Going insane

[The anhedonic one]

I'm starting to feel really weird again, I think it's another attack of depersonalisation disorder.
I'm also extremely irritable, I don't feel comfortable in my own skin and despise being trapped in this human being flesh prison.
I'm also trapped inside a very fragile and dysfunctional brain that is constantly tormenting me, and the outside world just terrifies me.

I'm so desperate to die and can't stop crying. If there is such a thing as hell then I'm in that place right now.
Absolutely nothing in this life brings me pleasure anymore due to crippling Anhedonia and persistent, untreatable clinical depression.
The only emotions I experience now are those of emotional and existential pain.

I am so utterly desperate to die now that I am thinking of jumping.
I already died inside a very long time ago.
Yet all I need to do now is just kill this body, and the dysfunctional brain within it.

 

[Fabi_2312]

Im sorry to hear that. If you only want to get rid of the pain, you could consider intensive therapy. I personally recommend going in a psych ward, its really not bad.
But you should do what you want. Still I hope you find peace in your decision, either through ctb or recovery.

 

[feder]

I'm sorry you are ging through this experience, i can't directly relate to dpd but it seems very harsh. Not being able to feel plesure is really hellish. Hoping you can get through this and find a method that will provide you with a painless way out.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

The evil prolifers and news organizations got nembutal and assisted suicide banned . Now People can't escape extreme torture. They want us to suffer extreme pain

They banned everything cyanide capsules, nembutal, fentanyl, co cannisters, assisted suicide, severely restricted sn In the U.S etc

 

[The anhedonic one]

The evil prolifers and news orgs got nembutal and assisted suicide banned . People can't escape extreme torture

I would literally chop one of my hands off right now for a lethal dose of N, and I wouldn't think twice about doing it.
Yes, you are absolutely right about these pro-lifers being evil.
I despise them for making us all suffer so unnecessarily.

 

[day]

Extremely relatable OP. Sorry you feel this way. The world is so cruel. I understand not being comfortable in your own skin.. Hope either way you decide you're able to find peace.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I'm so sorry. It really is torture living and only being able to feel pain. I'm hoping you can find some comfort even if it's temporary.

 

[Aisley]

You don't deserve this, or anything that's happened to you; that led to this point. But those are useless words, aren't they? Hope you get a way out soon. ...Even if it is jumping. For a while it seemed like you were going to make the trip for some N, but I guess life squeezes too tight sometimes, and from too many directions.

 

[The anhedonic one]

You don't deserve this, or anything that's happened to you; that led to this point. But those are useless words, aren't they? Hope you get a way out soon. ...Even if it is jumping. For a while it seemed like you were going to make the trip for some N, but I guess life squeezes too tight sometimes, and from too many directions.

Thank you so much Aisley for your kind words. I just don't have the emotional resources to even get on a plane at the moment.

 

[TimetoGo!]

I'm starting to feel really weird again, I think it's another attack of depersonalisation disorder.
I'm also extremely irritable, I don't feel comfortable in my own skin and despise being trapped in this human being flesh prison.
I'm also trapped inside a very fragile and dysfunctional brain that is constantly tormenting me, and the outside world just terrifies me.

I'm so desperate to die and can't stop crying. If there is such a thing as hell then I'm in that place right now.
Absolutely nothing in this life brings me pleasure anymore due to crippling Anhedonia and persistent, untreatable clinical depression.
The only emotions I experience now are those of emotional and existential pain.

I am so utterly desperate to die now that I am thinking of jumping.
I already died inside a very long time ago.
Yet all I need to do now is just kill this body, and the dysfunctional brain within it.

I can certainly relate to this…….it's absolutely terrifying being in this situation

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This situation must so awful. I really hope for you that you can find a peaceful way to end your agony and suffering and you can find a way out of this. I hate that life often is so unfair and cruel and the anti-suicide society makes it so difficult for people who want to leave this world. I hope you can find peace!

 

[90starve]

i always feel like i relate to so much that you write on this forum - i've just had to leave work early because i couldn't stop crying at my desk, over nothing in particular other than the fact that i'm still alive.

im sorry that you're suffering such immense pain - i hope you can find freedom from all this some day <3

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing here certainly is so torturous so I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, I get that it's horrible feeling trapped in this hellish reality, there really is too much suffering in existing. And I just think it's incredibly inhumane how Nembutal isn't legalised, it disgusts me how humans are just expected to suffer until they die anyway.