motivation, my determination will be a huge help if i really want to die: i'm determined to suffer, or feel uncomfortable, or feel pain, for however long it may take (hanging, drowning, firearms)

the determining factor, for me, is if i'm unconscious before any method: nitrogen/helium, N, F, CO, SN
(i'm excluding all methods where other people will be hurt)