Venting Goddamnit, I wish I could just be happy

[Orangee]

I was finally out of a depressive episode and am not actively looking to die, and now I feel myself spiraling down again. The past few days were so nice, and I was so happy, and motivated. I talked to people, went outside, kept on top of everything, and even got to enjoy doing things. It was just so much easier, and I had energy to actually do stuff. But now I feel myself getting dragged down into the depths again, and I'm just so scared. I've never been this scared before to sink back down into depression, in fact before it was comfy. But now that I know what the highs can feel like, I don't want to go back down into the lows again. I feel so helpless, watching myself start sink back down into depression and knowing that there isn't anything I can do about it but wait. I've been on this earth for a lot shorter than many of you on here. I wonder how you guys have made it so far, it must've been excruciatingly difficult.

At least I've found a easy ctb method these past few days where I can just jump out of these little windows they have in the stairwell, and it's like 20 stories high and has no net. If worst comes to worst I have a way out, albeit very gruesome, and not sure if I can get past SI.


Aghh

 

[Niyxx]

I was finally out of a depressive episode and am not actively looking to die, and now I feel myself spiraling down again. The past few days were so nice, and I was so happy, and motivated. I talked to people, went outside, kept on top of everything, and even got to enjoy doing things. It was just so much easier, and I had energy to actually do stuff. But now I feel myself getting dragged down into the depths again, and I'm just so scared. I've never been this scared before to sink back down into depression, in fact before it was comfy. But now that I know what the highs can feel like, I don't want to go back down into the lows again. I feel so helpless, watching myself start sink back down into depression and knowing that there isn't anything I can do about it but wait. I've been on this earth for a lot shorter than many of you on here. I wonder how you guys have made it so far, it must've been excruciatingly difficult.

At least I've found a easy ctb method these past few days where I can just jump out of these little windows they have in the stairwell, and it's like 20 stories high and has no net. If worst comes to worst I have a way out, albeit very gruesome, and not sure if I can get past SI.


Aghh

Yeah, I've been where you are, a lot. Still am. <333
Life is executiating, idk if we are even made for it. Hey, even if you haven't been alive that long doesn't mean it isn't the same type of pain. I think, the longer it is the more it blurs into a single mess of I don't want to be alive. Sinking is indescribable, drowning but it doesn't even matter to anything around you. You should vent if you need <333