Going to buy a gun on Monday

[Willow]

I've decided that Monday is the day I'm going to buy a gun. I'm not sure if I will kill myself but that is one step closer.
I feel very torn about it. I both want to ctb and don't want to. I'm not sure if it is just fear holding me back or not wanting to hurt my husband.

 

[lymbo]

I've decided that Monday is the day I'm going to buy a gun. I'm not sure if I will kill myself but that is one step closer.
I feel very torn about it. I both want to ctb and don't want to. I'm not sure if it is just fear holding me back or not wanting to hurt my husband.

sorry to hear , whats your reason for wantyng to CTB?

 

[Willow]

sorry to hear , whats your reason for wantyng to CTB?

It's so difficult to articulate. I have bipolar disorder and trauma history from childhood abuse. Both of those make me depressed pretty often. I'm overwhelmed by going to school and working full time. But mostly I'm just obsessed with thinking about it and I don't understand it

 

[lymbo]

It's so difficult to articulate. I have bipolar disorder and trauma history from childhood abuse. Both of those make me depressed pretty often. I'm overwhelmed by going to school and working full time. But mostly I'm just obsessed with thinking about it and I don't understand it

have you tryed psyhotherapy

 

[Willow]

have you tryed psyhotherapy

Years and years of it

 

[Girobatol]

It's so difficult to articulate. I have bipolar disorder and trauma history from childhood abuse. Both of those make me depressed pretty often. I'm overwhelmed by going to school and working full time. But mostly I'm just obsessed with thinking about it and I don't understand it

Are you on meds for bipolar? Which ones?

 

[Willow]

Are you on meds for bipolar? Which ones?

I take depakote, invega, and Wellbutrin

 

[Girobatol]

I take depakote, invega, and Wellbutrin

I´m on depakote, lithium and olanzapine and those meds are the reason I want to ctb.

 

[Willow]

I´m on depakote, lithium and olanzapine and those meds are the reason I want to ctb.

Why do the meds make you wish to ctb?

 

[Girobatol]

They make me suicidal, like nothing makes me feel good and I don´t do the things I liked to do before.

 

[sleepy dog]

I've decided that Monday is the day I'm going to buy a gun. I'm not sure if I will kill myself but that is one step closer.
I feel very torn about it. I both want to ctb and don't want to. I'm not sure if it is just fear holding me back or not wanting to hurt my husband.

Just so you know, if you have ever been arrested you will have to wait 3 days to pick up the gun.

 

[Willow]

Just so you know, if you have ever been arrested you will have to wait 3 days to pick up the gun.

Thanks for the information. I've never been arrested. I've bought guns twice before and changed my mind, so I'm familiar with the process. The background check only takes about 30 minutes where I live

 

[Jean4]

I am just on Wellbutrin. The other two made me suicidal, and I did try. Just Wellbutrin and I suicidal, yes. Every second of every day. However, it is to a lesser degree that I don't want to go out NOW and kill myself.

I am not trying to stop you. Just giving you my experiences and a med change worked for me.

Another suggestion that worked for me.

When I was getting my master's degree, I had to work to pay for school. I went to one year of school, took time off and then went back to school. I don't know your situation. I also know with the stress of both school and job, (I had to do a residency for my schooling), will not let you get stable from your depression. Another reason why you may be having issues.

Is there a way you can take of (short term disability from your job or something like that) and lower your schooling to stabilize?

I get what you are going through (childhood trauma- I was molested by my brother when I was about 4 and he gave me Herpes, alcoholic father, physical and mental abuse etc.)

That's why I am saying this because I feel you are just like me. Again, I am not trying to stop you. However, I think with some tweaking to your life you may be able to stabilize a little.

The first thing is re-evaluate the meds.