Venting God told me to kill myself

[rec]

God has been sending me messages through music and TV. He told me to kill myself on last Sunday and my partner made me stay at his house for a few days to stop me.

Now I've been cursed because I didn't do it and he's going to send aliens after me on Friday. I'm scared.

He's started sending kinder messages through music. Do you think he would forgive me if I ctbed a bit later than he said to? I don't want to go to hell. I might be Jesus though.

I think I'd just like some advice. Maybe for someone to tell me that everything will be okay.

Thanks and sorry for posting.

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry I don't exactly understand, are you on some type of medication or anything?

Thoughts and prayers to you-

 

[rec]

I'm sorry I don't exactly understand, are you on some type of medication or anything?

Thoughts and prayers to you-

Hello.

I take aripiprazole 30mg once daily and venlafaxine 75mg twice daily.

Thanks for caring :)

 

[MidnightDream]

I wouldn't usually suggest this, but have you considered telling anyone about this? Your boyfriend, or perhaps a mental health professional?
These thoughts aren't healthy for you, and you don't deserve to be pressured towards ctb by any external influences. I promise everything will be okay, but I would recommend seeing someone about what you've told us

 

[MidnightCat]

It's a difficult topic.

I'm not sure what God do you believe in.. but most probably there's not a single God that wants you dead.

That said and with all my respects, mind sharing with us what is your diagnose? It may help us to understand how to help you.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this.

 

[rec]

I wouldn't usually suggest this, but have you considered telling anyone about this? Your boyfriend, or perhaps a mental health professional?
These thoughts aren't healthy for you, and you don't deserve to be pressured towards ctb by any external influences. I promise everything will be okay, but I would recommend seeing someone about what you've told us

I told a nurse at the hospital yesterday (I was there because I had hurt myself and it was still bleeding 2 hours later so I needed 9 stitches). He made me see my Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) and she just said she'll see me again next Tuesday.

I agree that people shouldn't be told to ctb. They should be able to do it of their own will. It's horrible being told to do that by someone so powerful.

Thank you for the advice :D I really hope everything is going to be alright.

It's a difficult topic.

I'm not sure what God do you believe in.. but most probably there's not a single God that wants you dead.

That said and with all my respects, mind sharing with us what is your diagnose? It may help us to understand how to help you.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this.

I was diagnosed with early onset psychosis (I'm over 18 now but I wasn't at the time) some time ago.

 

[donttellmybf2004]

That sounds horribly stressful and scary, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I always try shuffling around my medications before making any super big decisions, or if life gets suddenly very upsetting. so maybe that would help you. Definitely a good idea to meet with your CPN. Hoping your life gets better and stuff gets less stressful. <3

 

[MidnightDream]

Did you tell her what you've told us?
I can't imagine how horrible it must be to be influenced like that, it must be so scary. Try to remember that YOU are in control of your own mind and your own actions, no one can make you do anything. You deserve to be safe, if you don't feel like you can fight these influences then please do call for help. You deserve to be able to make your own decisions.

 

[noname223]

Have you ever had a psychosis, bipolar or schizophrenia? Because the symptoms you describe probably stem from such a condition. I had psychosis in the past and met people with psychosis. I know it can hurt when someone questions your sanity. However I met many people who were convinced they could speak with God. Relgious delusions are not seldom in the context of psychosis.

I would recommend to you to talk with a professional. Do you take your medication regularly? Probably antipsychotic medication I take it too.

You sound like in a mental health crisis. I don't think God would want that you die. Maybe it would be good to tell your partner about your thoughts. Sometimes they can be quite overwhelming. It would probably be good not to be alone in your current condition. I went to a clinic for people with psychosis and they helped me a lot. Especially because I went there on a voluntary basis.
You should not do anything irreversible in such an acute crisis.

 

[rec]

That sounds horribly stressful and scary, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I always try shuffling around my medications before making any super big decisions, or if life gets suddenly very upsetting. so maybe that would help you. Definitely a good idea to meet with your CPN. Hoping your life gets better and stuff gets less stressful. <3

Thank you for the advice. I think shuffling medication is a good idea to help with my mood so it might be easier to put up with what God is throwing at me right now.

Everyone here is so kind

 

[leeloosnow]

that does sound super scary and I'm glad you've spoken abt it irl. i wish you the best with resolving this, and hopefully you'll have good support. certain thoughts, audio/visual experiences can be induced by illness, toxicity, or injury- things outside our control and sometimes professional help can really give clarity of mind. i can notice a difference in my thought patterns and actions in accordance with certain meds, drugs, stress etc. big hugs!

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

God has been sending me messages through music and TV. He told me to kill myself on last Sunday and my partner made me stay at his house for a few days to stop me.

Now I've been cursed because I didn't do it and he's going to send aliens after me on Friday. I'm scared.

He's started sending kinder messages through music. Do you think he would forgive me if I ctbed a bit later than he said to? I don't want to go to hell. I might be Jesus though.

I think I'd just like some advice. Maybe for someone to tell me that everything will be okay.

Thanks and sorry for posting.

Don't be sorry about posting. We're a community here, and we can help.

I add my voice to those who don't think God is telling you to ctb. That kind of thing usually comes from the dark side.

Lots of people get messages through the TV or through music. No need to take them as commands sent just for you.

It's a good idea to talk to someone and tell them exactly what you told us. Print it out and read it to them if you have to. Don't feel like you have to wait until next Tuesday. Call the team and tell them you have been getting messages through the TV. They can help.

A new med is probably in order. Maybe something strong for a short while, just until you can't hear the messages anymore.

Really, I don't think they're meant for you. Take care and be gentle with yourself.

 

[rec]

Did you tell her what you've told us?
I can't imagine how horrible it must be to be influenced like that, it must be so scary. Try to remember that YOU are in control of your own mind and your own actions, no one can make you do anything. You deserve to be safe, if you don't feel like you can fight these influences then please do call for help. You deserve to be able to make your own decisions.

Yeah I told her what I've told you. I spoke to my partner and I'm going to stay at his house starting tomorrow to keep myself safe. Thank you.

Have you ever had a psychosis, bipolar or schizophrenia? Because the symptoms you describe probably stem from such a condition. I had psychosis in the past and met people with psychosis. I know it can hurt when someone questions your sanity. However I met many people who were convinced they could speak with God. Relgious delusions are not seldom in the context of psychosis.

I would recommend to you to talk with a professional. Do you take your medication regularly? Probably antipsychotic medication I take it too.

You sound like in a mental health crisis. I don't think God would want that you die. Maybe it would be good to tell your partner about your thoughts. Sometimes they can be quite overwhelming. It would probably be good not to be alone in your current condition. I went to a clinic for people with psychosis and they helped me a lot. Especially because I went there on a voluntary basis.
You should not do anything irreversible in such an acute crisis.

I was diagnosed with psychosis a while ago but I don't think I'm having an episode right now. I take my antipsychotic every day.

I don't know if it would count as a crisis if God is telling me to do it. I'll take your word though. I spoke to my partner and he said that too. I'll try to keep myself safe by being with my partner.

I'm glad you had a positive experience with the clinic! :)

 

[releasespieces]

Sounds like messiah complex…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Messiah_complex

… and psychosis

I feel for you. I went through something similar about 20 years ago. It's more common than you might think. You need professional help and some time to understand yourself better.

Please understand that no matter how real these "messages" seem, they are delusions. Are you or have you taken street drugs, specifically hallucinogenic ones? What is your home life like? Were you raised in a strict religious household? Do you feel inadequate, like whatever you do is never good enough for your parents or others? Are you often insecure and seeking validation from others?

Sorry you're going through this. Rational and critical thinking skills are your friends.

 

[Skathon]

It's not a god or anyone else telling you something (or trying to communicate in some other way), it's your own subconsciousness. Think of it as having a dream while being awake or something akin to sleep paralysis.
Speaking of which, one should never fully trust his own perception of reality exactly for that reason (subconsciousness can rather easily be affected by delirium, psychosis, intoxication, brain injuries, etc.).

 

[epic]

Sorry that you feel that way. It sounds to me that your mental illness is playing up for which you already have got a diagnosis.

 

[GasMonkey]

God has been sending me messages

1. Go to Google's random number generator.
2. Generate a number between 1 and 9999 in your phone (facing to the opposite side of your face so you can't see it).
3. Ask God what number has been generated and write it on a paper.
4. Compare the number in the paper with the number in the phone.

If the number is different, then you are not talking to God. The real God would never fail the number coz it would be easy for him to see it.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I don't think a god is telling you to kill yourself. You said you were diagnosed with early onset psychosis, which I believe is what's happening here.

 

[Pluto]

I used to have a friend who had an addiction to crystal meth. I remember him talking about how he was hearing Jesus encouraging him to bash people and stuff like that. It was pretty scary to be around him.

I am open-minded and have researched spiritual topics at length. In fact, I extensively studied a book written by a man who claimed to be receiving messages from God, and I regard it not only legitimate, but one of the most insightful books of modern times. Come to think of it, another titan of the genre, A Course in Miracles, was purportedly channeled from 'Jesus'; again it is the real deal, even if it is debatable if the historical figure Jesus of Nazareth has anything to do with it.

But knowing that many mental illnesses manifest in terms of religious delusions, or persecution-related delusions, or grandeur delusions (or maybe all 3!), it can be easy to spot when someone needs psychiatric support.

I agree with what the others have said. Please share everything you've told us with a medical practitioner. They have seen this sort of thing countless times and will be in a position to give you the care and support you need.

 

[itsallpointless]

Maybe gods just telling you to let it out. Past few days I kept seeing signs from god telling me to ctb, then I bought a nitrogen tank and a multitude of things happened to me. I am much less suicidal rn


If you are going to ctb, you better make sure you're a little in touch with your emotions first concoct a plan that reflects the shackles stopping you from ctb. In my case I had to construe an elaborate cover up plan to disguise my death as a natural death. I had to get all the materials sorted out, Going from hardware store to hardware store, buying materials and reading the national laws to make sure my assistants would not be implicated. I also wrote an instructional assisted cover up plan detailing all variables that needed to be addressed. At the end of it all I was almost ready to follow through and ctb, but the effort I put into the process gave me a renewed sense of confidence that I could tackle life. If you are suicidal please take some responsibility for your own feelings, not acting on a whim. Even suicide takes effort. Before you determine you are ready to leave this world, you owe it to yourself to settle everything you are accountable for first.I hope that if you see how difficult it is to perform a real suicide, you will realize that you have more gas in your tank to build your life rather than ctb.

 

[Bardo]

God has been sending me messages through music and TV. He told me to kill myself on last Sunday and my partner made me stay at his house for a few days to stop me.

Now I've been cursed because I didn't do it and he's going to send aliens after me on Friday. I'm scared.

He's started sending kinder messages through music. Do you think he would forgive me if I ctbed a bit later than he said to? I don't want to go to hell. I might be Jesus though.

I think I'd just like some advice. Maybe for someone to tell me that everything will be okay.

Thanks and sorry for posting.

It's your brain and subconscious doing these things.

 

[Onw9]

Its time for us to forward the God's plan and we shall acheive salvation

 

[MrShino]

I can almost assuredly tell you that this is just your psychosis speaking, it's illusions and not true. God would never tell you to CTB and then send aliens after you if you didn't comply in short notice. Don't believe those voices, even if they seem powerful.

 

[jodes2]

Don't CTB! Everything will be ok you just need help

 

[toro]

this sounds horrifying, please do not listen to what you are being told, im so glad you're telling people IRL about this so they can help, but under no circumstances should you agree to CTB, that is not God talking to you, God does not want you dead, please stay safe!!

 

[Ruma]

Sounds like Psychosis,I had similar some time ago. Please talk to someone,you can recover from this.

 

[MidnightCat]

Hey @sunny, how it's going?

 

[rec]

Hey @sunny, how it's going?

Hello.

Not very well, really.

The aliens came for me and put small black worms in my brain and now I'm scared they're going to make me stupid or turn me into a paedophile or make me a horrible person or something else that's bad. :(

God hasn't spoken to me since.

How is it going for you?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Hello.

Not very well, really.

The aliens came for me and put small black worms in my brain and now I'm scared they're going to make me stupid or turn me into a paedophile or make me a horrible person or something else that's bad. :(

God hasn't spoken to me since.

How is it going for you?

Hey, that sounds frightening to believe that aliens put small worms into your brain. I can only imagine the fear you felt. I don't know if this will ease your mind as I know this seems very real and feels very real to you, but I do think this is all just hallucinations.

I don't say this to brush it off or not empathize with you, I understand that, to you, this is very real. I feel like maybe you should seek some sort of help, with real professionals, to hopefully help you. Just know, nothing bad like that will happen, I don't think you'll be turned into a pedophile or anything like that :)

 

[soontobedone]

Have you ever had a psychosis, bipolar or schizophrenia? Because the symptoms you describe probably stem from such a condition. I had psychosis in the past and met people with psychosis. I know it can hurt when someone questions your sanity. However I met many people who were convinced they could speak with God. Relgious delusions are not seldom in the context of psychosis.

I would recommend to you to talk with a professional. Do you take your medication regularly? Probably antipsychotic medication I take it too.

You sound like in a mental health crisis. I don't think God would want that you die. Maybe it would be good to tell your partner about your thoughts. Sometimes they can be quite overwhelming. It would probably be good not to be alone in your current condition. I went to a clinic for people with psychosis and they helped me a lot. Especially because I went there on a voluntary basis.
You should not do anything irreversible in such an acute crisis.