Going on a Tinder coffee date this weekend and i'm absolutely terrified?

[SadLoser]

I was waiting for this moment for so long but now honestly i'm just so scared. I think i've talked to a woman casually like 3 times in my life. This would be my second date and tbh my first real one.

What do I do? I'm astonishingly boring. Since it's a coffee date I won't even be drunk. I have nothing to talk about, not many real experiences. The conversation is bound to dry up. I definitely won't be able to carry it. I'm afraid i'll be 10 times more suicidal after it.
Oh God I hate myself, I hate how I look, I hate how I act, I can't stand the thought of people looking at me. Honestly I don't know how the hell I even managed to create a Tinder profile.
Then I think i'm meeting up with another girl the week after. I'm about to have a really stressful 2 weeks.

Can anyone give me some tips so I don't f this up completely? Should I take xanax? vodka before going? Oh God...
oops, this was meant to go into off-topic.

 

[motel rooms]

Can anyone give me some tips so I don't f this up completely? Should I take xanax? vodka before going? Oh God...

How does Xanax affect you? You might end up being more boring.

 

[SadLoser]

How does Xanax affect you? You might end up being more boring.

It makes you more calm and sleepy I guess. I think my main problem is that I have extreme anxiety so reducing that should be my main priority.

 

[motel rooms]

It makes you more calm and sleepy I guess. I think my main problem is that I have extreme anxiety so reducing that should be my main priority.

It doesn't make me sleepy. Obviously, being calm is good, but don't take it if it makes you sleepy/slows your brain down.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I think my main problem is that I have extreme anxiety so reducing that should be my main priority.

Don't decrease anxiety, increase relaxation.

 

[SadLoser]

It doesn't make me sleepy. Obviously, being calm is good, but don't take it if it makes you sleepy/slows your brain down.

really? I take before going to bed for a good night's sleep.

 

[WoAiGou]

Take the Xanax, it is often prescribed for situational anxiety. Can't hurt, but if it makes you sleepy for the first date skip it for the next one. I suck at dating, haven't been on one for years but just ask basic questions, their interests, schooling, career, pets etc, and often they'll start asking you stuff. And if it's not going well with the basic stuff talk about mental health, you never know who else is struggling and maybe they'll open up and you'll form a stronger connection. What's the worst thing that happens? You never see them again but it's not like you know them now. At least you're putting yourself out there, be proud of that.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I was waiting for this moment for so long but now honestly i'm just so scared. I think i've talked to a woman casually like 3 times in my life. This would be my second date and tbh my first real one.

What do I do? I'm astonishingly boring. Since it's a coffee date I won't even be drunk. I have nothing to talk about, not many real experiences. The conversation is bound to dry up. I definitely won't be able to carry it. I'm afraid i'll be 10 times more suicidal after it.
Oh God I hate myself, I hate how I look, I hate how I act, I can't stand the thought of people looking at me. Honestly I don't know how the hell I even managed to create a Tinder profile.
Then I think i'm meeting up with another girl the week after. I'm about to have a really stressful 2 weeks.

Can anyone give me some tips so I don't f this up completely? Should I take xanax? vodka before going? Oh God...
oops, this was meant to go into off-topic.

Ask about them or talk about hobbies. Anything you feel confident about.

Forget about how you look and act for the period of the date or you won't be able to get your mind off it. They don't mind because they accepted the tinder date already.

Tbh I don't think I have ton of experience at dates I have this weird luck where people just assume we're in a relationship instantly (IRL) or they're interested in me before they met me e.g. through gaming. Any dates I did go on, generally the person already liked me anyway and we had drinks or whatever, and I didn't really have to do anything, just wear nice clothes and be comfortable. They chatted me up or made all the moves iirc.

 

[Insomniac]

definitely not a relationship expert but... I think you should NOT try to do anything like walking in a park or going to a coffee shop.

going to the movie theatre would be way better or anything else that's really engaging. contrary to popular belief, first dates aren't for talking. You should first try to get used to each other mere presence while doing genuinely fun activities (you could go rock climbing too or kayaking with a group of people, or going to a concert at night or to a nightclub).

Conversations can't be forced, so it needs to happen slowly. You can't open up and be yourself in just one date. Neither can she. It happens slowly and progressively. Just plan for activities that keep you relatively busy, it can even be cooking or videogaming and music or whatever.

Xanax will help but slowly progressively lower the dose every time you meet her until you don't need it. You could also suggest her some recreational xanax or smoke some weed together why not.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

If you're getting multiple dates you must be doing something right. I mostly hear guys talking about how hard it is to get any meetups.

 

[Sherri]

Been on many, know the feeling. Took me a lot of these to find a nice guy. My secret is just be yourself, keep calm, be confident. The other person will be feeling as nervous as you also. If there is no chemistry you will find out in the next 30 mn of your date. It's usually my personal opinion. Just don't do what I used to do. Say I would go to the toilet and run away. Good luck, you probably chatted a bit before the date I assume ,so just talk about the things you were talking online, the only difference is that is gonna be a face to face. It will be fine, keep us updated on how it went. Hugs

 

[sick.faery]

tbh just have a bit of alcohol before going and maybe a xanax if that"s not enough. you should be fine

 

[Sherri]

tbh just have a bit of alcohol before going and maybe a xanax if that"s not enough. you should be fine

Yes a Xanax will def help, but then the coffee will kick in also, usually a bit of topic about the weather breaks the ice.

 

[Sanva]

am in a similiar situation, we haven't even set up a specific date but I'm already nervous. definitely don't have vodka, she might smell it on your breath. even if you feel boring, you can ask her questions about her hobbies, about what she does in live etc. if the conversation does dry up remember it's not about you, it's more about how compatible you two are. i tend to assume that if one person doesn't like me that's representative of EVERYONE'S opinion of me which isn't true, so if you do the same thing, keep that in mind. accept that you're going to be anxious, most people feel anxious on first dates. Those are just some things that have helped me in the past.
Good luck! If she agreed to a date, that means she already likes you!

 

[LADY007]

Ask her questions about herself. Ask what the most exciting thing she ever did was!!! That in itself will tell you what she likes. As you discuss different things watch for what topics she is enthusiastic about. (For example: ask yourself what you love to do or what experience you had that you loved. If I asked you right now what is your favorite activity..(I bet something just came to mind and you would enjoy talking about it) Well, use this suggestion with her. Example: If you asked me what right now what my most fun memory is......I would say the time I rented a small helicopter that just the pilot and I fit into. I was surprised because the doors were off so it was just a glass bubble flying in the air. Or the time I went to the Grand Canyon and took a helicopter ride over it. Or the mile long zip line I went on a few months ago. See what I mean??? Forget what color or favorite meal she likes at the beginning...you can discuss those things later. Ask what was exciting and she will love talking and love that you asked. (These helicopter stories are true and I enjoyed telling you about them...by the way)

 

[Luchs]

I was waiting for this moment for so long but now honestly i'm just so scared. I think i've talked to a woman casually like 3 times in my life. This would be my second date and tbh my first real one.

What do I do? I'm astonishingly boring. Since it's a coffee date I won't even be drunk. I have nothing to talk about, not many real experiences. The conversation is bound to dry up. I definitely won't be able to carry it. I'm afraid i'll be 10 times more suicidal after it.
Oh God I hate myself, I hate how I look, I hate how I act, I can't stand the thought of people looking at me. Honestly I don't know how the hell I even managed to create a Tinder profile.
Then I think i'm meeting up with another girl the week after. I'm about to have a really stressful 2 weeks.

Can anyone give me some tips so I don't f this up completely? Should I take xanax? vodka before going? Oh God...
oops, this was meant to go into off-topic.

Maybe it is a little too late for my advice, but it might be helpful in the future. Try to get a hobby you can do while alone and relaxed. Start taking walks in nature, or writing poems, or painting. These are great material for conversations and may help ease your anxiety. Maybe combine some, like writing or painting about what you saw on a walk.

 

[SadLoser]

definitely not a relationship expert but... I think you should NOT try to do anything like walking in a park or going to a coffee shop.

going to the movie theatre would be way better or anything else that's really engaging. contrary to popular belief, first dates aren't for talking. You should first try to get used to each other mere presence while doing genuinely fun activities (you could go rock climbing too or kayaking with a group of people, or going to a concert at night or to a nightclub).

Conversations can't be forced, so it needs to happen slowly. You can't open up and be yourself in just one date. Neither can she. It happens slowly and progressively. Just plan for activities that keep you relatively busy, it can even be cooking or videogaming and music or whatever.

Xanax will help but slowly progressively lower the dose every time you meet her until you don't need it. You could also suggest her some recreational xanax or smoke some weed together why not.

Thanks. I actually asked if she wants to go "for coffee or drinks" and she said "coffee sounds great". I was hoping she'd say drinks because that would make things easier for me but I understand why you wouldn't want to drink alcohol with a complete stranger.

Been on many, know the feeling. Took me a lot of these to find a nice guy. My secret is just be yourself, keep calm, be confident. The other person will be feeling as nervous as you also. If there is no chemistry you will find out in the next 30 mn of your date. It's usually my personal opinion. Just don't do what I used to do. Say I would go to the toilet and run away. Good luck, you probably chatted a bit before the date I assume ,so just talk about the things you were talking online, the only difference is that is gonna be a face to face. It will be fine, keep us updated on how it went. Hugs

haha if there's one thing i'm worse at than talking to people IRL, it's talking to people through text so I asked if she wants to go out quite quickly. I don't know anything about her other than what her Tinder bio says pretty much.

Ask her questions about herself. Ask what the most exciting thing she ever did was!!! That in itself will tell you what she likes. As you discuss different things watch for what topics she is enthusiastic about. (For example: ask yourself what you love to do or what experience you had that you loved. If I asked you right now what is your favorite activity..(I bet something just came to mind and you would enjoy talking about it) Well, use this suggestion with her. Example: If you asked me what right now what my most fun memory is......I would say the time I rented a small helicopter that just the pilot and I fit into. I was surprised because the doors were off so it was just a glass bubble flying in the air. Or the time I went to the Grand Canyon and took a helicopter ride over it. Or the mile long zip line I went on a few months ago. See what I mean??? Forget what color or favorite meal she likes at the beginning...you can discuss those things later. Ask what was exciting and she will love talking and love that you asked. (These helicopter stories are true and I enjoyed telling you about them...by the way)

I guess i'm good at asking people questions about themselves, at least somewhat, but I just don't think i'm a very interesting person. I'm usually the quietest one of the group. I'll try to think about these things before the date though.

 

[Sherri]

Thanks. I actually asked if she wants to go "for coffee or drinks" and she said "coffee sounds great". I was hoping she'd say drinks because that would make things easier for me but I understand why you wouldn't want to drink alcohol with a complete stranger.


haha if there's one thing i'm worse at than talking to people IRL, it's talking to people through text so I asked if she wants to go out quite quickly. I don't know anything about her other than what her Tinder bio says pretty much.


I guess i'm good at asking people questions about themselves, at least somewhat, but I just don't think i'm a very interesting person. I'm usually the quietest one of the group. I'll try to think about these things before the date though.

I would get to know her first. what I usually did was chat for a couple of weeks on tinder only to be safe. Then if you feel like she is legit and a nice person, exchange numbers but always be very safe before you do so. A phone call or a WhatsApp few voice messages would also be ok. I personally wouldn't go out with someone just based on the bio. But that's me, and I just want you to be safe, you have no idea the amount of people I met that weren't the ones in the picture. Then I learned my lesson. Always be safe ok? Good luck. Hope all goes well.