Story going to be my last post; please give this a read

[mymelodys]

Hello all. This will be my last post before I permanently log out of this website. After I spent a week in the psychiatric ward and got properly diagnosed with other mental illnesses and medicated, I finally knew what it was like to live. Imagine this: I struggled with suicide attempts and thoughts from age 13 and only knew what it was like to be normal until I reached age 19. Although it seems pathetic, it's one of the best things to ever happen to me.

As someone who failed most of my high school classes, had no friends, struggle financially, and grew up in an abusive household, I never thought happiness was for me. All those bullshit "it gets better" sayings adult say, they are true. And this is coming from someone who didn't even think I was standing here. My words seem like absolutely nothing, I know, but I wish I could guide you all through life. The world is not a bitter, dark place. You are meant to live, and you are meant to be happy, no matter what your circumstances. You are not shaped by your past but who you are right now. Your life is a very special thing and you deserve happiness, no matter how many years it takes to achieve.

My words may mean nothing, but it's the words I wish I could tell to the younger me who spent endless years crying herself to sleep and plotting her suicide. I also hope this touches at least one of you guys and gives you the smallest ounce of hope.

You are loved, and everything will be okay.

Thank you everyone and thank you for the support you've shown me these past few years.

Love you all, and hang in there.

Yours truly, kaizelle

 

[avoid_slow_death]

First off, let me congratulate you and give you a warm hug. You're on a good path to recovery and I certainly hope it works out for you one hundred percent.

That said, although I truly do appreciate you honest and heartfelt words about recovery, this does not apply to me as an individual. I have lived a good 28 years longer than you and my life has been horrible for 90% of that time. 5 years ago that changed for the better and I had the best and happiest years of my life until April of this year when I literally lost everything and now?

Now I am lost and hopeless and the one big dream I had all my life is no longer obtainable. The one thing that kept me going forward the past 35 years is gone. Gone....

 

[FuneralCry]

There is no hope for me and I want nothing to do with life. I just want to sleep forever and that is fine, it is my life, my decision. I cannot live like this for decades. Some people are just not meant for this life. The truth is that things do not always get better, for example there are many with incurable health conditions.
I believe you should have posted this in the recovery section. Of course I am pleased for you that things improved. I wish you the best.

 

[Apricity]

Hello all. This will be my last post before I permanently log out of this website. After I spent a week in the psychiatric ward and got properly diagnosed with other mental illnesses and medicated, I finally knew what it was like to live. Imagine this: I struggled with suicide attempts and thoughts from age 13 and only knew what it was like to be normal until I reached age 19. Although it seems pathetic, it's one of the best things to ever happen to me.

As someone who failed most of my high school classes, had no friends, struggle financially, and grew up in an abusive household, I never thought happiness was for me. All those bullshit "it gets better" sayings adult say, they are true. And this is coming from someone who didn't even think I was standing here. My words seem like absolutely nothing, I know, but I wish I could guide you all through life. The world is not a bitter, dark place. You are meant to live, and you are meant to be happy, no matter what your circumstances. You are not shaped by your past but who you are right now. Your life is a very special thing and you deserve happiness, no matter how many years it takes to achieve.

My words may mean nothing, but it's the words I wish I could tell to the younger me who spent endless years crying herself to sleep and plotting her suicide. I also hope this touches at least one of you guys and gives you the smallest ounce of hope.

You are loved, and everything will be okay.

Thank you everyone and thank you for the support you've shown me these past few years.

Love you all, and hang in there.

Yours truly, kaizelle

Always good to see someone recover, not everyone can. This mindset is like a prison, congrats on your release.

 

[irememberinnocence]

Not everyone can recover from what has brought them here but many do and I'm glad you are one of them. Congrats and all the best for your future.

 

[chocolatebar]

Great to see you recovering. Mind to share the path you took for it? What you did, what changed around you, etc

 

[Marktheghost]

I struggled with suicide attempts and thoughts from age 13 and only knew what it was like to be normal until I reached age 19.

So you knew what it was like to be normal until you were 19, but not after that? That can't be what you meant can it?

. All those bullshit "it gets better" sayings adult say, they are true.

For some people maybe, not for me.

My words seem like absolutely nothing, I know, but I wish I could guide you all through life.

You can guide me if you want.

You are not shaped by your past but who you are right now.

Who I am right now is the same person I was 30 years ago; it didn't make me happy then and it's not making me happy now. It's not who I am that's the problem; it's other people's unkindness and cruelty.

You are loved, and everything will be okay.

Who by? Everything isn't OK, and there's no evidence that anything will ever change.

It's good that you're feeling better though.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Much respect :: knowing your decisions (and the reasons for making them) and the difficulties finding answers, deciphering them (and the work is making sense of them and making them work for you!)
Your resolute-ness and faith find me envying you.

Hello all. This will be my last post before I permanently log out of this website. After I spent a week in the psychiatric ward and got properly diagnosed with other mental illnesses and medicated,

I finally knew what it was like to live.

Your resolute-ness and faith find me

You are not shaped by your past but who you are right now.

If only that were my truth. The personal power granted you by your recovery centre is a gift. I was abused. Google human rights violations / murder / torture /abuse at Noupoort and you'll maybe understand my damage. My 'gay rebellious ways' resulted in prepetual punishment in something they called 'corrective intervention'.
What I'm saying is grab this opportunity, its fucking rare. Do everything you must to keep recovering. Its a blessing not granted to all.

My words may mean nothing, but it's the words I wish I could tell to the younger me who spent endless years crying herself to sleep and plotting her suicide. I also hope this touches at least one of you guys and gives you the smallest ounce of hope.

Hope for me is a harmful happenstance :: all its done is have me intoxicated and deluded, a subtle tricky procrastinatination (temporary, for me, sadly... many times I've left recovery centre / 'mental health facility' ( asylum) a recovery superhero :: only to suffer tolerance for meds :: losing efficacy, or therapy confusing me and my losing my way.
Yes, we are all gifted it, holding onto it is tricky :: it too is my wish for everyone here...

You are loved, and everything will be okay.

Thank you everyone and thank you for the support you've shown me these past few years.

Love you all, and hang in there.

Yours truly, kaizelle

May those out there that see your post, will be inspired.
Wish yr illumination can't help further in the recovery forum... but that's your reasoning / path :: Your resolute-ness awakens my rebelliousness, worthlessness - triggers me :: that's why I'm writing this. To process and not feel like a fuckup.
☆ Gods grant me the light, that I may shine and give it to those that need☆
Go well in faith, be strong (your gratitude is meaningfull)
Much love,
Miguel // Triggerhappy

 

[marinekiwi]

Sure is comforting to see people getting better. There is so much suffering in this world.
Hope someday I will get better too.

 

[9BBN]

Wow, that sounds miraculous. I'm so happy for you. Just remember we're always here if you need. Do you think you could share a bit more about what you experienced at the psych ward that changed you?

 

[forgotten15]

I am happy you are in a good place and i wish you to stay there forever, may things only get better and better.
But I really don't agree with what you said, for many of us there is absolutely no way things could change for the better. I feel like I read the speech of a motivational speaker…
I know you wanted to encourage us and give us faith, but this is not for everyone. For me there is no such thing as recovery.

 

[IQLESS]

Congratulations, glad you are happy.

However, there is no gurantee that 'things will turn out better', It is a matter of chance. You could win the lottery and not work a day in your life or you could go hundreds of thousands to debt. You can be happy right now, but there is so much shit in this world that can happen to you that could get you into that same exact spot.
It's reality and it's harsh and It's cold and dull and colorless. Personally however I see no point in taking a ride in the shitfest of a rollercoaster that life is. Sure I'll be happy at some point, but then It'll all go to shit again.

 

[motel rooms]

All those bullshit "it gets better" sayings adult say, they are true. The world is not a bitter, dark place. You are meant to live, and you are meant to be happy, no matter what your circumstances. You are not shaped by your past but who you are right now.

You are loved, and everything will be okay.

We love you too, good luck, live long & prosper. That said, cut the crap because not everybody's as lucky as you.

 

[Sittichmutter]

Hello all. This will be my last post before I permanently log out of this website. After I spent a week in the psychiatric ward and got properly diagnosed with other mental illnesses and medicated, I finally knew what it was like to live. Imagine this: I struggled with suicide attempts and thoughts from age 13 and only knew what it was like to be normal until I reached age 19. Although it seems pathetic, it's one of the best things to ever happen to me.

As someone who failed most of my high school classes, had no friends, struggle financially, and grew up in an abusive household, I never thought happiness was for me. All those bullshit "it gets better" sayings adult say, they are true. And this is coming from someone who didn't even think I was standing here. My words seem like absolutely nothing, I know, but I wish I could guide you all through life. The world is not a bitter, dark place. You are meant to live, and you are meant to be happy, no matter what your circumstances. You are not shaped by your past but who you are right now. Your life is a very special thing and you deserve happiness, no matter how many years it takes to achieve.

My words may mean nothing, but it's the words I wish I could tell to the younger me who spent endless years crying herself to sleep and plotting her suicide. I also hope this touches at least one of you guys and gives you the smallest ounce of hope.

You are loved, and everything will be okay.

Thank you everyone and thank you for the support you've shown me these past few years.

Love you all, and hang in there.

Yours truly, kaizelle

Dear Kaizelle,
I am so happy to hear about your recovery.
The "normal" way you are feeling now happens when mental health treatment works. Many times the treatment takes a long time to work and requires changes of meds. Many people are not properly treated and never recover.
You are a great example. Keep going!
Best health and lots of love for you!